2014 is the Chinese Year of the Wood Horse, starting today. In Chinese astrology I’m a fire horse, which means this year I’ll be galloping into even more chaotic adventures than usual.
Horses are headstrong and haughty, the rebel and the dandy of Chinese astrology. Valiant horses love speed, adventure and freedom.
Now that the Chinese New Year has started, this horse has a few serious resolutions:
I will find room to roam
I will avoid fire starters
I will search out wide, open spaces
I will avoid Water Rats at all costs
I will fight for my rights
I will try to horse around
Xin Nian Kuai Le
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Only 10 days to go until my delinquent children go back to the maximum security prison I’ve chosen for them. Mothers, if you’re looking for something to fill the remaining days of torture, no, I mean happiness, I believe that staycations are currently popular. Or as single mothers call them, staying at home because it’s all we can bloody afford. So my kids and I are on trend. Travelling with kids and pets is just moving the chaos and mess to another more expensive location anyway. Or you could try going on a cheap holiday with another single parent; boozing, gatecrashing other people’s parties at the park for food and losing your children at an unfamiliar shopping centre are standard single mother school holiday adventures.
If, like me, the thought of camping makes you dry retch, borrow a tent from a friend and pitch it in the back yard for your kids or even the front nature strip if you live in an apartment. In summer kids can live in a tent for months at a time. Think about this: the money you save on holidays can go towards a cleaner, so you can continue to be a dirty house mother.
The long summer holidays can often look like this: extra kids, 3 broken eggs, 2 sleep ins, 7 old movies watched 100 times, 3 shopping expeditions to the two dollar shop, 3 weeks, sorry, days spent wearing pyjamas, 8 play dates, 37 cupcakes, 15 burnt offerings, dog eared books, hundreds of sighs and ‘I’m-so-bored’s’, 12 paintings that the landlord will want you to remove before you get your bond back, and one over-medicated, cranky, over-tired mother. On the last day of the school holidays, I will have a picnic to celebrate the end of summer, if you can call a bottle of riesling a picnic.
In his Presley obituary, Lester Bangs, credited Elvis as “the man who brought overt blatant vulgar sexual frenzy to the popular arts in America.”
Elvis would have been 79 today. This is my favourite Elvis song. I love the backing vocals and the lyrics. And his jumpsuit, how can anyone not love Elvis’ outfits?
Today the Aussie comedy fraternity is saying goodbye to a top bloke, an Aussie comedy legend. Thanks for the laughs mate, you brightened my life at a time when I needed a friend.