The husband list

My male friends think that writing a list to help one look for a mate is too controlling; us women with a history of terrible relationships realise it is vital. My husband list looks like this:

First husband

I was way too young when I married a sweet Englishman.

Second husband

The father of my three beautiful kids…

Third husband

My next husband will audition in front of panel of my bitchiest girlfriends because I haven’t a clue how to pick a long term mate. Only the best applicants will be granted a second interview. These are the qualities I want my third husband to possess:

1. Puts my kids on a pedestal.

2.Faithful (not likely but no harm in wishful thinking)

3.Generous

4.Intelligent

5.Sexy

6. Puts my kids on a pedestal.
7.Well-read

8.Committed heterosexual, no swingers, no ‘open marriage’ fans, no “I might help out during Mardi Gras” types.* (see footnote)

9.Emotionally stable. (Now I am kidding myself.)

10.Finds me irresistible at all times of day and night

11.Does household chores without having to be asked

12. Not residing in the ‘Big House’ making new friends

13. Puts my kids on a pedestal

14. Has a stable income

15. Has worked on his own baggage and knows I have my own baggage that I’m dealing with too

I will have to manufacture him in a laboratory.

Single ladies, please tell me if you have a list. What’s on it?

*I am talking about the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney which is the most fabulous parade and party in the world, ever. My sister in law and I have a saying,

“He’s not gay, but he may help out our gay brothers if they have a rush OR he’ll help out if they’re busy during Mardi Gras.


2 Comments on “The husband list”

  1. Milou says:

    My Ideal ‘Husband’ (with apologies to Oscar Wilde).

    While I have never been married or indeed betrothed, I have known some beautiful men, many friends, some lovers. All have possessed these qualities to some extent, qualities I strive to possess too.

    It would be lovely if my beautiful man –

    – has great integrity, is gracious and steadfast
    – has a strong sense of family
    – loves children and nurtures his inner child
    – enjoys travelling but also cherishes home
    – understands I want to give him beautiful things
    – is a passionate, generous and caring lover
    – loves food, wine and kissing (not necessarily in that order)
    – is elegant, possesses his own style and has an understated sensuality
    – understands the black dog sometimes bites very hard
    – wants to grow old with me
    – is faithful or at least honest
    – has many friends, both male and female, who he is willing for me to know and is willing to
    to know my friends too
    – is happy in his own company (but prefers mine)
    – is able to appreciate distance cannot destroy love
    – is able to forgive – we all make mistakes
    – is financially independent ( it would be lovely if wealthy but love over money every
    time)
    – is intelligent, wise, possesses common sense and a love of learning
    – is well read, well versed in films, music, the arts, history and languages
    – likes cats (the ultimate spinster’s companion apparently)
    – appreciates good design, is interested in environmental concerns and world affairs (the only
    affairs I wish him interested in)
    – is healthy with a respect for his body (no fitness fanatics)
    – is taller than me ( I like wearing heels on occasions)
    – has a sense of humour
    – is sensitive and not afraid to cry
    – has a deep love & respect for his parents/relatives and would be willing to care for them
    should the need arise
    – has lost his religion (now worships me) but is somewhat spiritual
    – appreciates old things – cars, antiques, me….
    – is somewhat computer savvy and knows which remote control to use on the TV etc
    (I am a tad hopeless in this area)
    – lives for today, looks to tomorrow and appreciates yesterday

    He does exist, I know he does, perhaps just around the corner….


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