Duck off 2017

As I prepare to be disappointed by New Year’s Eve celebrations and charge my teen’s phone so I can nag her home at some ungodly hour, I say good riddance to¬†2017. What a bastard of a year.

There were many lowlights of the numpty kind:

Nivea white purity ad campaign
Orange moron in the White House
Spaghetti donuts
Potato Dutton spending billions on locking asylum seekers up on Manus & Nauru

Text messages auto-correcting to duck

Vegetable yoghurts

Abetz, Bernardi, Blot, Abbott, Kenny, Not Devine, Credlin

Ads featuring Kendall Jenner
Chicken flavoured prosecco

Fine artists Mary Tyler Moore, Sam Shepard, Malcolm Young, David Cassidy, Chuck Berry, John Hurt and Tom Petty left our world

More white male shooters became killers in the US

Too many beautiful souls died of brain cancer

But there were also many heroes of 2017:
Magda Szubanski

Jacinda Ardern
Father Bob
Father Rod

Larissa Waters breast fed her baby in parliament

Victorians elected the first-ever female indigenous MP, Lidia Thorpe

Kon from the ASRC
Mums 4 Refugees

A people-powered movement stopped Adani’s $1Billion loan

Same Sex marriage finally became law
War on Waste campaign

Women’s Marches across the world

The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse ended; brave souls who’ve endured so much can hopefully begin to heal and churches will be forced to offer compensation

J.K. Rowling

Angela Merkel

Penny Wong

Lee Lin Chin

I graduated from primary school after 15 years

#MeToo ladies

Weinstein and other predators were named and shamed

Political leaders of the resistance

2018 is the year of the Earth Dog. According to Chinese astrologers, dogs sniff out the truth, corruption is exposed and the underdog is championed. Happy joyous New Year, may the dogs of 2018 pee on the legs of mansplainers, bring us a break from the political insanity, and bless us with more women in power, especially needed by those of us with a vagina.

Single mother fruit cake

Christmas Dessert Ingredients:

Packaged, dried, past it’s best fruit from cheapo supermarket

Icing sugar


Lemons to taste

Eggs close to use by date

Flour sifted for weevils

Valium (quantity as required)

AC/DC on loud

5 kilos of family arguments regarding timing of food serving

7 phone calls from mother with dementia about how she will be forgotten at Xmas

Orphans popping in with their relatives who you can’t stand

Mix all ingredients, leave to rot and go to the nearest pub on Christmas Eve


As 2017 is ending it is compulsory to make a list of achievements, resolutions and groceries. As a word class highly qualified inspo fitspo marketing guru and on trend innovative disruptive full of it social media influencer professional product placement specialist, I also like to make predictions on what will be hip and cool next week.

The big trends of 2018 will be:
Teens discovering original songs which are better than cover versions recorded by No One With Original Talent contestants

All you can eat pickled onions with plastic cheese will feature on TV cooking shows

Footy socks with thongs will be huge in Paris and Engadine

Jail time for anyone using the hashtags disruptor, innovator or influencer

Fabulous LGBTQIA weddings

Smug coupled up parents will learn that single mothering helps kids learn to be independent

Women in power

Natural lips

Brady bunch families will thrive when property prices plummet

Wearing undies in summer will be abolished due to global warming

Footy teams taking performance-enhancing drugs may win a championship

It will be illegal for teenaged Katy Perry fans to wear 80s metal T-shirts

Americans will discover that guns kill a lot of people

Researchers will find a cure for politicians

(C) Lou Pollard 2017

Traditional values

Thia week Australia celebrated a victorious YES vote for marriage equality. After all the hate that was unleashed on the LGBTQIA community,  it was beautiful to see my queer friends celebrating with their allies.

The religious hypocrites in the Anglican church spent $1million on an advertising campaign for the NO vote. ONE MILLION DOLLARS as homeless elderly people live under bridges and in cars.

I’m happy that most Australians stood up and fought for our friends so that we are all equal under the law. My gay friends have been bashed, spat at, ridiculed and put down by family and so-called friends and strangers. I’m writing¬†this for all the times they’ve heard, “I don’t mind gays, but,” for all the times they’ve heard someone use the statement, “That’s so gay,” in a derogatory way. It breaks my heart to think of the pain they’ve experienced during this hateful campaign that could have been avoided if PM Turnbull had any courage.

All the gay parents I know have had to choose their path carefully, to consider what parenting really meant. I know happy, healthy kids who have two mums and two dads, and they’re thriving. My kids have one parent available to them 24/7 and they’ve had trying times. Heterosexual parenting is more likely to expose kids to harm.

These are the politicians who didn’t have the courage to vote yes or no. Remember their names at the next Federal election:

As Ellen de Generes said, “Here are the values I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.”