Christ Kringle

Dear Santa

Can we please have an inspiring prime minister like Jacinta Ardern or Justin Trudeau for Christmas?

All I want for Christmas is my dad, Stella Young, David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, my friends Claire, Ant, Veljko and Marc to come back. I’ll swap you Trump, Barnaby Joyce, Tony Abbott, Rupert Murdoch, the cast of any of the Bachie shows, the Sunrise panel and that dolt Dutton.

And let’s close the gap, give indigenous kids back to their communities to heal, and also get kids out of detention ploise, they don’t belong there and neither do their parents

K?

All I really want for Christmas is a cocker spaniel and a house to put him in


Wish list for Santa

I know it’s early but here is my most wanted present list:

1. Hydraulic crane bra to thrust boobies up and out. I want to be able to rest my chin on them when I’m tired.

2. New brain or Mensa member’s if secondhand.

3. Long, white porn star fingernails and a slave for chores so I won’t break nails.

4. Children who feed, clothe and bathe themselves, and walk to school safely.

5. New pelvic floor.

6. Home that cleans itself (with no mortgage)

7. Lifetime supply of Lindt chocolate balls

8. Annual foreign holidays with swarthy, sexy stranger

 

 

I must send a copy of my list to Santa.