Dear potential new husband

I know I’m a catch, and I’d really like to go on an exciting lunch date with you to the hot hip new bar you’re proposing and I’m very keen to pay for your brilliant plan to boost my Instagram account with 10,000 new followers but,
My legs are hairy
The cat has to go to the vet
My pouting tween has left her school uniform on the bus
The Valium isn’t working
I need a long nap
And
Unless you organise a babysitter, come and pick me up and pay for everything our blooming romance is not going to happen

Please contact me at irresistiblematch.com so you can take a ticket and join the queue of eligible males pining for me

Thank you hot stuff
Love
Lou