Single Mother lexiconPosted: April 13, 2014
A is for Attitude. If you haven’t got any now, you’ll develop it after years of single motherhood
B is for Breeder’s regret, as in I picked him to be the father of my children? What was I thinking? I should have bred with a man not a boy
B is also for Bribery, one of the most helpful tools in the single mother tool kit
C is for Can I share custody with this man in five years time?
D is for Don’t know how you do it, translation: I don’t want your life, it looks too hard
E is for End of summer, a day celebrated by single mothers around the world whenever children go back to school after months of summer holiday.
F is for Frustration, i.e. speaking to any government department about collecting money from your children’s father for your kids.
G is for Glamorous, what single mothers become when their children visit their father
H is for Halloween, lots of free lollies for your kids
I is for I’m a single mother this week, what coupled up people say any time their partner is away for more than three days
J is for “Just wait until you become a mother.” Frequently said by single mothers to their children.
K is for Know It All Children AKA other people’s children
L is for Long ago and far away I used to be young, free and sassy
M is for Mothering Monday – Non-traditionally the second Monday in May, the best day to receive bargain flowers, soap and sympathy. Boxes of sweet fancies go cheap on this day.
N is for No money until pay day
O is for Oh My God, tinned spaghetti again?
P is for Perfect families, these fictitious people sometimes make children of single mothers envious
Q is for Queen of budgeting
R is for Red Cordial, what you give your kids when they’re going to meet your ex’s new girlfriend for the first time
S is for Sanity, what you lose when you become a single mother
S is also for Schooligan
The little rat in your kid’s class who is always causing trouble.
T is for Teenagers, the beasts your children turn into before they become lovely adults who thank you for your sacrifices
U is for Unbelievable, the amount politicians think you can live on
V is for Vinnies, the clothing boutique of choice for most single mothers
W is for Wild side, staying up past 10pm on a school night
W is also for Would, as in I would talk to my ex but I don’t speak moron
X is for Exhausted, permanently
Y is for Y did I choose to live like this?
Z is for Zone Out: what single mothers do when other women start talking about their cleaner or their nanny