2016 achievements so far

At the end of 2015, I had a lot of goals for 2016:
More corporate tax paid
Less foreign aid cuts
More cake eating
Less Michelle Bridges
More real people
Less Insta famous twats

As we approach a new season, I thought I’d update my 2016 resolutions. Losing weight and being more productive are so 2012. Why not try these achievable ideas instead?

I will:

Blink more
Raise my cholesterol
Stare into space, at least three times a day
Say ‘I’ll do this later ‘ more frequently
Spend more time on social media looking at photos of strangers doing things I want to do
Be more envious of others (see above)
Remove kale, coconut and slow pressed juices from my home
Wait for something to happen

 

 

 

I feel better already


Vote for me

In a month, I’m performing my fourth solo comedy show for the Sydney Comedy Festival at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville. I’ve written a show about my brief but dazzling foray into the political arena at last year’s North Sydney by election.

Vote One Lou Pollard

Lou Pollard politician

Written and authorised by Lou Pollard for the Single Mothers having a party Party

Buy tickets: Vote One show tickets


Top of the morning

I’ve written a limerick in honour of my Irish relatives on St Paddy’s Day. Throughout history single mothers have always been popular in Ireland.

 

There once was a mother who knew
That children ate more when they grew
So she stopped feeding dinner
Her children grew thinner
and she had more money for shoes


I found love on the internet

March is proving to be the month of love, I’ve been inundated with offers. I was initially reluctant to try online dating, but after reading this email, I’m not going to be shy about signing up to meet lonely singles in other countries.

Teligence. each one Rihts reserved *every one models and memberfs of thnis web site are 18 years or mature -males’s unattached Chatline
Hard and sexual activity cycle: after a touch of the floor of concerns. were the bed room with out herr navel.passed out something ahhhhgh oye fck her specs by means of.
To clean coordinate to drink lot of her manners. try this had been assured often regarded actually a bunch annd draw me pissed off. through my material comfort to discharge herr assemble to his velocity and picfked in the air. mee as iit one way or the other might, under the courtyard. three2nd, my orifice rubbged the taking part in ftv mannequin swinging doorways and watch.

Him from the kitchen passion by the side of the powercul searchlights and
them over. My dick by means of in the least oily unsettled hittingg her and stood around icq.homosexual small talk delivery van, i used to decuce that it
waas cribbing.

He’s sent me so many messages, but I think in person Corgi Bernardi is the strong, silent type. I hope so.


Well behaved women rarely make history

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun,” said Katherine Hepburn.

This week I watched a pretty young gal take her clothes off on stage accompanied by a piece of ‘edgy’ music. She had great boobs and a tight little tush but since when did stripping, also called burlesque, become something to challenge society? It is not a subversive act to dress provocatively unless you have a brain and an opinion that matches your wardrobe. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that getting your tits out is an act of radical feminism, unless it’s coupled with the will to crush the patriarchy. We’re ravaging the environment in the name of money, women are dying from DV at the hands of their male partners and females still earn much less than their male counterparts; the male-power dominated world needs to change radically. I don’t see how a bit of T & A is going to change that. Please challenge me on this, I’d love to hear your thoughts.