Virgin birth

According to No Idea and Women’s Monthly magazines, Prince William’s missus Kate Middleton has just given birth to the new Messiah. Baby supply shops had been rejoicing because in English speaking countries it is mandatory to copy shop for whatever a little royal tyke is wearing, eating and riding in. But after waiting up all night I can exclusively reveal that while every police officer in London was waiting outside the ‘royal’ hospital revealing important security details to every photographer with a tele photo lens, pregnant women across the English capital embarked on a shoplifting spree. Even women with newborns rushed out to snatch the most expensive designer pram they could find because, just like the royals, a mere stroller won’t do. It is very important that parents procure this essential item, because a pram is perfect as a clothes rack when that little baby turns six. When Duchess Kate was pregnant with her son she appeared at the opening of an envelope wearing a must-have modish potato sack which all women with pregnancy brain immediately rushed to snaffle from a high street shop. Women must spend hours shopping and fussing over baby outfits and pregnancy wear, we can’t have them wasting time on crazy, trivial feminist pursuits like changing the world can we?