STEVIE WONDER and DAPHNE du MAURIER
This man is a United Nations Messenger of Peace
You’ve been dumped or you’ve dropped your ex. Divorcing the former love of your life is painful and can be costly. So you might not get over your marriage as quickly as Greg Norman but you need help to feel better right now.
It may take years to truly recover from your divorce. It does help if you get your doctor to give you a prescription. Something like:
Lou must watch the Sydney Swans train at the beach with their shirts off for at least six months until her trauma is healed.
I wear pyjamas to work every day, My dad used to say “Are you wearing that for a bet?” because I used to go the pub with my friends dressed as a nun. On Saturday nights my girlfriends would be looking glamorous to get the guy and I’d be wearing a black smock and a crucifix. Now I’m a clown I get paid to look like a fruit loop at work, so the idea of going out in public dressed in a tutu has lost its appeal. And my nine year old and her ten year old best friend tell me that while kids can dress crazy, mums are only allowed to go a little nuts in their attire. There are standards that must be upheld. Don’t want to embarrass the kidlets do we? Especially before they’re teenagers. Hopefully I’m not the only mother who is trying to be a style icon my way.
FRED ASTAIRE and SID VICIOUS
I hope they are having a joint birthday party in heaven, the music would be eclectic, but the dancing fabulous….
The best way to keep boys out of hot water is to put dishes in it.
When your kid is a bit older, say 10 or 11, write, “This is my first real birthday party” on the invitation. Coupled with a photo of your child looking forlorn, it will either spook the other parents completely so they don’t send their kid to the party (you can’t go, that child is a loser) – thus saving buckets of money on feeding and entertaining the little monsters. Or they will feel so bad for your child they will take out a second mortgage on their house to pay for a really cool present for your kid. That’s called a win-win situation.
According to Freud it’s the role of the mother to mess with the child’s psyche and I’ve been doing my share. So today I have a prayer that mothers can keep our sanity and sense of humour while parenting.
Today I got homemade craft for Mother’s Day and cards that read I love yu, you’re the bestest moummy in the hole world. Mother’s Day is well timed. Usually by May most mothers I know have had enough of child rearing thus Mother’s Day is planned so we don’t give up mothering and take the little blighters back to the pet shop.
May your day be filled with kisses.
May you go to the toilet in peace
May your day be a tantrum-free zone
And may Santa, The Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy take away the whinge-gene your children inherited from their father.
A PRAYER FOR SINGLE MOTHERS
May the dead beat dad finally give you some cash.
May your ex’s white trash girlfriend treat your kids well.
And may the Child Support Agency catch up with those who are avoiding their maintenance payments.
AMEN
EVA PERON and JANIS IAN
RUDOPLH VALENTINO and SIGMUND FREUD
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?'”
-From Sigmund Freud: Life and Work by Ernest Jones, 1953
Sigmund Freud’s views on women stirred controversy during his own lifetime and continue to evoke considerable debate today. “Women oppose change, receive passively, and add nothing of their own,” he wrote in a 1925 paper.
Cinco de Mayo
ADELE, KARL MARX and TAMMY WYNETTE
Tammy Wynette’s birthday, she was married 5 times, what an inspiration – Stand by your bloody man.
Thought for the day – “Cause after all, he’s just a man”
Famous marriages in history: 5 May 2000 – Billy Bob Thornton wed Angelina Jolie.
loupollard 