Food for thought
Posted: August 14, 2016 Filed under: exercise, Self improvement | Tags: bacon, diet schmiet, ethical food, food for thought, Have you seen the little piggies on my breakfast plate?, hearty winter meals, How Much Is That Doggie In The Window - Patti Page, jumping to conclusions, piglets, single mother cuisine, single mother kitchen crisis, single mother struggles, walking fish, yum 2 CommentsPeople tell me I’m full of it. I think they mean good advice, so in the coming weeks I’m going to dish out advice for my friends who are feeling a little self-helpless. This week’s post is about healthy food for your kids. Actually it’s not, it’s about my gluttony because feeding children year after year is as dull as Donald Trump. I’m going to help you get a summer-ready body. Just joking, as if I care what your body looks like, I’m too busy feeding my face.
What we consume in summer is not that important. What we eat in winter is of great consequence. At the moment eating is my favourite hobby after sleeping and inhaling chocolate. After a cold northern summer sojourn, where I ate croissants every day and drank some kind of alcoholic beverage every night, I’m fading away to a shadow on the waif diet, too much coffee and not enough cake. I must eat more bacon and egg rolls now I’m back home living with my vegan children. Luckily my youngest is still a carnivore, thank the Lord (whoever she is). Last week my two eldest kids were out when I got some groceries home delivered, and I discovered that the supplier had given me a package of extra fatty porky goodness to sample. Spying it, my baby girl said,
“Mum can we eat some bacon because my sisters aren’t home?”
“HELL YES,” I squealed because no matter what they say, Facon or Veg-acon or whatever they call it is not the same. All those products labelled vegetarian sausages or burgers or tofu or whatever other flavourless stuff that gets churned out in a factory is called tastes like cardboard shavings.
My girls have made me watch some harrowing films lately and I hate what the meat industry does to innocent animals. And I really am very sorry little piggies, you are cute, and the way you are farmed is wrong, I just wish you didn’t taste so good.
How Much Is That Doggie In The Window – Patti Page
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Single Mother Handy Hints for the School Holidays
Posted: June 28, 2015 Filed under: FOOD, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, cheap single mother holidays, just one day out of life, Madonna - Holiday, mental health of single mothers, single mother cuisine, single mothering by text, single mothers need a holiday, winter school holidays Leave a commentSuggested school holiday menu:
1. Take it or leave it
2. Any food item that can be left in the oven and baked within an inch of its life is worth feeding to a child
3. Now is a good time for your kids to learn to cook
4. Like it or lump it
5. Tell your kids your family has been invited to appear on a reality TV show and vote yourself out of the kitchen. Run
6. Vegemite sandwiches are fashionable this week on Instagram
Suggested body armour to protect mothers from harm during long winter school holidays:
Helmet
Kneepads
Medication
Nanny
Eye Candy
Au pair
Shin pads
Babysitter
Chardonnay/Shiraz therapy
Pyjamas look great at 4 o’clock in the afternoon
Wear a onesie or matching tracksuit if you have teenagers, they’ll leave you alone in public
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This goes with this or that
Posted: July 30, 2014 Filed under: FOOD, Single Motherhood | Tags: cheap single mother meals, cheap single mothering, culinary negligence, I don't wanna be a Masterchef, I love Nigella, I love to eat I don't love to cook, single mother chef, single mother cuisine, single mother lack of cooking, The Muppet Show The Swedish Chef - Banana Split Leave a commentI seem to be the only person in the western world who doesn’t want to become a brilliant chef. Cooking is a chore. I don’t want to become a better cook, I want to find someone who’ll do it all for me. Don’t tell me about your red wine jus, your incredible sorbet or your herbed fish, serve it up for me and shut up. Meanwhile I make the same boring old dishes for my kids. I’m a monster of the mash, a demon of the Deb, a shaman of the sauce bottle, a goddess of the grilled chop, a soothsayer of stir fry, a magician with mince. The only thing I have in common with Nigella is that my ex husband tried to choke me too. Where’s a good looking chef when you need one?
