My youngest child wants to bring her four best friends home for a sleepover. Why not invite the whole class? And hold it in a park. In winter. SLEEP over? Why does this pastime designed for maximum parental torment have that name? There is no sleeping involved. While her little mates stay up all night screaming and discussing the ramifications of the situation in Gaza, Mummy is visited by the Snark Fairy. Couple that with PMT (no, I’m joking PMT doesn’t exist) and you have a very chirpy, pre cocktail hour solo mummy. No, my little lovelies, I gave up sleep deprivation at the same time my babies gave up nappies. It is time to tell my children that our house has become a meditation retreat, on the weekends we will undertake a vow of silence. Nighty night kids, Mummy says sssshhhhhh.