Give it away, give it away, give it away

We’re doing a giveaway on instatwatrestfakebooklinked

Entering our competition is simple:

Like our page. Like our post. Like our Pinterest boards

Follow our unused Twitter feed

Like our Tumblr site that we haven’t updated since 2013

Like our Facebook page populated by nut jobs

Like our next-door neighbour’s cousin’s mother’s company, located in freak knows where that has no contact details on their website

Like my 615 friends’ pages that promote shonky science, hideous frocks and expensive shakes

Like photos of my awful children doing annoying crap

Please follow these pages:

I’ve had so much Botox I’m surprised even when I’m cranky

Women Who Sell Crap We Don’t Need

I’ll swallow handfuls of steroids and get fillers in my face, but won’t touch toxic vaccines

Follow ivedonemyresearch.com

Follow three random pages of your choice

Spend $500 on our website for 2 entries

Vote for me on a nonsensical awards site started by a shell company with no ethics

Tell your friends to vote for me

Help me buy my next investment property

Spin three times, click your heels and yell, Dorothy we won’t get back to Kansas

And you could win a $5 voucher for an online shop selling stuff from the tip

This is a paid partnership with common sense

Why are we tuning into charlatans and not wise people in our culture?


7 must-own single mother fashion items

Aside from prescription medications, a home and a large cask of fruity leg-opener, here is your essential guide to the seven must-own style items for single mothers:

 

  1. A leopard cougar dress adds class to any event, including school canteen duties or my kid doesn’t deserve another detention meetings in the principal’s office
  2. A large slobbering pit bull wearing a choke collar is mandatory for surviving early weekend morning netball games courtside with only happily married power couples for company
  3. A timeless, barely-there I can’t pay the rent ripped t-shirt emblazoned with I am the patron saint of deadbeat males goes with just about anything and is perfect for last minute call ups to the school father’s day breakfast
  4. Flannie shirt and work boots, for that crucial menswear-inspired look to confuse the hell out of the parents who can’t guess which side of the sexual fence you’re sitting on at the school fete
  5. Add polish to your 3pm pick up look by combining a no-brainer plunging neckline with the quintessential single mother chunky snakeskin stiletto
  6. Sneakers found on the street outside charity shops lengthen your pay packet and mean you can run from your children when they embarrass you at the shops
  7. A basic toy boy dressed in suede or leather is the ultimate go-to handbag for school parent-teacher meetings, he will add instant sophistication

 

Jeannie C. Riley – Harper Valley P.T.A.