A woman said to me at a party recently, “You really have to get it right when you’re picking the husband who is going to be the father of your children.” I wanted to punch her in the face and say, ‘thanks so much for reminding me that I’m a really bad picker. That’s why I went out of my way to choose someone who refuses to support his children.”

I’m such a bad picker it is best that I only have imaginary boyfriends. Last night as I reheated old beans for dinner, I said to I-mag boyfriend, ‘where are you when I need you?’ My fantasy boyfriend makes the bed, buys me expensive restaurant meals, takes out the garbage and doesn’t mind that I am a professional fool.

Maybe us old feminist gals don’t have time for in-real-life boyfriends. How can we plan the revolution when we’re busy whispering sweet nothings into someone’s hairy ear? Luckily social media saved me from my mad late night musings and I didn’t have to be depressed and alone for too long. Another new boyfriend sent me a Facebook message at midnight which just about saved my life:

Hello,I’m Justin jack ,an Engineer live in England a divorcee.Your profile caught my attention! You look so cute and charming, saw your profile and was moved with what i saw. I will like to know you more.I want to learn more about you.I wait for your response.

Oh yippee!

TLC – No Scrubs

4 Comments on “Pretendo”

  1. Catherine says:

    Don’t you love ‘advice’? And I’m sorry, anyone who can’t spell, well, no way!
    My girlfriend (single mum) has a theory that not having a bloke in the house helps us to age less – because we’re not worn out by them all the time. I’m liking this idea and – look around – could it be true??

    • loupollard says:

      My life is full of ‘advice’, pearls of wisdom from the unwise. I definitely get more sleep not having a bloke around. But my children are helping me age every day, that’s one of the services they offer.

  2. ladivacucina says:

    I’m sorry for the thoughtless comment, Lou. I’m so proud of your achievements and your beautiful girls. We think of you often and send love from across the seas! xoxox

    • loupollard says:

      There were a few of us in that room that she was commenting on. There are no guarantees. We don’t know what our breeding partner is going to be like as a parent until we’ve had kids with them unfortunately! Thanks for your love across the vast ocean. Miss you xx

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