Instagrammar

Dear selfie kings and queens,
Here’s a revolutionary idea for you when posting to your millions of followers on Instagram: Your posts can be edited.

Call me old fashioned but if you profess to be an expert in your field, perhaps you could proudly display that you can grasp the basic idea of stringing a sentence together?

Maybe proclaiming that youre / your / ur a thought leader then displaying a smorgasbord of unedited grammar and spelling mistakes is not ideal for your brand. If you’re claiming to help people get millions of followers perhaps it would help if you were mildly literate.

It’s bad enough when Insta ‘celebratiez’ post photos of their ugly children, but recently, on her Insta feed, well-known personal trainer MB posted the words,
All be it

I think the word she was looking for was albeit. Really. I’m going to start a heartfelt crowdfunding campaign for the poor lady, she obviously can’t afford to pay someone to proofread her life-changing posts.

Pert ladies and buff gents, you know that tweets can’t be edited (looking at you idiot President number 45) but all your other brilliant revolutionary thoughts on other social media channels can. How about you learn to use the delete button and maybe send a text to a friend who can spell so they can read your genius ideas before you pay to boost your inspo post?

I really love that your /ur / youre a lifestyle guru and new media-savvy social influencer. Honestly I do. But if you want to be a disruptor (gag) then maybe read your ‘next ‘level’ post before you hit the share button…


Gen Y lexicon

Gen Y are a group of young adults who will never be able to move out of home because their baby boomer parents bought all the property in Australian cities through negative gearing. The members of Generation Y have been under attack, apparently their parents told them they were fabulous too many times so young Y’s grew up feeling entitled to everything, even a job. Here’s my take on Generation Y can’t we change careers every year:

Thank you to Urban Dictionary for helpful clues

A is for ATTENTION SPAN of an ant
Apparently Gen Y’s stay in a job just long enough to use the bathroom, then they’re off to find themselves

B is for BABY BOOMER PARENTS
Who still think they’re teenagers

C is for CONVERSATION
Something people did in the olden days before tablets and texting was invented

D is for DENIAL
Don’t want to grow up? Baby Boomer parents didn’t want to either

E is for ENTITLED
Apparently this is not fashionable any more

F is for FAUX
Can’t afford the real thing but I MUST have it

G is for GET A WELL PAID JOB
Then all your housing dreams will come true

H is for HOME with the parents
Only until the age of 45

I is for INSTA
Everything is now

J is for JUSTIN BIEBER
Last year’s Davy Jones, Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, Mark Wahlberg, Zac Efron

K is for KNOW IT ALL
Irritating Boomer who thinks they’re hip enough to work in a predominately Gen Y office

L is for LONG SERVICE LEAVE
Que?

M is for MISUNDERSTOOD
Word

N is for NARCISSISTIC
Applies to every Gen Y human. No one born before Gen Y’s ever gave a thought to their own needs

O is for ORIGINAL
Something music used to be

P is for PRE-INTERNET
The land before time, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth

Q is for QUALITY
Better than quantity

R is for RUDE
X’ers who know everything & frequently lecture the generation born after them

S is for SAMPLE
Legitimate use of anyone’s art

T is for TEXTURAL
Only to be used when talking about food

U is for UNROOL
Try hard language for old people

V is for VINTAGE CLOTHING
Old people call it second hand or hand me downs

W is for WHY
Didn’t your mother keep her entire wardrobe from 1977?

X is for X’ers
Annoying Generation who came before the chosen people

Y is for Yaaass

Z is for ZED
Generation of digital natives born after the special people


Gen X Lexicon

Generation X are a grungey group of never grown up kidults reared on early MTV while our parents were drink driving, dealing and divorcing; we remember the day Kurt Cobain died not the day JFK was shot. As a fully fledged Gen Xer, I started this list originally on a scrap of paper on Campbelltown train station when I spotted a 14-year-old girl wearing a Katherine Hamnett T-shirt last seen in a Wham video in 1983. She told me it was ‘vintage.’ Her remark made me realise that pop culture has gotten out of hand, so here is my translation service for the new millennium.

A is for AFFECTED
Elle Macpherson and Kylie Minogue’s strangulated speaking voices. Pretentious? Moi?

B is for BACK IN OUR DAY
Something we never thought we’d hear ourselves say

B is also for BO-HO
Stuff your mum wore in 1972

C is for COVER
Original version of the song sounds better

D is for DABBLING in every job that came along

E is for EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
Glorified Receptionist

F is for FAUX
Overpriced copies made in China

F is for FITNESS INDUSTRY
Meatheads who get paid to work out, AKA I can’t fathom the cult of the personal trainer

F is also for FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Glorified waiter in the sky

G is for GRUNGE
You wore a flanny and a pair of ripped jeans because that was all you could afford. Apparently now it is an ironic fashion statement

H is for HEAVY Metal Music
We Gen X’ers lived through the glory days of Slayer, Metallica, Anthrax and Poison (not)

I is for IRONY, the defining characteristic of our generation

J is for JUSTIN BIEBER
Every generation has at least one heart throb. JB is this year’s Davy Jones, Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Mark Wahlberg

