Words of warning for my daughtersPosted: February 9, 2014 Filed under: LOVE, Parenting | Tags: actions not words, best face, beware of mummy's boys, carry a big stick and watch out, co dependency, danger little ladies, financial drain, he may be cute but really he is a hot mess, help for mothers with daughters with no real father figure available, knight in shining bullshit, narcissistic personality disorder, prince charming may be bankrupt, prince charming may be living a lie, run away creeps, self helpless, single mother high alert, single mothering, The Rolling Stones - Emotional Rescue lyrics, toxic relationships 5 Comments
My eldest child has been ‘dating’, and it scares me. I’ve met some of these guys, some of them are players, some of them are nice. She is testing the waters and learning that love can hurt. This worries me because it makes me question what I could have done differently as a parent. How do I keep her from harm? How do I narcissist-proof her and my other daughters? How do I warn them away from the creeps that I fell for? How do I teach them all that falling in love is magical but they must mind the gap? The gap between the face people show you and their real self. How do I tell them that the words people say are largely a mask and that their actions speak volumes? I’m trying to teach my gals about the ‘red flags’. I saw the red flags and I chose to ignore them. I will say to my gals, if your beau has no money and you are constantly paying for everything then perhaps he can’t get his act together (I’ve read that book, I also have the T-shirt, the ruler and the DVD). That bailing your boyfriend out of every financial disaster is no way to run a partnership. And watch out for boys who are tangled in a scary Oedipal relationship with their mummies. Some mothers aren’t able to say to their sons ‘grow up and be a man Peter Pan.’ But what would I know? I’m only their mother. The lyrics to this song are the kind of rubbish I listened to (and believed) when I was a teenager. I love the Rolling Stones’ music but I tell my gals if a man ever says these words to you, run fast and do not look back. That way co dependency lies….
The best advice one can give is to cherish family & true friends (Facebook is not friendship), be yourself & learn to be alone. Being single is not sad, as all advertising would have one believe, it is empowering. Love is the least understood & most misused word in any language.
And yet the thing most of us pine for…….
And few truly experience.
Fortunately The Dorta (her words) has been through a few gritty experiences already and is now nourishing herself instead of a bloke’s ego and the shimmery ideal of lurv. She’s moved out and is showing her room mates how to eat healthily. You’d be shocked – no you wouldn’t – to learn how many of these nineteen-year-olds are already locked into roles in relationships. Were we like that? I think I did most of my crazies at thirty-plus..
It’s not their fault, it’s their hormones! I think the urge to mate can be such a driving force when we’re young that it can overtake our brains. Once the hormones leave us ladies can get on with the business of taking over the world.