Ay Corona
Posted: March 28, 2020 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, Politics, Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: auspol, climate change, corona virus, covid 19, death to trickle down economics, human behaviour, pale stale male Australian politicians, pollution, single mother dreaming, single mother struggles, wake up call 6 CommentsCall me a bloody hippy, but much good will come out of this time of corona madness. A whole new world is waiting to be born
We have stopped buying plastic crap we don’t need that is shipped here from overseas
All children may get access to good schooling and new technology
We will stop working in jobs we hate to buy crap we think we want
People have stopped injecting their bodies with botulism toxin
Maybe we will finally close the gap and have good health outcomes for our first nations people
Kids who aren’t neurotypical and don’t fit into our one size fits all school system will have other options for learning
Neighbours are looking after lonely, elderly folk because they’re not at work all the time
Billionaires and foreign companies who make massive profits may actually have to pay some tax to put money back into society.
People have stopped adding plastic to their fingers and breathing in solvents painted on their toes
Foxtel may go bust with no live sport being played; good riddance Rupert
People will wake up and realise that housing is a human right, not an investment opportunity. We may get rid of over blown rents, negative gearing and have housing that is fair for all
Families will spend quality time together; eating, arguing and singing
The planet will breathe while we’re not stampeding through every river and canal throwing plastic bottles into the sea
We finally appreciate and give thanks to doctors, ambos, nurses, teachers, garbos, shelf stackers, child care workers, aged care lovelies, check out chicks and roosters and start to honour how they keep our society going with their hard work
We will stop buying too many clothes, and not prop up an industry that exploits too many underpaid workers in countries that have no labour laws.
We will grow our own food, share with our neighbours, distribute goods according to need
We will live according to the seasons and honour the ebb and flow of mother nature
We may start to fund our scientists and actually listen when they impart their knowledge
We will swap clothes with our friends, mend and repair broken bits and bobs and remember that compulsive shopping doesn’t fill our hearts
We will crave our connection to nature and appreciate every blade of grass once it is safe to be back in the world
Without organised religious gatherings, people will start to question their beliefs and maybe not hide the paedophiles
We may realise that we don’t need the latest technology to be happy
200,000 poker machines are now sitting idle
We will discover we don’t need to pollute the planet with balloons at gender reveal parties, we can actually live with surprises
We will wake up and stop listening to and voting for greedy mad men who can barely turn up to do their job and finally decide to elect visionary leaders
We can no longer queue and panic buy phones and shoes and other stuff that we really can live without
Huge floating Petri dishes have been stopped from polluting precious cities and oceans across the world
We will have time to dance and sing together (online) and tell our stories and have time with our babies without having to rush off to feed the planet destroying capitalist beast
People will find out the real value of a dollar or a euro and realise that the share market is a house of cards, favouring only the fortunate
And the dolphins and the fish and the worms and the birds will come out of hiding and say ‘what took you so long silly humans?’
This revolution will be televised
2020 vision
Posted: December 31, 2019 Filed under: LOVE, Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: 2019 resolutions, 2020 hopes and dreams, 2020 vision, dancing, NYE 2019, singing, single mother advice, single mother dreaming, single mother tips, single mother truths 2 CommentsThe Pollard definitive guide to enjoying 2020:
Pat puppies and kiss kittens
Don’t vote for morons
Eat, drink and be merry
Don’t buy ‘beauty’ products
Stay off the internet
Help a refugee family
Read books
Unsubscribe
Stop buying plastic crap
Thank firies, ambos and nurses
Check your emotional baggage
Get fresh on the dance floor
Support the Uluru Statement
Be kind, even to dickheads
Don’t use the words onboarding, textural or disruptor
Buy the Big Issue
Sing every day
Bring home the facon (don’t harm piggies)
Love your friends
Swim in the ocean
Sundaze
Posted: October 15, 2017 Filed under: FEMINISM, LOVE | Tags: Fantasy, Happy mothering day, happy sundays, I want to spend it with you, Perfect Day, perfect single mothering, single mother dreaming, single mother worries, Sundays are for love, the future is female 2 CommentsPollard’s perfect single mother Sunday:
Gently woken from a sleep in by difficult middle child quietly whispering,
“I’ve cleaned my room and made breakfast.”
Fresh juice on the bedside table
Someone has changed the kitty litter
Breakfast in bed
More sleep
Cancer is cured, affordable health care for all is announced
Reading
Tony Abbott has been silenced
I frolic in the park with a gorgeous man, cavort with my cocker spaniel and happily play frisbee with jolly well-dressed children, after 11.30am. Kids have silently scrubbed the bathroom and I haven’t had to get out of bed to stop them fighting
Long lunch at a restaurant with loved ones
Donald Trump is impeached; he, Putin, Dutton and Kim Jong Ugh have been shipped off to a labour camp in Siberia
Afternoon nap uninterrupted by school run
Ping pong tournament with silly people ends in giggles and singalong
Dinner of nibblies and wine provided by an anonymous benefactor, while having a great chat with dear friends = perfection
Turn on news: we have a fantastic indigenous female Prime Minister. She outlaws homelessness and makes companies who profit from food and housing illegal.
After a long, lavender-scented bath, I go to sleep in a freshly made bed
I wake up on Monday morning and youngest child says,
“I’ve made my lunch and I’m getting myself to school mum, love you, I’ll make dinner tonight, bye.”
