I am a teenage dirtbag, aren’t I?

Happy birthday to me. Kooky single mother clown comedy writer. Please give generously or small children may go without food, and my poor, long-suffering teenager may grow up deprived of designer clothes and shoes. Apparently I’m supposed to starve to pay for everything.

Happy birthday to me

Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp still haven’t called me for my birthday, they must be sleeping

September 19 birthdays

Today is my birthday, so while I’m waiting for my cards, chocolate, flowers and new car from Johnny Depp and the Queen, I will tell you about other famous people who share my day.

This morning I ate a kilo of chocolate in honour of Mama Cass and George Cadbury. But I gave up ham, because it killed poor Mama. Apparently this is an urban myth, but I wish Mama Cass had shared her chocolate with Twiggy.

Today also happens to be International Talk Like A Pirate day. Which fills my heart with gladness. What do you get when you cross a pirate with a robot?


Aye I’ll be thar looking for a pirate for meself, just been keelhauled and be plunderin. I forgot to cast me message in bottle back…arrrrrrrr