China’s singletons celebrate Singles Day (or ‘bare sticks’) as an alternative to Valentine’s Day on November 11 — or 11/11, the date representing all the lonely people. Being single on Valentine’s Day is a big problem in China, where there are millions more men than women because of the country’s one-child policy. Sitting on the bus with no one beside me is fun, but I’d love to celebrate being alone with other sad singles, is anyone throwing a blind date party tonight?
Today I feel sorry for my postman, he’ll be off on compo for months after breaking his back delivering 1000s of cards, flowers, chocolates, garden gnomes, truffles, pet pigs and poison pen letters to my front door. I’ll give him a big hug and all my love when he gets out of hospital. I’m sure my 157 Facebook boyfriends have sent me their bank account details as well. As I reflect on the sorry state of my love life this Valentine’s Day, AKA VD or Singles Appreciation Day (thank you teenage daughter for that bit of wisdom) I’m thinking of the words of my spiritual guru George Michael,
“It’s so hard to love, there’s so much to hate, when there is no hope to speak of….” I don’t know how George Michael knew about my future love life and unsuccessful internet dating attempts when he wrote that song back in the glory days of the 1980s, but I feel there’s something in those profound words for all of us.
Maybe I don’t. Facebook is offering me so many potential step fathers for my children I can’t decide which one to marry, they all speak good Engrish ‘n that.
I’m loving that I told the Facebook robot that I’m single, because I’m really enjoying the specificity of Facebook’s targeted advertising.
Dear Facebook ads
Do I want to connect with
US sperm donors
I’m also loving the requests and messages I’m receiving on Facebook too, some of them from famous men. The problem is that I’m spoilt for choice.
HELLO FROM MISS MERCY
I saw your profile in the face book and i was so interested i will like to have a good love relationship with you please write me back not in the face book please my dear so that i can send you my pictures
Hello pretty, saw your profile and was moved with what i saw. I will like to know you more.just glanced through your profile and photos,I must really say you look charming,nice, magnificent and gorgeous in your picture..I don’t mind if I get to know you better,would really love to be your friend…i await your response.
hi lovely theophilus ,i am very happy to see your reply,and i am happy that you are a christian,i too is a christian,i am happy that i meet somebody like you in internet,i am single never married,i am 30yrs old,i need a very straight woman that i will live the rest of my life with ,i am from Africa,and i really have interest on foreign woman, so that i will learn the culture of other country,i am a guy that believe in truth,carering,loving and trusting,i am a hard working some one who believe in spiritual,and i am a new person in internet,because before i wrote to you i fasted and pray,for gods favour.count on me i will make my self a part of your family,love you so much,hopping to hear from you,
My name is Jeremy, I have a friendly feelings. I saw your profile today and i decide to leave a message for you, I like the gentleness in your eyes which shows sincerity, I will like us to get to know each other better hope to read from you soon …..cheers.
Hello dear how are you.i hope you are doing fine,i was delighted when i got to your profile,and i hope you can give me a chance to be a good friend to you.well hope i can read from you soon.
how are you doing hope you are doing great i saw your picture here on Facebook it really caught my heart i am new here i will love to get to know you more better my dear i mark smith i live in UK London
Am a man of dignity, sincere,honest,dedicated, responsible, patience,passionate, affectionate, loving, caring and adventurous.I don’t care about distance, provided you are for real, and ready for a long term relationship am ready to settle down and be with you sooner than you can ever imagine.
perhaps we could set up conversation to know each other more better,
I look forward to hearing from you, Till then. Have a loving day best love always,
How are you today? You look good can i get to know you more ?? I am really warm my face with smile after coming close to your profile , You look so special.I always feel so honored and happy to know you..I’m a single father .
Can we be good friends?
Hello? My name Paul Simon I’m interested in knowing you and being friendly with you . I would appreciate it if we get acquainted as soon as possible . I quite believe we can start from here since it takes a moment to know someone. From Paul Simon
It is my pleasure communicating with you for the first time and believing that it will lead to a better relationship. I was looking through my face book profile and i actually stop on your page. i live here in America ,single and hoping to fine nice company.i hope we try to get to know each other ,start a conversation if that’s fine with you.i am just an easy going person, don’t mean to disturb you. Please permit me to inform you my mind, because I have made up my mind to express my feelings and my present condition to you. Please never be offended. I hope distance and colour has nothing to do with this matter. I have no problems with age difference between you and I, i so much believe that my freedom will come through your good help.
Beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholders..Oh my God, you are so cute and beautiful..never knew there were still angels on earth.I will like to know more about you if you don’t mind.My name is Adrian Bowen and I am from Germany.Take care and have a wonderful day.
You are really pretty
Words can’t express your beauty, Are you from this planet?
Tell me whatever cream you apply that made you so fresh and sparkling. LOL
Can we be friends here? my names are Raymond Harry and i work as U.S army in american, please don’t hesitate to write to me back cos that’s the only way we can communicate for now…a
Hi my dear,
Is said to be a day that Great friends meet and become great, i stopped by on your profile , as this your profile
picture got me attracted and made me to be interest to know you more, am sorry for batching into your privacy
inbox with my message to you without your permision i wish to be your friend and to know you more? please
reply to my message immediately you read it.
I’m so in awe of their flattering words and fabulous punctuation, I think I’ll have to take votes from my readers, which lovely suitor should I choose? Raymond, Richard, Erika, Harry, Mercy, Adrian, Jeremy or Paul Simon?
Every time I log onto Facebook or Hotmail or MyTwitFace or any kind of social networking sites late at night when my children are in bed and I’m feeling all alone (cue sad, lonely blues music) and crying into my cask of wine, I see ads popping up tempting me to log on and find my ideal man. The ads read something like this:
Find good looking single policemen in your area. I could dial 000, it’d be quicker and cheaper. When I got burgled recently I had five big policemen on my doorstep within twenty minutes and I didn’t have to sign up for endless emails.
Single and Christian? Find God’s Perfect Match for You. I found God’s matchmaking skills were way, way out. The guy who was apparently ‘ideal’ for me had a head like a brick and lived in Utah.
Come on a singles cruise. Great, so he can throw up on me at breakfast, lunch and dinner.