Give it away, give it away, give it away

We’re doing a giveaway on instatwatrestfakebooklinked

Entering our competition is simple:

Like our page. Like our post. Like our Pinterest boards

Follow our unused Twitter feed

Like our Tumblr site that we haven’t updated since 2013

Like our Facebook page populated by nut jobs

Like our next-door neighbour’s cousin’s mother’s company, located in freak knows where that has no contact details on their website

Like my 615 friends’ pages that promote shonky science, hideous frocks and expensive shakes

Like photos of my awful children doing annoying crap

Please follow these pages:

I’ve had so much Botox I’m surprised even when I’m cranky

Women Who Sell Crap We Don’t Need

I’ll swallow handfuls of steroids and get fillers in my face, but won’t touch toxic vaccines

Follow ivedonemyresearch.com

Follow three random pages of your choice

Spend $500 on our website for 2 entries

Vote for me on a nonsensical awards site started by a shell company with no ethics

Tell your friends to vote for me

Help me buy my next investment property

Spin three times, click your heels and yell, Dorothy we won’t get back to Kansas

And you could win a $5 voucher for an online shop selling stuff from the tip

This is a paid partnership with common sense

Why are we tuning into charlatans and not wise people in our culture?


Instagrammar

Dear selfie kings and queens,
Here’s a revolutionary idea for you when posting to your millions of followers on Instagram: Your posts can be edited.

Call me old fashioned but if you profess to be an expert in your field, perhaps you could proudly display that you can grasp the basic idea of stringing a sentence together?

Maybe proclaiming that youre / your / ur a thought leader then displaying a smorgasbord of unedited grammar and spelling mistakes is not ideal for your brand. If you’re claiming to help people get millions of followers perhaps it would help if you were mildly literate.

It’s bad enough when Insta ‘celebratiez’ post photos of their ugly children, but recently, on her Insta feed, well-known personal trainer MB posted the words,
All be it

I think the word she was looking for was albeit. Really. I’m going to start a heartfelt crowdfunding campaign for the poor lady, she obviously can’t afford to pay someone to proofread her life-changing posts.

Pert ladies and buff gents, you know that tweets can’t be edited (looking at you idiot President number 45) but all your other brilliant revolutionary thoughts on other social media channels can. How about you learn to use the delete button and maybe send a text to a friend who can spell so they can read your genius ideas before you pay to boost your inspo post?

I really love that your /ur / youre a lifestyle guru and new media-savvy social influencer. Honestly I do. But if you want to be a disruptor (gag) then maybe read your ‘next ‘level’ post before you hit the share button…