God only knows

In 2017 I was lucky enough to visit Italy and I went on a tour of the Vatican. The impenetrable wall around Vatican City and numerous security cameras screamed inclusiveness to me. In the Vaticano museum, there are priceless works from an immense collection built up by Popes throughout the centuries, including some of the most renowned classical sculptures and important masterpieces of Renaissance art in the world. They own paintings by Leonardo, Van Gogh, Raphael, Picasso, Chagall and Dali for God’s sake. Why won’t the Catholic Church sell some of these artworks and antiquities to help the victims of child abuse by their priests? Or perhaps the world’s starving and homeless? When the gap between rich and poor has never been greater, why are ‘good Catholics’ paying for statues to be made and shipped from all over the world to an already over-stuffed museum? They could wipe out a generation’s problems with a few garage and property sales around the world. So why don’t they?

My visit was a few days before Pell was charged. After his arrest, in St Peter’s Square there were polizei, army and carabinieri on every corner and tourist monument. Pell was hidden away. Who could blame the poor victims who for years were ignored, if they decided to revolt against these monsters in power?

20% of Christian brothers are guilty of perpetrating or covering up child abuse. The Catholic Church pays to protect paedophile priests but argues over paying compensation to their victims when money for shelter and counselling could alleviate the suffering of those whose childhoods were robbed by sick perverts.

The Australia-wide Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse delivered its final recommendations in December 2017. More than 60,000 abuse survivors came forward. The suicide rate amongst males in Ballarat (Pell’s home city) is twice that of Melbourne. But still, some in the Catholic Church believe that their religion is being unfairly targeted. This is the organisation where all serving archbishops told the royal commission they would not report to police a colleague who admitted in the confessional to child rape.

And scumbag journalists with zero credibility defend them.

Members of the media who defend child rapists must be sacked. And a truly visionary pope who wanted to help victims would be a great start.

 

The church asked Catholics to pay for Pell’s defence team, they helped Pell raise money but try to avoid payment to victims. They initially refused to put in an interim care scheme and a lot of the Catholic diocese’ say they ‘intend’ to sign up for the redress scheme, despite lobbying government to cut it down. Something is seriously wrong with this supposedly moral institution. It’s almost as if paedophiles (and alleged paedophiles) are taken care of but not the victims. Jesus would kick these greedy money lenders out of the temple.

“And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the money changers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.”

What the Catholic Church is really worth


Sweaty

Summer in Straya – a few of my favourite things:

Flying cockroaches

Lasting New Years resolutions like eating more sugar and drinking more fruity wine

Teenagers asked to empty dishwasher kindly putting 3 forks away

Sweaty humid walk home from beach to end up stinkier than before ocean swim

Adults moaning about kids singing too loud while playing music at the park

Watermelon stains on white clothing

Photos of depressed northern hemisphere mates clad in grey overcoats

Burnt veggies on the barbie

Drunken laughter drifting from pub beer gardens

Politicians releasing details of dodgy deals on public holidays

Cat bringing dead lizards and mangled mice inside for shared family dinner

Oldies bitching about toddlers having public meltdowns. Who doesn’t love a good tantrum?

Mango dribbling down your chin

Appointments with melanoma specialists

Work experience radio hosts describing daily weather. “Hot then bucketing down. Tomorrow balmy, then a summery, tropical weekend scorcher.”

Warm drinks laced with flies

Happy sweaty Southern Hemisphere summer


Important stuff single mothers must do before we die

The items I most want to tick off my chuck it in the bucket list:
1. Find a single 97-year-old billionaire outside a Las Vegas wedding chapel
2. Earn enough money for cask wine, Prozac, Phenergan & 2-minute noodles

3. Post about single motherhood money challenges without being contacted by a self-employed pyramid scheming guru wanting me to invest in their ‘incredible once in lifetime opportunity, don’t miss out, fast-growing’ business
4. Finish a sentence without being interrupted by a chatty child
5. Block well-meaning women on social media whose side career is marketing anti-aging cosmetics, life-changing cleanses and other ‘green’ products of dubious nutritional value
6. Get thrown off a mechanical bull into an enormous foam pit full of cash
7. Strip without grimacing
8. Skydive into a ginormous bucket of French champagne
9. Do a poo in peace in a toilet that has been cleaned by someone else
10. Get ex to pay for kids (dreaming)
11. Dare to live fully while sleeping 16 hours a day in a room with a view
12. Draft legislation to outlaw the word ‘panties’
13. Have a holiday that doesn’t involve child-friendly parks
14. Fly a hot air balloon into a massive pot of gold
15. Children shoplift without getting caught
16. Doze on a beach for 12 months while servants cater to every whim
17. Hear the sound of silence in my head
18. Smile because I’m not worrying about bills I can’t pay

19. Snorkel with old friends in an Olympic-sized pool of gin

20. Outlaw bucket lists


Winner, winner, dog food dinner

You won $1.25M AUD in the ICC WORLD TWENTY20 PROMO 2016 with Reference [INDIA-RSA-PRT-279-30-2016]. Reply to; mla.icct20@gmail.com or call 00447937349377 for details. T’s and C’s apply!

