School holidaze
Posted: April 8, 2011 Filed under: Parenting, Raising Hell, Single Motherhood | Tags: AC/DC - Highway to Hell Live, baked bean parenting, cheap single mother holidays, cheap single mothering, parenting, perfect mothers, school holidays, Single mother glamour, single mother holiday traditions, single mother staycations, summer holidays Leave a commentOther people have mongrel children, not me. My children will behave like angels throughout the long holidays, while I tut-tut at the whining monsters of my neighbours.
DAY ONE
Children with brushed hair happily eating five course dinner. Happy Mother
DAY TWO
Ten hours of Monopoly. In pyjamas until 4pm.
DAY THREE
Five hours at Build A Bear Workshop
DAY FOUR
Seven hours of Lego
DAY FIVE
Don’t hit your sister
DAY SIX
Don’t hit your sister
DAY SEVEN
Baked beans are fine for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Don’t back chat your mother
DAY EIGHT
Stop farting at the table
DAY NINE
“This family have taken a vow of silence.”
Don’t hit your sister
DAY TEN
“Shut up we are supposed to be having a spiritual experience!”
“Don’t hit your sister”
DAY ELEVEN
“Eat your frozen peas”
DAY TWELVE
“Your grandmother would really love it if you went to her house for lunch, then dinner, then breakfast. Sorry I can’t come I have to alphabetise my recipe books.”
“Mum you’ve never used a cookbook.”
DAY TWENTY THREE
“Kids we have run out of money. You will have to get a job.”
“But I’m only nine.”
“100 years ago I could have sent you down a coal mine to support me.”
DAY THIRTY THREE
Mother sitting on couch chewing finger nails down to the knuckle, tearing split ends out and other I-am-at-a fashionable-day-spa behaviour. Television explodes, so mother reads gossip magazines stolen from neighbours’ recycling bins. Happy, happy, most mags were new. Kids locked out in garden, can barely hear their fighting.
loupollard 