I miss my dad

This week marks 14 years since I lost my dad (down the back of the couch, it was a big lounge suite). My dad was hard-working, larger-than-life, full of energy and a bit of a nut with a great sense of humour. I miss him every day.

I’m now at the age where too regularly my friends are losing their dads. Great dads who worked hard and weren’t around that much when we were young because they had to feed us and pay the bills and blokes of that generation were taught to get on with it and not complain. Lovely men who then became gorgeous grandpas who made up for the time they’d missed with their kids by sharing their attention and dad jokes with our kids. Now they’re old and frail and leaving us. As a single mum I could really do with my dad around some days, but life goes on with him in our hearts.
Farewell grand dads and grandpas. We miss you so.


Dear potential new husband

I know I’m a catch, and I’d really like to go on an exciting lunch date with you to the hot hip new bar you’re proposing and I’m very keen to pay for your brilliant plan to boost my Instagram account with 10,000 new followers but,
My legs are hairy
The cat has to go to the vet
My pouting tween has left her school uniform on the bus
The Valium isn’t working
I need a long nap
And
Unless you organise a babysitter, come and pick me up and pay for everything our blooming romance is not going to happen

Please contact me at irresistiblematch.com so you can take a ticket and join the queue of eligible males pining for me

Thank you hot stuff
Love
Lou


Happy Single Mother’s Day

Dear money management expert

Thanks for contacting me on the weekend, especially on the eve of Mother’s Day, so kind of you to point out how little superannuation I have in my account. I know I’ve told you many times that I’d chat to you about investing my massive amounts of leftover money, but my kids like to eat and I really like paying my bills. I am working, I mean just take a look at my CV:

I’ve done infomercials for washing machines
I’ve got a draw full of great articles featuring me from really (well, they were once) prestigious newspapers, I’ve actually been in the papers since I was 18 months old
In 1999, the Sydney Morning Herald said I was an upcoming new comic

I made the choice to work in the arts not in finance, but it’s OK, Joe Foot In Mouth Hockey convinced me to get a good job, instead of working in lowly positions in the artistic world. And big Mal Turnbull has made me realise I should just ask my mother to buy me a house, so my money problems are solved.

Happy Mother’s Day to all financially challenged single mothers


Delusions

Deluded Parenting Syndrome also known as DPS, can strike males and females. DPS occurs when a parent believes they’ve done more parenting than they actually have.

DPS symptoms include:

Remote parenting via text message

Chatting up your teenage daughter’s friends

Borrowing your children’s clothes to wear

Bringing home every boyfriend or girlfriend for your kids to meet

Turning up for school events your child is involved in and staying for 5 minutes

Telling your child you’ll teach them how to play guitar, fly a kite or build a cubby but never actually getting around to it

Telling your child all about your sexual partners thinking you’re teaching them sex education. Eww.

DPS – keeping therapists in business since Jung was a boy

Pulp – A Little Soul