Single Mother lexicon

A is for Attitude. If you haven’t got any now, you’ll develop it after years of single motherhood

B is for Breeder’s regret, as in I picked him to be the father of my children? What was I thinking? I should have bred with a man not a boy

B is also for Bribery, one of the most helpful tools in the single mother tool kit

C is for Can I share custody with this man in five years time?

D is for Don’t know how you do it, translation: I don’t want your life, it looks too hard

E is for End of summer, a day celebrated by single mothers around the world whenever children go back to school after months of summer holiday.

F is for Frustration, i.e. speaking to any government department about collecting money from your children’s father for your kids.

G is for Glamorous, what single mothers become when their children visit their father

H is for Halloween, lots of free lollies for your kids

I is for I’m a single mother this week, what coupled up people say any time their partner is away for more than three days

J is for “Just wait until you become a mother.” Frequently said by single mothers to their children.

K is for Know It All Children AKA other people’s children

L is for Long ago and far away I used to be young, free and sassy

M is for Mothering Monday – Non-traditionally the second Monday in May, the best day to receive bargain flowers, soap and sympathy. Boxes of sweet fancies go cheap on this day.

N is for No money until pay day

O is for Oh My God, tinned spaghetti again?

P is for Perfect families, these fictitious people sometimes make children of single mothers envious

Q is for Queen of budgeting

R is for Red Cordial, what you give your kids when they’re going to meet your ex’s new girlfriend for the first time

S is for Sanity, what you lose when you become a single mother

S is also for Schooligan
The little rat in your kid’s class who is always causing trouble.

T is for Teenagers, the beasts your children turn into before they become lovely adults who thank you for your sacrifices

U is for Unbelievable, the amount politicians think you can live on

V is for Vinnies, the clothing boutique of choice for most single mothers

W is for Wild side, staying up past 10pm on a school night

W is also for Would, as in I would talk to my ex but I don’t speak moron

X is for Exhausted, permanently

Y is for Y did I choose to live like this?

Z is for Zone Out: what single mothers do when other women start talking about their cleaner or their nanny

2 Comments on “Single Mother lexicon”

  1. Nomibug says:

    GOLD… And every word true. Thanks for the Sunday afternoon giggle 🙂

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