Addicted
Posted: March 25, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: big brother, Cambridge Analytica, conspiracy theories, data mining, delete Facebook, Facebook, irony, Mark Zuckerberg, mind control, online addictions, single mother advice, social media Leave a commentThis week we learned that we must no longer go online because bad people will steal our identities, our children will turn into Minecraft addicted zombie bots (too late) and we’ll all start speaking Russian and worshipping Putin.
This is a blog post about why you shouldn’t be reading my blog online because your health will suffer. It is harmful to be on the Internet. Please direct lots of people here and make a habit of visiting my site because it will help my stats, but don’t become dependent. It will be your fault dear readers if you give me insomnia while I stay up all night dealing with all the comments and emails and awkward conversations that your online obsession provokes. You’ll be fine on my blog, but don’t visit any other websites, and please make sure you don’t tell Cambridge Analytica that you have been reading this post. And don’t comment with the F word or Mark Zuckerberg’s lawyers will come to your house late at night and steal your thoughts.
Isn’t our world moronic? Don’t you think?
This post has been brought to you by the Alanis Morrissette school of irony and Instagram influencer mothers posting photos of their kids playing #devicefree and #technologyfree while those mothers profit from these same kids’ lives on social media.
#irony
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Black cat crossing…
Posted: October 29, 2017 Filed under: LOVE, Thought For the Day | Tags: auspol, Celtic lore, choice Joyce, fashion statements, halloween, housing crisis, housing for low income earners, negative gearing, Samhain, single mother advice, single mother fashion, single mother politics, spooky politicians, Tax cuts for low income earners, trick or treat Leave a commentHappy Halloween.
On October 31st I’m going trick or treating in our PM Malcolm Turnbull’s street in Point Piper. I’m going to wear my lovely signature single mother ghoulish fashion; my statement piece is a T-shirt saying:
Liberal Government Have Ended Negative Gearing
On the back it says:
Tax Rate for BRW Rich Listers Rises to 73%
Hopefully, I will scare the sinister people in Malcolm’s neighbourhood and if the AFP let me stay, there may even be a sighting of the ghost of Turnbull’s leadership. As our Prime Minister will be in Israel, perhaps his servants will join me in the hunt for Turnbull’s spine but I may just end up with a cauldron full of broken promises.
Then on the Day of the Dead, November 1st, I’m going to hop on my broomstick and haunt the streets of Mal’s Wentworth electorate dressed as a bat in a Barnaby Joyce mask. Anyone want to help me trick some very spooky politicians?
Remember to eat, drink and be scary
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Not normal
Posted: October 1, 2017 Filed under: LOVE, Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: christian deeds, equal rights, folly, love, love and marriage, loveislove, marriage equality, same sex marriage, what is normal Leave a commentLast night I came home late and found this piece of junk mail in my letterbox delivered by the coalition for marriage.
These unChristians could be spending money sheltering homeless people or sending aid to the Rohingya people, Mexico or Puerto Rico, but instead they waste their money on printing their lies about LGBTQIA families, based on made up fairy tales and their limited definition of what it means to be a family. As a single mum, I also object to being told that my family is not the norm.
What is normal? Urban Dictionary says, that normal is a word used as a tool of conformity. It is not normal for Christians to promote hating their fellow man.
Coalition for the disparagement of truth, every word they have printed is a lie. Promoting hate and division is not what Jesus did.
As Maya Angelou said,
“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”
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Kids In The Kitchen
Posted: March 19, 2017 Filed under: FOOD, Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: baked beans, comedy, cooking disasters, cooking fails, crap cooking, Lou Pollard comedy shows, Lou Pollard stand up comedian, low budget cooking, mother was a good cook too, single mother comedians, Smotherhood, Sydney Comedy Festival 2017 1 CommentApparently you have to feed kids good nutrition to help ’em grow. But frankly, I’m sick of cooking. Once upon a time I worked with a woman selling merchandise who wasn’t brilliant at customer service. We used to jokingly say to her, “This shop would run smoothly if these stupid customers stopped coming in,” and I feel the same about my kids coming into the kitchen. I’d have a clean house if it wasn’t for these grotty teenagers. So at dinner time, my kids get two choices, like it or lump it. My daughters usually swap the inedible contents of their lunchboxes for their unsuspecting school friends’ more tasty morsels.
