Not happy man
Posted: August 22, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, All Saints - Never Ever US Version (Official Music Video), are we happy yet, gurus for single mothers, happiness gurus, self help for single moms, self helpless, single mom meditations, single mother, single mother dreams, too much busy Leave a commentAs someone who tries to spread happiness and joy to people in distress, I’ve been invited to hear a few modern gurus speak at conferences. They are usually happy high achievers with eager followers and best-selling self-help books. They often make me feel inadequate. I read their books and end up feeling like I have to add another set of chores to my already chock full to do list. This week I’d like to pay my bills and have a holiday, so please come over and take my kids to school while I loll about in a spa. Cook my dinner, help with homework and soothe my neurotic insomniac brain but spare me the details of your journey of discovery. I’m sure it’s been incredibly peaceful spending the last two years meditating in a cave in the Himalayas but I don’t want to know. If you’ve done nothing but sit in silence for hours, I’m jealous. Write a book. I might fall asleep reading it.
Astro turfed
Posted: August 15, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement, Theme Songs | Tags: astrological gurus, astrology, astrology forecasts, gurus for single mothers, Lee Marvin - Wandering Star, ruling planets, self helpless, single mother advice, single mother astrology 3 CommentsIt started with an enticing email message (complete with capital letters for emphasis) from Clairvoyant Kevin:
A time of WONDERFUL change is coming your way, we need to talk IMMEDIATELY.
To be SUCCESSFUL you must channel the POWER of the stars.
As a struggling single mother I need all the self-help I can get, so gullible me clicked on the link provided by Clairvoyant Kevin in his ‘exclusive’ email.
Kevin told me that Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Uncanny. How does this astrologer know me so well already?
Let your intuition tell you all you need to know. Harness the ENERGY of the stars.
Then
The Sextile of your ruling planet is SPECTACULAR.
Que?
So I paid for Kevin’s prediction, and the only thing that held any promise was my astrology forecast. According to Guru Kevin, the happiest period of my life had just begun. Two friends died, my car was sold to a wrecker and the bloke stopped calling me. Thanks Kev, I can’t wait to see what my bad stars bring.
Move over, there’s a new supermodel
Posted: May 17, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, cover girls over 40, dressed for success, glamorous single motherhood, Lift magazine, magazines for single mothers, Right Said Fred - I`m Too Sexy, single mom magazines, single mother delusions, single mother fashion, Super model single mothers Leave a commentDon’t let anyone tell you that you’re too old to be a supermodel. At the ripe old age of 30 something (my maths is terrible) I have at last become a cover girl. Dressed in clothes that will definitely embarrass my teenager, I am featured in the May issue of Lift magazine, a fabulous new read for single mothers and their huge band of servants, personal trainers, private chefs and stylists.
Click on the link to read my story:
Thank you Siri
Posted: May 4, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Apple products, glamorous single mother life, iPhones, mental health of single mothers, single mother dreaming, single mother fantasies, Siri, The Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb (1966) Leave a commentMy fur child jumped on my iPhone this morning, causing Siri to ask “What can I help you with?”
Well Siri this morning you can help me with my poor taste in men, my lack of style, my mangy hair and my hangover. Then you can drive my kids to school, clean my flat, shop for food, disturb the mad voices in my head while I slumber and book me a holiday. Today I’d like to write, read, swim under a waterfall, sing, dance, do a yoga class, finish my tax return, laugh, have lunch with friends, eat lobster, watch a movie, drink expensive champagne, go sailing, walk on the beach, go to Bali and still have dinner on the table early
Official Day of the Fools
Posted: April 1, 2015 Filed under: Clown Doctors, Self improvement | Tags: April Fools' Day, Clown Doctors Australia, gospel choirs, happy clappers, Humour Therapy, Laughter Medicine, Pharrell Williams Performs "Happy" on The Queen Latifah Show, singing dancing and Clown Doctoring, Smile Day, smiles for sick kids Leave a commentI’m very lucky to be a professional fool. Wherever you are in the world, I’d like you to take a silly selfie, post it online and you can help the Clown Doctors bring smiles to sick kids in hospitals across Australia. Until April 2 (yes, less than 24 hours away), for every silly selfie that you post on Instagram or Twitter (or a public post on Facebook) with the hash tag #ClowningForKids, the Commonwealth Bank will donate $10 to Clown Doctors Australia. You don’t have to use your own money. Make a funny face, post the photo, tag it and the bank pays. So simple a fool could do it.
Share this post with your friends. My day job makes me so joyful I could almost turn into a happy clapper.
