Single Mother Handy Hints for the School Holidays
Posted: June 28, 2015 Filed under: FOOD, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, cheap single mother holidays, just one day out of life, Madonna - Holiday, mental health of single mothers, single mother cuisine, single mothering by text, single mothers need a holiday, winter school holidays Leave a commentSuggested school holiday menu:
1. Take it or leave it
2. Any food item that can be left in the oven and baked within an inch of its life is worth feeding to a child
3. Now is a good time for your kids to learn to cook
4. Like it or lump it
5. Tell your kids your family has been invited to appear on a reality TV show and vote yourself out of the kitchen. Run
6. Vegemite sandwiches are fashionable this week on Instagram
Suggested body armour to protect mothers from harm during long winter school holidays:
Helmet
Kneepads
Medication
Nanny
Eye Candy
Au pair
Shin pads
Babysitter
Chardonnay/Shiraz therapy
Pyjamas look great at 4 o’clock in the afternoon
Wear a onesie or matching tracksuit if you have teenagers, they’ll leave you alone in public
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In the firkst week of the New Year
Posted: January 7, 2015 Filed under: LOVE | Tags: cheap single mother holidays, Christmas hangovers, Christmas is so last year, I Hope That Somethin' Better Comes Along - Rowlf the Dog and Kermit the Frog, long summer holiday longing, single mother school holiday traditions, Something better will come along, traditional single mother holiday traditions Leave a commentMy true love gave to me:
A case of cheap wine that poisoned me
Repeat prescriptions for a nasty little virus
And a text message saying, ‘it’s not you, it’s me…’
May 2015 bless you with money, love and chocolate kisses
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School holidaze
Posted: April 8, 2011 Filed under: Parenting, Raising Hell, Single Motherhood | Tags: AC/DC - Highway to Hell Live, baked bean parenting, cheap single mother holidays, cheap single mothering, parenting, perfect mothers, school holidays, Single mother glamour, single mother holiday traditions, single mother staycations, summer holidays Leave a commentOther people have mongrel children, not me. My children will behave like angels throughout the long holidays, while I tut-tut at the whining monsters of my neighbours.
DAY ONE
Children with brushed hair happily eating five course dinner. Happy Mother
DAY TWO
Ten hours of Monopoly. In pyjamas until 4pm.
DAY THREE
Five hours at Build A Bear Workshop
DAY FOUR
Seven hours of Lego
DAY FIVE
Don’t hit your sister
DAY SIX
Don’t hit your sister
DAY SEVEN
Baked beans are fine for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Don’t back chat your mother
DAY EIGHT
Stop farting at the table
DAY NINE
“This family have taken a vow of silence.”
Don’t hit your sister
DAY TEN
“Shut up we are supposed to be having a spiritual experience!”
“Don’t hit your sister”
DAY ELEVEN
“Eat your frozen peas”
DAY TWELVE
“Your grandmother would really love it if you went to her house for lunch, then dinner, then breakfast. Sorry I can’t come I have to alphabetise my recipe books.”
“Mum you’ve never used a cookbook.”
DAY TWENTY THREE
“Kids we have run out of money. You will have to get a job.”
“But I’m only nine.”
“100 years ago I could have sent you down a coal mine to support me.”
DAY THIRTY THREE
Mother sitting on couch chewing finger nails down to the knuckle, tearing split ends out and other I-am-at-a fashionable-day-spa behaviour. Television explodes, so mother reads gossip magazines stolen from neighbours’ recycling bins. Happy, happy, most mags were new. Kids locked out in garden, can barely hear their fighting.
