Can we please have an inspiring prime minister like Jacinta Ardern or Justin Trudeau for Christmas?
All I want for Christmas is my dad, Stella Young, David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, my friends Claire, Ant, Veljko and Marc to come back. I’ll swap you Trump, Barnaby Joyce, Tony Abbott, Rupert Murdoch, the cast of any of the Bachie shows, the Sunrise panel and that dolt Dutton.
And let’s close the gap, give indigenous kids back to their communities to heal, and also get kids out of detention ploise, they don’t belong there and neither do their parents
All I really want for Christmas is a cocker spaniel and a house to put him in
Christmas Dessert Ingredients:
Packaged, dried, past it’s best fruit from cheapo supermarket
Lemons to taste
Eggs close to use by date
Flour sifted for weevils
Valium (quantity as required)
AC/DC on loud
5 kilos of family arguments regarding timing of food serving
7 phone calls from mother with dementia about how she will be forgotten at Xmas
Orphans popping in with their relatives who you can’t stand
Mix all ingredients, leave to rot and go to the nearest pub on Christmas Eve
and I’m checking my single mama Christmas list. Mine looks a bit different to Santa’s version:
Last minute, hope this will do presents for my kids – tick
Chocolates bought at service station for relatives – tick
Happy face on when kids buy you same cheap present as last year – tick
Fight with siblings – tick
Feeling abnormal – tick
Dysfunctional family – tick
Underwhelmed by lack of French champagne and luxury goods – tick
Forgot my own present – tick
Can’t drink alcohol because I’m driving all over town – tick
Smile for my mother even though I really hate eating ham – tick
Not feeling very relaxed because I’m holding the fort – tick
Dream bubble above my head of me with a hottie on a Caribbean beach instead of being stuck in a hot house – tick
Sending cards to all the family and friends I forgot about on Boxing Day – tick
What’s on your Christmas wish list?
Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby Christmas Special 1957
The silly season is upon us. Hello Santa, Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah. This has been an exhausting, challenging, mad year for many of my loved ones. Peace to all.
I’m dreaming of a sunny summer, but I love this song