Tell me Kondo, Kondo, Kondo

Marie Kondo san

Vinnies and Salvos may not agree but I’d like to say,

Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu

I hugged my teenager and she didn’t give me joy so I sent her to live with her father

I spent Christmas with my relatives and they didn’t bring me happiness so I moved away

I laboured through a summer party with pill popping friends who became obnoxious, so this year I won’t be answering their calls

My daggy trackie dacks don’t spark joy but the fact that they still fit me after three kids does so I’m keeping them

Folding up Dutton, Morrison and Abbott at the next election will help my thoughts become clear

Parking cops don’t speak to my heart, out they go

Throwing out “joyless” items originally struck me as a first world problem. But the end result may be that the world is made better


Unspirational

A few things I’m hoping for in 2019:

Hardly any bottom of the budgie cage seeds on my veggies

No more friend requests from inspirational people selling pyramid schemes

A world class, leading expert free world

An absence of life hacks

A climate change deniers manned journey to Pluto

An apathy of new bucket list items

Motivational speaker free zones

A teaspoon of resolutions

Piglets running loose in public parks

A plethora of politicians who think before they speak

Truckloads of hot firies turning up at work


Sweaty

Summer in Straya – a few of my favourite things:

Flying cockroaches

Lasting New Years resolutions like eating more sugar and drinking more fruity wine

Teenagers asked to empty dishwasher kindly putting 3 forks away

Sweaty humid walk home from beach to end up stinkier than before ocean swim

Adults moaning about kids singing too loud while playing music at the park

Watermelon stains on white clothing

Photos of depressed northern hemisphere mates clad in grey overcoats

Burnt veggies on the barbie

Drunken laughter drifting from pub beer gardens

Politicians releasing details of dodgy deals on public holidays

Cat bringing dead lizards and mangled mice inside for shared family dinner

Oldies bitching about toddlers having public meltdowns. Who doesn’t love a good tantrum?

Mango dribbling down your chin

Appointments with melanoma specialists

Work experience radio hosts describing daily weather. “Hot then bucketing down. Tomorrow balmy, then a summery, tropical weekend scorcher.”

Warm drinks laced with flies

Happy sweaty Southern Hemisphere summer