Lou Pollard you’re dreamin’
Poke ’em & go
Posted: August 28, 2016 Filed under: Parenting | Tags: Advice for single mothers, crazes, love, mental health of single mothers, parenting, pokemon Go, single mom dreams, single mother delusions, single mother dreaming, single mother struggles, Single Mum, Whistle While You Work - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Leave a commentDear 11-year-old child,
I know you’re really busy saving the world by watching people playing Minecraft on Youtube all day, but I’d like to ask a favour. Could you please catch and keep the following Pokemon people/creature/alien/thingies/whateverthehelltheyare?
Cleandyourbedroom a saurus
Oddishwasher won’t empty itself
Clefairy liquid over the sink and wash the dishes
Remove the Vileplume from your sister’s walk on floor-drobe
Meowth and change the kitty litter while you’re at it
Machop up some veggies for dinner
Rapidash to the bathroom to hang up your sisters’ wet towels
Slowpoke the dunny brush around the toilet
Weedle your way out of whinging about housework no more
Thank you great light of my life
Mother dearest
Whistle While You Work – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Thank you Siri
Posted: May 4, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Apple products, glamorous single mother life, iPhones, mental health of single mothers, single mother dreaming, single mother fantasies, Siri, The Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb (1966) Leave a commentMy fur child jumped on my iPhone this morning, causing Siri to ask “What can I help you with?”
Well Siri this morning you can help me with my poor taste in men, my lack of style, my mangy hair and my hangover. Then you can drive my kids to school, clean my flat, shop for food, disturb the mad voices in my head while I slumber and book me a holiday. Today I’d like to write, read, swim under a waterfall, sing, dance, do a yoga class, finish my tax return, laugh, have lunch with friends, eat lobster, watch a movie, drink expensive champagne, go sailing, walk on the beach, go to Bali and still have dinner on the table early
I’m your mother, I’m supposed to drive you crazy
Posted: May 11, 2014 Filed under: LOVE, Single Motherhood | Tags: glamorous single motherhood, Go on pamper me I'm your mother, happy single mothering, in praise of selfless mothers, let me eat cake, MOTHER'S DAY, Mother's Day 2014, Mother's Day Australia, my girls are my be-all and end-all, my mama worked so hard for me, peace, presents for single mothers, relaxation, single mother bliss, single mother dreaming, sleeping all day, spoilt single mothers, Stevie Wonder - Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing (Live) 2 CommentsFlowers, chocolates, cards, a new house and a new car, my kids know how to spoil me on Mother’s Day, but apparently today they forgot what I really like so they got me some soap. And candles so that my cheeky youngest child, who is a trainee fire starter, can melt wax all over the house. Joy. And as it is Mother’s Day I am supposed to smile sweetly and be grateful and pretend that it doesn’t bother me, otherwise in a few years they will relocate me to a home for the bewildered that plays Phil Collins songs all day. Sigh. Motherhood is so glamorous and exciting isn’t it? Rest up today mamas, it’s going to be a big year
May the Fourth be with you
Posted: May 4, 2014 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: 70s childhood, feminist space heroes, hair donuts, Luke Skywalker, May 4, May the 4th be with you, May the fourth be with you, Princess Leia, single mother dreaming, single mothers must use the force, Star Wars - Help me Obi Wan Kenobi you're my only hope, Star Wars silliness Leave a commentLong, long ago in a far, far away galaxy called my delinquent childhood, I wanted to be an outer space princess. My best friend’s dad took us to see the Star Wars fillum when it was first released at the beautiful State Theatre in Sydney. Most 70s movies were a complete cockfest but this movie had our feminist heroine Princess Leia fighting the blokes while rocking a Grecian gown and sporting hair donuts that all of us gals copied immediately for school the following week. Now when I am exhausted and my children are screaming at each other I mutter, ‘Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.” May the force be with you…..
Pretendo
Posted: April 9, 2014 Filed under: LOVE | Tags: bad at love but good at funny, emotional baggage handler, imaginary boyfriends, love and other problems, made up relationships, sad lonely single mother seeks Mike Brady for blended dysfunctional family, single mother delusions, single mother dreaming, single mother fantasies, TLC - No Scrubs 4 CommentsA woman said to me at a party recently, “You really have to get it right when you’re picking the husband who is going to be the father of your children.” I wanted to punch her in the face and say, ‘thanks so much for reminding me that I’m a really bad picker. That’s why I went out of my way to choose someone who refuses to support his children.”
I’m such a bad picker it is best that I only have imaginary boyfriends. Last night as I reheated old beans for dinner, I said to I-mag boyfriend, ‘where are you when I need you?’ My fantasy boyfriend makes the bed, buys me expensive restaurant meals, takes out the garbage and doesn’t mind that I am a professional fool.
Maybe us old feminist gals don’t have time for in-real-life boyfriends. How can we plan the revolution when we’re busy whispering sweet nothings into someone’s hairy ear? Luckily social media saved me from my mad late night musings and I didn’t have to be depressed and alone for too long. Another new boyfriend sent me a Facebook message at midnight which just about saved my life:
Hello,I’m Justin jack ,an Engineer live in England a divorcee.Your profile caught my attention! You look so cute and charming, saw your profile and was moved with what i saw. I will like to know you more.I want to learn more about you.I wait for your response.
Oh yippee!