Can’t hardly believe it or not, I am a winner. My astrologer told me that 2016 was going to be tops for someone with a moon in Uranus and now I’ve won enough to put a deposit on a house only three hours from Sydney. Incredible.

Prince Thieves in the Temple


I’m sure this is legitimate

I’m so thrilled! I’ve just received an email from the lead singer of one of my favourite bands. I can’t believe Paul Weller sent me an email. I didn’t know he had a connection to The Abu Dhabi Families. Paul Weller is not usually a fan of the internet but he decided I was worth his time. This is the single mother get rich quick scheme I’ve been looking for

ABU DHABI INVESTMENT LLP
SANDERSON HOUSE STATION ROAD,
HORSFORTH, LEEDS,
LS18 5NT, UNITED KINGDOM

Good Day,

I am Paul Weller, Abu Dhabi Investment LLP; a business developer, stock broker and portfolio Manager. I went through your profile and will like to develop a business partnership with you; The Abu Dhabi Families are interested in investing seven to eight figure British currencies.

The reason why I have contacted you is because, we are specially interested to invest in your Country and after checking the world business directory, I decided to contact you, I will like to keep the details short for now. If you are interested and have a project worth investing on, kindly reply to this email. Do not forget to include your direct cell phone number and the best time to call you, in your reply. I will call you to discuss the modality and other details once I get a reply from you.

I am looking forward to your response and working with you on this Investment project.

Yours Faithfully

Paul Weller
BUSINESS DEVELOPER
ABU DHABI INVESTMENT LLP
Email: paulweller@abudhabiinvestmentllp.com


Aussie Code of Conduct

Apparently the English cricket team and the Indonesian President are calling for a code of conduct for all future dealings with Australian cricketers and politicians. I think this is a great idea for anyone who has to deal with us Oztraylians, so here it is, The Official Aussie Code of Cultural Conduct:

1. One must learn to speak Australian, consonants are optional. Oztraylian is our national language, by order of Ken Oath

2. One must learn to eat like an Australian, we’re partial to a bit of goanna on the barbie in the arvo, so rip into it cobber

3. Saying ‘one must’ is very unAustralian, it sounds like you’re an up yourself Pommy bastard. Try not to sound like you learnt your English from the BBC.

4. Apart from the first Australians, we all came here by boat, so any visitors must wear a boater (even if you flew in) and we will call you a ‘boatie’

5. We have a rich oral tradition, sledging is very fashionable in Australia. If you want to fit in, call your new Aussie acquaintance a wanker or a bastard, it is a term of endearment. We also throw the C word around to describe our friends. If you’re gay you can call a friend a faggot, and I’ll answer with a smile if my girlfriends call me an old tart

6. Respecting our language means abbreviating everything, barbeque is barbie, afternoon is arvo, Anthony John Abbott is shortened to utter tool

7. Respecting Aussie culture means giving thanks to the first peoples of this land who have a rich history. The posh parts of Australia like Sydney that were developed by the whities are a little different to your country, but they are filled with kultcha. We have historical buildings that are 10 or 15 years old

8. Spying is a part of the Australian national ethos. We have bloody big backyards and if we didn’t spy we wouldn’t know when we could drop in on our neighbours to use their pool and have a free feed

9. Many Australians get pissed (it is practically compulsory) and say things we regret the next morning, and we often forget the time difference between our sunburnt land and other countries, so please forgive us for our big mouths and time delay. Drinking on an empty head and spinning a yarn in the hot sun was passed down by our fore fathers and mothers.

10. Our only truly national sports are naked backyard cricket mixed with drinking competitions. We would be honoured to compete against your country


Shopping for a mate on the internet

I joined Badoo, E-Harmony and RSVP and numerous other internet dating sites about two years ago. I wrote profiles and answered a million questions but never followed them up. It was too overwhelming and scary and as my girlfriends tell me I am a ‘bad picker’ so I couldn’t tell if some hot guy was right for me anyway. Today I had a look at the quality of available males and my main thought was still, ‘Am I bothered?’

BADOO
I checked out 24 year old Marius with a view of the Alps in the back of his photo. I’d love a toy boy but long distance, need help from a translator because I don’t speak German and I’m terrified about his music taste because I haven’t heard of most of it because he was born in the 80s when I was partying hard, and he’d be up for a relationship with an old bag like me? No thank you.

E Harmony
Do I really want to meet Brenton from Belconnen? Apparently he is a highly compatible match, but he smokes, likes motocross and doesn’t read books. I don’t know what motocross is, I’m a hypocritical two packs a day ex-smoker, now rabidly on my soapbox about non-smoking because cancer sticks cause death, and I’ll read a cereal packet if I can’t get my daily reading fix. And why did I tick the box that said I’d be up for a date with anyone anywhere in the world? Brenton lives in Canberra.

RSVP
Nice guys, oozing sincerity but why are they all so bad at spelling? Why can’t these men use a spell check before they post their desperation on the internet? And they’re in their 40s and they want their own child and/or they want a step parent for their children. Me as a step mother? I would be a wicked stepmother, and I don’t mean that in a wick-ed cool way. I would be a nightmare stepmother favouring my own children over anyone else’s kids.

Am I being too fussy? Maybe I just don’t want a new husband. I think I’d rather buy a male cocker spaniel who will love and worship me unconditionally.