Beetroot stains
Posted: February 18, 2018 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, Self improvement | Tags: auspol, Aussie lingo, Australian politicians, Australian Politics, Barnaby Joyce, Beetrooter, Machine Gun Fellatio - Pussytown, pale stale male Australian politicians, Political hypocrisy, political rorts, Rootgate, Strine Leave a commentIt’s been a bloody grouse week for those of us who speak fluent Strine. We’ve had ripper new words and phrases added to our lingo:
Rejoyce – lying to your constituents then getting re-elected
Beetrooter – older white male who preys on young female work mates
Beetrorter – doing dodgy deals to ensure a parliamentary pension
Fang a Canavan* – protecting your mates despite their ability to act like a dickhead
Go Full Barnaby – chucking a sickie when the top job awaits
Ucken Joyce mate – to flick your wife and kids with no wucken furries
Chuck a Vikki – to root someone whom even Stevie Wonder would find fuggly
*See also nepotism & cronyism
Machine Gun Fellatio – Pussytown
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Dogstagram
Posted: February 11, 2018 Filed under: exercise, LOVE, Self improvement | Tags: cats of Instagram, cats on social media, cats with attitude, catstagram, co-parenting with cats, dogs on social media, Dogs on YouTube, Dogsofinstagram, Facebook, Instagram, love, pets, pets on social media, YouTube videos of cats Leave a commentThis week a friend who is not a fan of social media asked me: Why do cute pooches and pussy cats have more social media followers than most humans?
Why? Because we love them. Pooches believe in unconditional love. Aspirational humans do not. Cats have attitude and don’t give a shit. I love dogs of Instagram because dogs are pretty. Dogs on insta don’t have bad plastic surgery, fake boobs and plastic nails. They’re not going to take cheesy selfies with trout pouts at monasteries and mosques. Dogs don’t take photos of themselves doing cartwheels at sacred sites. Dogs don’t pretend to be social media experts, they’re not trying to improve our lives, help us reach unattainable goals, sell us products or help their owners train to be ultra fit marathon runners and brag about it. Dogs just are. I love dogs.
Cats aren’t trying to mary football players, flog baby clothes or inspire us to upgrade to a better lifestyle. Cats hiss and bite when they’re pissed off. Cats are cool.
But I do wish dog owners would post more photos of mutts with fleas, mange and weeping eyes. Cat owners could oblige by sharing their scratch and sniff cat pee in the corner of the living room snaps more often too.
I’ll keep this rant short, I must dash, my cat needs to meet up with her personal trainer.
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Growing old disgracefully
Posted: February 4, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: 50th birthday, ageing, disruptor, friends, growing old, how old am I?, influencer, inspo, life, life goals, love, Right Said Fred - I`m Too Sexy, satire, self love, single mother advice, single mother aspirations, single mother goals, wine 1 CommentMy oldest childhood friend is about to turn 50 and realising I have elderly friends has made me think about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Middle age can be about making time for personal growth and wondering what sort of human you want to become in the second half of your life. Once my kids have moved out of home, I want to inspire people, live well and have fun, so when I grow up, hopefully I’ll still be young enough to:
Care about my fellow humans like Sam Newman
Be open-hearted like Prune Macsween
Dance like Peter Garrett
Have the compassion of Miranda (Not Really) Devine
Pop pills like Ben Cousins
Manage my hair like Donald Trump
Tolerate people like Peter Dutton
Possess the humility of Malcolm Turnbull
Be open-minded like Andrew Blot
Be submissive like Eddie Maguire
Be as sexy as Bronwyn Bishop
What’s on your life goals bucket list?
I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
