The resolutions will be televised

And they will be Instagrammed, photoshopped, Facebooked, Tweeted, Pinned, Googled, Tumblr’d and flogged on every available social media site. I hope the New Years Eve revolution (where we overthrow the politicians who run the current economic system of inequality) will be televised, but we’ll probably just be watching the same predictable TV show hosts bumbling their way through awkward live broadcasts of drunk people and fireworks.

 

Here is my riveting Lou Pollard official single mother New Year’s resolutions list (patent pending). In 2016 I promise I will:

 

1. Give up making lists that will never be acted upon
2. Feed the cat
3. Pat the backyard lizard
4. Sleep
5. Breathe
6. Swim
7. Laugh a lot
8. Prise myself away from pointless youtube searches
9. Dance
10. Feed the children


A list of resolutions to be broken by Wednesday week

Goodbye 2013, you went past in a flash. Hello sexy new year 2014. Suddenly all my annoying habits will vanish when the clock strikes midnight on December 31. In 2014 I will:
Sleep
Brush my hair
Keep tolerating fools (they are my colleagues after all)
Eat green vegies
Drink only the best champagne (yeah right, mid January I’ll be drinking whatever cheap plonk I can find)
Sleep
Quit time wasting social media addictions
Be a Zen master of motherhood and remain composed at all times (my children are rolling their eyes at that one)
I will not waste my days playing mindless electronic games
Play the ukulele like a boss
Run, jump, hop, skip
Be a good friend
Cherish my babies
Sing my heart out
Kiss more often
Swim like a dolphin in warm water in an ocean I’ve never swum in before
Help someone kick cancer’s arse
Travel places I’ve never been
See old friends and make new ones
Eat lots of green vegies and behave like a macro neurotic nun
Roller skate more now I’ve got a shiny new pair of wheels
Go overseas
Boogie
Follow my passion
Write my heart out
Keep chasing rainbows
Hug more friends
Find a cure for head lice
Laugh like a drain, but I’ll try to sound more like a gurgling stream

What’s on your resolution list?

Marvin Gaye – Got To Give It Up


Resolution Time

Apparently 31 December is a great time to make wishes for the coming year. I am taking this very seriously. I have decided as of 1 January 2013 I will give up Lindt Balls for breakfast and eat them only for dinner. Beetroot is also off my list because it tastes like dirt. And energy drinks, I tried my first one on Christmas Eve eve this year and I have resolved to never consume any beverage that tastes like cough medicine again. Hopefully I will think of a few more of these very serious resolutions for my healthy new life between now and the start of the Chinese New Year. 2013 is the Chinese Year of the Water Snake, so starting 10 February (or perhaps 1 January if the mood takes me) I will whisper sweet nothings, giggle more with my darling friends, play cricket on the beach, swim like a mermaid, yell less, behave like a model mother, practice my ukulele more, dance in the rain, tiptoe through the tulips (although I prefer gardenias), read more funny novels and write a cracking book. And shed some skin if I spend too much time at the seaside.