Dear selfie kings and queens,
Here’s a revolutionary idea for you when posting to your millions of followers on Instagram: Your posts can be edited.

Call me old fashioned but if you profess to be an expert in your field, perhaps you could proudly display that you can grasp the basic idea of stringing a sentence together?

Maybe proclaiming that youre / your / ur a thought leader then displaying a smorgasbord of unedited grammar and spelling mistakes is not ideal for your brand. If you’re claiming to help people get millions of followers perhaps it would help if you were mildly literate.

It’s bad enough when Insta ‘celebratiez’ post photos of their ugly children, but recently, on her Insta feed, well-known personal trainer MB posted the words,
All be it

I think the word she was looking for was albeit. Really. I’m going to start a heartfelt crowdfunding campaign for the poor lady, she obviously can’t afford to pay someone to proofread her life-changing posts.

Pert ladies and buff gents, you know that tweets can’t be edited (looking at you idiot President number 45) but all your other brilliant revolutionary thoughts on other social media channels can. How about you learn to use the delete button and maybe send a text to a friend who can spell so they can read your genius ideas before you pay to boost your inspo post?

I really love that your /ur / youre a lifestyle guru and new media-savvy social influencer. Honestly I do. But if you want to be a disruptor (gag) then maybe read your ‘next ‘level’ post before you hit the share button…

Why I love Facebook

I recently read this ad on Farcebook:

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Bec Davy
Having faith in God and hope through his strength and grace and awesomeness allows u to achieve all your goals and live a life of abundance…. Service and happiness and peace
Like · Reply · 6 hrs

Stacey Donnelly
Dick head
Like · Reply · 23 October at 23:23

I’m sure this is legitimate

I’m so thrilled! I’ve just received an email from the lead singer of one of my favourite bands. I can’t believe Paul Weller sent me an email. I didn’t know he had a connection to The Abu Dhabi Families. Paul Weller is not usually a fan of the internet but he decided I was worth his time. This is the single mother get rich quick scheme I’ve been looking for


Good Day,

I am Paul Weller, Abu Dhabi Investment LLP; a business developer, stock broker and portfolio Manager. I went through your profile and will like to develop a business partnership with you; The Abu Dhabi Families are interested in investing seven to eight figure British currencies.

The reason why I have contacted you is because, we are specially interested to invest in your Country and after checking the world business directory, I decided to contact you, I will like to keep the details short for now. If you are interested and have a project worth investing on, kindly reply to this email. Do not forget to include your direct cell phone number and the best time to call you, in your reply. I will call you to discuss the modality and other details once I get a reply from you.

I am looking forward to your response and working with you on this Investment project.

Yours Faithfully

Paul Weller

Here I go again

I’m putting on another solo comedy show for Sydney Fringe Festival in September. My show is called Looking For Mike Brady and it’s all about what a hot catch I am for a wealthy architect (not really). At this time of year I usually look at my script and say to myself, ‘I hate it, it’s not funny, what a load of bollocks, what am I going to be when I grow up?’ But I’ve decided to do my show anyway because it gets me out of the house to hang out with a few friends and drink champers. Please come and see my show, it is yet another of my fabulous single mother get rich quick schemes.

Bring your best laughs to the Factory Theatre in Marrickville (the home of Fringe Comedy) for 2 nights, Wednesday September 24 and Friday September 26