HSC Mothers Anonymous

My senior school kid has been back at her girls’ prison camp for a few weeks and I’m already suffering. One day I had a beautiful child, the next the HSC devil dragged her away and left a lovely ‘personality’ in her place. Part way through Term 1 the pressure of big exams is already driving me crackers, so I’m starting a therapy group for mothers of HSC students.

Hello I’m Lou and I’m going through HSC stress. Symptoms include cranky cat’s bum face, lethargic dinner making, chocolate eating, bitching and moaning during over long phone calls with other mothers, slovenly housekeeping, delusions and fantasies about holidays.

My week looked like this:

Monday
Revolting moody child, homework piled up.

Tuesday
Revolting moody mother, work emails 30% finished

Wednesday
Coffee drinking, insomniac mother reading celebrity crap on internet until small hours

Thursday
Under eating daughter

Friday
Over eating mother

Saturday
Beautiful sunny child woman (weekends only). Highlight of week: 85% for essay mother helped with despite the tears. Mother calm.

Sunday nights at 5.30pm
Tearful tantrum throwing mother, only 61 pages of homework to finish.

I’ve had to call the chardonnay support group hotline three or four times this week.

When I tell my mother about my worries, she laughs and lets me know that the karma fairy has caught up with me. In the past fortnight I’ve finished a legal studies essay, written a piece on Warhol’s contribution to the art world and discussed the origins of World War 1 all while indulging her taste for exotic foods like feta cheese and olives. I’m up late every night doing all the study I should have done for my HSC back in the dark days of the 1980s. I hope I get a good mark this time.

Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown. In my heart it don’t mean a thing.” Toni Morrison


2 Comments on “HSC Mothers Anonymous”

  1. Hilarious. Chardonnay hotline… the number ?

  2. loupollard says:

    I’ve blocked it out, I’ll ask the young guy at my local bottle shop


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