Single mother fruit cake

Christmas Dessert Ingredients:

Packaged, dried, past it’s best fruit from cheapo supermarket

Icing sugar

Gin

Lemons to taste

Eggs close to use by date

Flour sifted for weevils

Valium (quantity as required)

AC/DC on loud

5 kilos of family arguments regarding timing of food serving

7 phone calls from mother with dementia about how she will be forgotten at Xmas

Orphans popping in with their relatives who you can’t stand

Mix all ingredients, leave to rot and go to the nearest pub on Christmas Eve


Santa’s checking his list

and I’m checking my single mama Christmas list. Mine looks a bit different to Santa’s version:

Last minute, hope this will do presents for my kids – tick
Chocolates bought at service station for relatives – tick
Happy face on when kids buy you same cheap present as last year – tick
Fight with siblings – tick
Feeling abnormal – tick
Dysfunctional family – tick
Underwhelmed by lack of French champagne and luxury goods – tick
Forgot my own present – tick
Can’t drink alcohol because I’m driving all over town – tick
Smile for my mother even though I really hate eating ham – tick
Not feeling very relaxed because I’m holding the fort – tick
Dream bubble above my head of me with a hottie on a Caribbean beach instead of being stuck in a hot house – tick
Sending cards to all the family and friends I forgot about on Boxing Day – tick

What’s on your Christmas wish list?

Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby Christmas Special 1957


On the 12th day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true friend gave to me
Twelve tall tales
Eleven nasty rumours
Ten bottles of wine
Nine pickled possums
Eight golden beers
Seven pieces of advice
Six out of reach dreams
Five onion rings
Four nudie runs
Three glaring reminders
Two thwarted ambitions
And an old friend laughing like a drain


Let Your Heart Be Light

The silly season is upon us. Hello Santa, Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah. This has been an exhausting, challenging, mad year for many of my loved ones. Peace to all.


Christmas with Dean Martin

I’m dreaming of a sunny summer, but I love this song