It’s Just Not Cricket

Happy Easter, Passover, festival of chocolate scoffing frenzy, four days off work.

I spent a large chunk of my childhood being forced to go to church and listen to sermons by elderly white male ministers. On Easter Sunday I thought I’d write my own Easter sermon.

The Urban dictionary definition of It’s Just Not Cricket is:

Australian Slang – Having something that is unjust or just plain wrong done to someone or something. This comes from the game of cricket which is regarded as a gentlemen’s game where fair play was paramount.

NOT CRICKET:

The Australian government is locking up children in detention centres for years but our country is crying about cricket. What have we become? I don’t believe it is our government’s right to tamper with the lives of refugees, to make them wait for years to be processed, for Dutton to refuse to send some of them to New Zealand. Economically, it doesn’t make sense. We could bring all the refugees here and save millions of dollars every year.

 

Passover commemorates the liberation of the Israelites, why can’t we as Australians band together and liberate some refugees?

NOT CRICKET:

Women dying of domestic violence at a rate of 1-2 per week

Uluru Statement ignored

An abuser is still in the White House

Genocide in Myanmar

 

But a bit of sandpaper on a ball is what makes us enraged.

This Easter, I think Jesus would be worried more about feeding homeless people than the 12th man.

 


Beetroot stains

It’s been a bloody grouse week for those of us who speak fluent Strine. We’ve had ripper new words and phrases added to our lingo:

Rejoyce – lying to your constituents then getting re-elected

Beetrooter – older white male who preys on young female work mates

Beetrorter – doing dodgy deals to ensure a parliamentary pension

Fang a Canavan* – protecting your mates despite their ability to act like a dickhead

Go Full Barnaby – chucking a sickie when the top job awaits

Ucken Joyce mate – to flick your wife and kids with no wucken furries

Chuck a Vikki – to root someone whom even Stevie Wonder would find fuggly

*See also nepotism & cronyism

 

Machine Gun Fellatio – Pussytown


If voting changed anything they’d make it illegal

Politics? Anyone still interested? In Australia we are near the end of one of our longest ever election campaigns. In the US the fun has barely started.

Our world is in a mess.

Australia’s land clearing emissions have nearly doubled in the last three years. Most Australians want the Great Barrier Reef saved at the expense of coal mining. Idiot conservatives who have protected paedophiles for decades want to waste hundreds of millions of dollars on a same sex marriage plebiscite, babies are being harmed in detention centres, and many of our politicians pay lip service to ending violence against women. Funding to the arts and education have been slashed.

For the future health of our children, no further open cut mining or coal seam gas drilling should be permitted in residential or good agricultural land or near our waterways. Our long-term future is more important than coal, and nothing can replace the loss of our food bowl. To ensure a fossil fuel-free future we must vote the dinosaurs out of our parliaments.

This election, vote wisely. On Saturday July 2nd, we get to decide our next prime minister (until he gets knifed in the back by one of his party faithful).

Please think about what you’re voting for. You control your preference in the order you choose. Handouts at the polling booth are the way each party wants you to vote for their own best results, which is usually not the ideal outcome for the future of our country. It is time to make our votes count. We must honour the legacy of Jo Cox. 

Your vote is powerful.

In the voting booth, everyone is equal – Barbara Boxer

UB 40 If it Happens Again


Vote For Me

Why don’t you vote for me?

Not everyone in North Sydney would pay to meet Bronwyn Bishop.

This Thursday April 21st and Friday April 22nd, I’m performing my funny new show all about Australian politics, Vote One Lou Pollard at the Factory Theatre in Marrickville for the 2016 Sydney Comedy Festival. In this election year, come along and hear my crazy tales of politics in North Sydney.

When the other candidates are a joke, vote for the comedian

Vote One Lou Pollard tickets

Lou Pollard politician

 


Vote for me

In a month, I’m performing my fourth solo comedy show for the Sydney Comedy Festival at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville. I’ve written a show about my brief but dazzling foray into the political arena at last year’s North Sydney by election.

Vote One Lou Pollard

Lou Pollard politician

Written and authorised by Lou Pollard for the Single Mothers having a party Party

Buy tickets: Vote One show tickets


Vote early, vote often

Today the people of North Sydney must decide who will represent them in Canberra in the House of Representatives. MP Joe Hockey retired early, which meant a by-election costing taxpayers approximately $1.5 million had to be held, even though there will be a federal election sometime next year. There are 13 candidates in today’s poll, ranging from strong independents to more of the same white males, to new faces in brand new parties, passionate about bringing new ideas to the Australian political landscape.

I’m really hoping the fine people of the lower North Shore vote for change, that they put their faith in a candidate with fresh ideas not the one with the huge budget for self-promotion and out-of-date policies. I hope they’ll vote for a candidate who wants to recognise indigenous people in our constitution, improve our environment, and make education, health and the arts as their top priorities and the woman who will best serve the electorate.


Vote 1 Lou Pollard

I’m the first official candidate for the Arts Party in the federal seat of North Sydney for the by-election to be held on Saturday December 5th.

The Arts Party

No, I haven’t gone mad, I think that the only way to change the world is to do my best to make Australia a more creative, educated and cultured country, especially in an area that has been ruled by conservative male politicians for a very long time. There are 13 candidates standing, from the Bullet Train party to Clive Palmer’s PUP candidate and Fred Nile’s Christian Democrats. I’m hoping that the electorate is ready for someone different to the pale, balding males in blue suits. I’ve been learning a lot since I decided to run, and last weekend as I campaigned for the first time in North Sydney, I found that the locals are sick of party politics and pettiness getting in the way of good decision making.

There are a lot of small independent parties and candidates running and the incumbent party have a lot of money to spend on focus groups, calling their constituents and marketing. I’m hoping one of the parties will start a juicy smear campaign and the fun will really begin.

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you – Author Unknown

Here’s a list of all the candidates, I’m number one on the ballot (really the luck of the draw)

North Sydney electorate candidates

If you live in North Sydney please vote for me so I can make some real changes. And when it comes to my opponents, in the words of one of my favourite comedians:

Don’t vote, it only encourages them – Billy Connolly