You put a spell on me

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the single mothers and fathers, hope you get lucky today with chocolate kisses and your children wake up smelling like roses. Remember it’s better to be single than fall for a dating scam online. As that well-known expert on internet dating Shakespeare said,

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom

Happy Go Ahead Date A Single Mother Day

Here’s my sweet, romantic poem in honour of Valentines Day:

Roses are red, violets are blue

I didn’t get a thing today so f#*^! you

Were the flower delivery trucks parked at your door when you awoke? Did you hire someone to manage the line of men? I bet I received a better present than you today. I received self raising flour, drinking chocolate, a crumpled UNO card and bubbles (in the bath when my daughter farted)

What else did I get for Valentines Day?

Emotional turmoil – check

Feeling forlorn – check

Eviction notice – check

Sad, lonely and blue – check

When I was coupled up I didn’t get Valentine’s presents. I got the kids and he kept the used woman from the second hand stall at the markets.

Are you spoken for? Spoken about? Taken or taken for granted?

My bloody Valentine

Today I feel sorry for my postman, he’ll be off on compo for months after breaking his back delivering 1000s of cards, flowers, chocolates, garden gnomes, truffles, pet pigs and poison pen letters to my front door. I’ll give him a big hug and all my love when he gets out of hospital. I’m sure my 157 Facebook boyfriends have sent me their bank account details as well. As I reflect on the sorry state of my love life this Valentine’s Day, AKA VD or Singles Appreciation Day (thank you teenage daughter for that bit of wisdom) I’m thinking of the words of my spiritual guru George Michael,
It’s so hard to love, there’s so much to hate, when there is no hope to speak of….” I don’t know how George Michael knew about my future love life and unsuccessful internet dating attempts when he wrote that song back in the glory days of the 1980s, but I feel there’s something in those profound words for all of us.

We got married in a fever

Being the true romantic single lady that I am, it came to my attention that February 14 was a really bad day for a lot of mature people who are only five cats away from a sad and lonely life. The last time I gave a Valentine’s card was back in the late 70s when I ran to the house of a beautiful blonde boy I had a crush on to deliver my card featuring my carefully disguised handwriting. After I dropped my love note in his letterbox I set a personal best time running home from his house so he wouldn’t know it was me who’d sent him a declaration of undying love (that lasted about 3 weeks).

Apparently condom manufacturers love Valentine’s Day but for those of us who would like to forget this commercial celebration of romance, please remember that some highly successful marriages commenced today, including Elton John and Renate Blauel, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid and Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

Bang Bang

Happy Valentine’s Day