Dear selfie kings and queens,
Here’s a revolutionary idea for you when posting to your millions of followers on Instagram: Your posts can be edited.

Call me old fashioned but if you profess to be an expert in your field, perhaps you could proudly display that you can grasp the basic idea of stringing a sentence together?

Maybe proclaiming that youre / your / ur a thought leader then displaying a smorgasbord of unedited grammar and spelling mistakes is not ideal for your brand. If you’re claiming to help people get millions of followers perhaps it would help if you were mildly literate.

It’s bad enough when Insta ‘celebratiez’ post photos of their ugly children, but recently, on her Insta feed, well-known personal trainer MB posted the words,
All be it

I think the word she was looking for was albeit. Really. I’m going to start a heartfelt crowdfunding campaign for the poor lady, she obviously can’t afford to pay someone to proofread her life-changing posts.

Pert ladies and buff gents, you know that tweets can’t be edited (looking at you idiot President number 45) but all your other brilliant revolutionary thoughts on other social media channels can. How about you learn to use the delete button and maybe send a text to a friend who can spell so they can read your genius ideas before you pay to boost your inspo post?

I really love that your /ur / youre a lifestyle guru and new media-savvy social influencer. Honestly I do. But if you want to be a disruptor (gag) then maybe read your ‘next ‘level’ post before you hit the share button…

Startled possum

Plastic surgery? Yes please. I want to look like a Siamese cat in a wind tunnel and kid myself that I have the skin I had when I was nineteen. I don’t want anyone to see my forehead move, I want my teeth to glow in the dark and a double helping of trout pout please. Mr Surgeon I want the Nicole Kidman I haven’t had surgery look. I want rocks on my chest, I don’t want my boobs to move when I jog out of the water at the beach. When you have the mental age of a 15 year old it sucks to have the skin of a 40 something harried mumma. Years of smoking, sun damage, partying and parental sleep deprivation have not been kind to my face. I’ve had a fabulous full life but does every crevice on my forehead have to show that? Banking institutions aren’t that keen to give me a loan to fund my new cougar on heat face so I’ll have to start a crowdfunding, donate to me I’m a worthwhile charitable cause website to procure funds for my new face. Just need to think up a name for my new charity. How about Face it, I’m fabulous?