I’ve written a comedy show about my lack of enthusiasm for being left in charge of catering, frankly it’s a job that I’m underwhelmed and ill-equipped to handle, but it has provided my children many opportunities to laugh at me. And made them good cooks.
I’d love you to bring foodie friends to my funny show as I embark on a quest to outsource the catering. You’ll laugh your guts up as I enlist the audience in my hunt for a personal cooking slave. This show contains bad cooking and more culinary disasters than a season of Gordon Ramsay, along with sensational stand-up and me singing a few tunes. If you’re tired of smashing your own avocados, come to Lou Pollard in Kids In The Kitchen for the 2017 Sydney Comedy Festival at Matchbox – The Factory Theatre, 105 Victoria Road Marrickville on Saturday 6th May at 5.45pm and Sunday 7 May 2017 at 4.45pm
Book tix: 2017 Sydney Comedy Festival tickets for Lou Pollard
Lou Pollard’s Looking For Mike Brady show is a joyous, wonderfully warped, true, raw romp through the minefields and thickets that beset dating, single parenthood and the predations of ageing.
**** Four stars – themusic.com.au
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Dear Santa
Posted: December 24, 2016 Filed under: LOVE, Thought For the Day | Tags: care, Channukah, Christmas Eve, goodwill, John Lennon, joy to the world, Letter to Santa, love, please, Santa Claus, Santa wishes, single mother wish list, so this is Christmas, special events 4 CommentsG’day. Here’s my last minute Christmas list for you. I’ve been very busy this year, so as I haven’t really had time to be naughty I think I’m in with a chance of getting a few of these items. So this Christmas I wish you could:
- Please send really sick kids home from children’s hospitals with good health
- Please give their parents a restful break
- Please find homes for homeless people, especially those battling snow and bitter winds
- Please change the gun laws in the US
- Please outlaw the over-supply of greedy real estate agents who profit from people’s basic need for housing
- Please give the tectonic plates a rest for a while
- Please kick out politicians who put their own personal profits ahead of the health, harmony, safety and education of the nation they pretend to be serving
- Please send French champagne and chocolates to my loved ones while I have a lie down
- Please keep an eye on my eldest as she adventures through the wilds of South America
- Please tell whoever is in charge of choosing who dies (I don’t know where they are, maybe in the office next to yours at the North Pole?) not to take any more of our fabulous artists. Can this entity please choose despots, thugs and so-called success coaches in 2017 instead?
I’m trying not to be greedy but some peace, love, joy, giggles, goodwill, gratitude, patience, kisses, health, harmony, dark chocolate, extra light for Channukah, belly laughter, hugs, respect and no new Mariah Carey singles for a while would be ace too
Thanks mate, I’ve got beer waiting for you as long as your reindeer poo out the back of my garden
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Top of the morning
Posted: March 17, 2016 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Irish ancestors, Irish blood, limericks, limericks for single mothers, Luck of the Irish, Paddy's Day, Shane MacGowan singing, single mothers in Ireland, St Paddy's day parade, St patrick's Day, The Dubliners ft. The Pogues - The Irish Rover (Live, TOTP 1987) 2 CommentsI’ve written a limerick in honour of my Irish relatives on St Paddy’s Day. Throughout history single mothers have always been popular in Ireland.
There once was a mother who knew
That children ate more when they grew
So she stopped feeding dinner
Her children grew thinner
and she had more money for shoes
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Kiss A Ginger Day
Posted: January 12, 2016 Filed under: LOVE, Thought For the Day | Tags: CAROL BURNETT, carrot tops, Days of the year, Ed Sheeran - Photograph, famous redheads, flame red hair, January 12 celebrations, Kiss A Ginger Day, Lucille Ball, Nicole Kidman Australian princess, orange crayons, red hair, redheads, sending love to redheads 2 CommentsIn opposition to “Kick a Ginger Day” Derek Forgie created “Kiss A Ginger Day,” celebrated on the 12th of January every year.
Famous ginger tops include Carol Burnett, Vincent Van Gogh, Susan Sarandon, Tim Minchin, Ginger Spice, Australian princess Our Knickers, Shirley Maclaine, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Lucille Ball, Prince Harry and Ed Sheeran whose music is a bit cheesy but I still like him.
Celebrate Kiss a Ginger Day by smooching your favourite redhead, and mark January 12 on your calendar because it is far better to spread love than hate. I’ve always loved the orange crayons.