K is for KNEES UP
The Beastie Boys trained us to fight for our right to party

L is for LOVE
We loved Space Invaders, Doc Martens, Siouxsie, Ackadacka, 80s faaaashion and dancing ironically

M is for MOVING out of home as soon as you could. We were the last generation in the western world to do this

N is for NIRVANA, one of the defining bands of our generation

O is for ORIGINAL music, which last happened in the 1980s before talent shows took over the world

P is for PISSED off we didn’t buy a house when prices were cheap in major capital cities

Q is for QUALITY TIME, a phrase that helps us get away with not spending much time with our kids

R is for RETRO
Stuff your dad wore when he was 18

S is also for STATEMENT PIECES
Designer knock offs of 80s originals copied in Bangladesh

T is for TWITTER
Twats are people who send tweets about their every fart. I try not to worry my hypocritical little head about trying to make sense of the narcissism of social media

U is for USED
E.g. Cheap stuff bought on Gumtree then sold for ten times the price on Etsy

V is for VINTAGE CLOTHING
Overpriced second-hand stuff bought at Vinnies or the garage sale of a recently deceased old lady, resold to you by an opportunist on eBay at inflated prices. Opening your parcel you exclaim,
“Why didn’t I keep that polyester shirt and tie I wore with my winklepickers in 1983?”

W is for Wardrobe Malfunctions, think Janet Jackson, Al Grassby, Duran Duran videos circa 1982 and Sigue Sigue Sputnik

X is for XRAY vision AKA If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have worried about a thing

Y is for Y is the generation after us such a bunch of entitled brats?

Z is for ZEITGEIST
A word we used a lot before we dropped out of our third university course


If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books…

Shakespeare said we must, “unpack our heart with words.”
My name’s Lou and I’m a reader-holic. Reading keeps me sane but I don’t have enough time for all the books I’ve fallen in love with because I let trivial things like work and child rearing get in the way of my devotion to great literature. I’ll read anywhere; it’s not a problem. I take hours at the supermarket because I read every label. I scan the back of the cereal box at breakfast because I’ve taught my children it’s rude to read at the table. But really I’d be reading that too if I didn’t have to talk to them about their day.

My writer dad fostered my devotion to great books, when I was 11 he gave me Hemingway and Steinbeck to read and we talked about their writing. I still remember talking to Dad about the ocean being a character in Hemingway’s book The Old Man and The Sea when I was 12 years old. Books kept my dad’s mind alive through his deprived childhood and he treasured the craft of good writers.

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This is a photo of the current to read pile beside my bed. The book at the top is what I’m reading right now. The one at the bottom is by my dad. My dad wrote or edited over 100 books. Reading is my family’s addiction of choice. There are so many books and so little time. When I’m really, really old I’m going to live in a house filled with furry dogs and books and an open fire. The dogs will force me to get out of the house to walk them otherwise I’d stay inside reading and never see the sun. You’re never alone when you have a great book to read. Henry David Thoreau said,
“Books must be read as deliberately and reservedly as they were written.”

But my favourite quote on reading is from Lemony Snickert:
“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”

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Na No what?

November 1 means that (inter) National Novel Writing Month, better known as NaNoWriMo has started. Yes, I’ve pledged to write 50,000 words of a novel in November, with kids and gigs and parties and extra work, what a sensible idea as an already over-committed single mother. Well it’s November 4 and I’m over 5,000 words along. That wasn’t so hard. Yikes. At this rate I’ll be in love with my new novel by chapter two. If my blog is a shambles in November it’s because every day I write the book.


Sorrow Comes Unsent For

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, time to remember the babies I will never know. I wrote a story about one of them entitled Sorrow Comes Unsent For for an anthology of miscarriage stories called The Sound Of Silence.

This extract is taken from the blog of the book’s editor Irma Gold when the book won the Non Fiction award at the ACT Writing and Publishing Awards:

“An anthology about miscarriage seemed an unlikely winner, but win it did. The judges said:
‘The Sound of Silence was the stand-out winner on every level. This book proved to be compellingly readable, boasted good production design and evidenced careful, respectful editing. Although neither of the judges initially expected to be taken by this volume, both ultimately found it absorbing and uplifting. The writing was of the highest quality and deserves a readership well beyond its niche market. In short: An inspirational book and a clear winner.’

Their assessment recognises so many aspects of the book. For me, editing The Sound of Silence was a privilege. Many of the 22 writers had not previously been published, but they worked with me through the lengthy editing process with such grace and enthusiasm. This award acknowledges their strength and courage in telling stories that will help others affected by miscarriage.”

To buy the book click here:
The Sound of Silence Book

This is the trailer for the book:


I think people make their own faces as they grow

I’m feeling like a cross between Noddy and Big Ears, which is appropriate because Enid Blyton shares a birthday with Hulk Hogan today. I must be jolly old-fashioned.
A clown needn’t be the same out of the ring as he has to be when he’s in it. If you look at photographs of clowns when they’re just being ordinary men, they’ve got quite sad faces.” Enid Blyton, Five Go Off in a Caravan