What happened?
Posted: December 20, 2014 Filed under: Self improvement, Single Motherhood | Tags: #YesAllWomen on Twitter, 2014 a year in review, 2014 a year of heartbreak, births deaths no marriages, death comes to us all, glamorous single motherhood, illridewithyou, love only, Love replaced hate at Martin Place Sydney, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - 'Same Love" Grammy's 2014, Madonna, Malala Yousafzai Nobel Peace prize, Mary Lambert at the Grammys, new babies in the world, Queen Latifah, RIP dear ones, school reunions, single mothering with determination, the best of 2014, the highlights and the lowlights of 2014 10 CommentsThank God this year is nearly over. 2014 felt like a bad party that lasted all year, the kind of party where you turn up late and all the cool people left 20 minutes ago and you’re stuck with maudlin drunk people who don’t dance and only have one beer and a packet of stale crackers left. In 2013 I travelled to new places and made new friends. In 2014, the shiz got real; single mothering became the major focus of my life when my kids barely saw their other parent. These are the edited highlights of my year of slavery:
I dated different men, which became a social experiment rather than an exercise in true love
I finished the HSC (translation: VCE, O levels, graduated from high school). Well, my 17 year old daughter did but I wrote essays, made lots of food and threw some tantrums
Sports uniforms were big this year and the bills for the outfits were even bigger
My middle child completed her first year of high school without me sending her to a maximum security boarding facility for pre teens
I performed in my second solo stand up comedy show “Looking For Mike Brady” at the 2014 Fringe Comedy Festival and my darling friends turned up to laugh with me
I spent another wonderful year being a fool in hospitals in the presence of beautiful families
The Australian dream was flushed down the toilet by the worst federal government in Australian political history
2014 was a year of many tears, I lost too many treasures, “precious friends hid in death’s dateless night,” as Shakespeare put it, passed into the next world way too young. I went to 10 funerals this year. Two funerals were for my mentor and for my teacher, people who are largely responsible for my career. These were the only two funerals I attended that were for people over the age of 50. I learnt the hard way not to take beautiful young people for granted. I want to find a cure for brain cancer.
I found these words in the possessions left behind by one of my darling friends:
Walk slowly,
Water lashing at your toes,
Crane ready to take flight.
Wait for the tide to change
For many of my friends, the Year of the Horse was a year of heartbreak
And the world lost brilliant artists who made our lives happier, including Rik Mayall, Joe Cocker, Clarissa Dickson Wright, Shirley Temple, Alice Herz Sommer, Mickey Rooney, Doc Neeson, Phillip Seymour Hoffmann, Peaches Geldof, Robin Williams, Joan Rivers, Bob Hoskins, Stella Young and Dr Peter Spitzer who founded the Clown Doctors in Australia
I became an aunty again to a gorgeous girl and a fabulous boy
Two of my beautiful colleagues had babies
I travelled to Queensland to laugh and dance and cry and remember with my Clown Doctor colleagues from around the country
Malala Yousafzai accepted the Nobel Peace Prize and went straight back to her chemistry class
#YesAllWomen became the most viral feminist hashtag of all time
I went to my school reunion and reconnected with old friends who made me laugh out loud
Mary Lambert singing at the Grammys made my eyes wet in 2014
Two planes fell out of the sky breaking more hearts
Horror unfolded as the year came to a close in Sydney, Cairns and Pakistan
Sydneysiders and our visitors poured love and flowers into a memorial site in Martin Place to remember two shining stars we lost and to promote cultural tolerance. Our mission as Australians is now to replace hate with love
What a year! As Michael Clarke said at his best friend Phillip Hughes’ funeral, to honour our loved ones who have passed too early, ‘We must get through to tea, and we must play on.’
Bewdy school dropout
Posted: September 28, 2014 Filed under: FEMINISM, Self improvement | Tags: 80s youth, a face cream didn't change my life, Beauty industry, beauty myths, love the skin you're in, pretty young, products designed to make women feel inadequate, Shirley Bassey - Yesterday When I Was Young, young and pretty and stupid, youth is wasted on the young Leave a commentI used this tube of cream and suddenly my youth was activated. I put it on my face and started hunting guys with bad 80s hair, I was dancing to New Order in a fluoro tube skirt and laughing my guts up with my girlfriends late at night on street corners. Amazing result until I looked in the mirror and realised that my skin resembled an ageing goanna. Thanks Lancôme for taking me back to my younger daze, your product activated my already over-active imagination.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbv50eBhO2Q


