To Pollard
Posted: August 20, 2017 Filed under: LOVE, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Jack Pollard, Lou Pollard is Not Suitable For Children, Lou Pollard writer, Maintaining a Pollard, Parenting Pollard style, Pollard children, Pollard parenting plan, pollarding, pruning or Pollarding, Rejuvenating a Pollard, to Pollard 2 CommentsPollarding is a method of pruning that keeps trees and shrubs smaller than they would naturally grow. It is normally started once a tree or shrub reaches a certain height, and annual pollarding will restrict the plant to that height.
In the interests of fine single mothering, I’ve decided to Pollard my children. Minimal feeding means that my kids won’t grow too tall, thus saving on expensive sports shoes and fancy undies, and keeping school uniform costs to a minimum. My food bill will be reduced, thus Pollard will be kept in the fine style I would like to be accustomed to.
Maintaining a Pollard
The Pollard method is useful to maintain the size of a teen who is in danger of growing too big for a small, single mother budget sized apartment.
Rejuvenating a Pollard
Summer can be a suitable time to Pollard. This method requires the removal of parasites or weakly-attached branches of the family tree. So out with the toxic monster in law and deadbeat dad and in with promoting attachment to healthy adult role models. According to Dr Google, “It may be possible to remove the branches that have grown from the stumps of old Pollards.” Yes! I am well rid of my STDs, the sexually transmitted debts that kept me weighed down for too long. Bring on summer.
If you’re happy and you know it, learn to Pollard
Look how little and cute my youngest favourite child turned out.
(C) Pollard Perfect Parenting Plan 2017
Unreal Estate
Posted: September 22, 2015 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: Australian female comedians, comedy and tragedy, female stand up comics, Funny females, Lou Pollard comedy, Lou Pollard comedy shows, Lou Pollard stand up comedian, Lou Pollard writer, Sydney Fringe Comedy Festival 2015, Sydney Fringe Festival 2015, Tom Jones - Green Green Grass Of Home Leave a commentAt 8.30pm tonight I’m performing my new show A Real State at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville, for three nights only. I’m hunting for a lovely new home and an audience to match. As a professional fool I wish I had a good job to pay for a mortgage, just like the well-known real estate guru Joe Hockey. I’m currently squashed into a scenic apartment with my three children overlooking the rent.
Fresh from my four-star reviewed Sydney Comedy Festival show Looking For Mike Brady, I’m performing in a tastefully renovated new show about home hunting away from the airport flight path in Sydney’s unreal estate market. This superbly crafted story is a moving show, in a call-the-removalists-the-lease-is-up-again kind of way.
Sophisticated solo parent seeks attractive audience positioned to ensure the perfect lifestyle experience. Bring yourself and any urban hipster double income professionals to this perfectly priced fun show about one woman’s quest to find a stunning family home. You’ll laugh your guts up as I enlist the audience in my hunt for a house, and maybe a husband too.
Buy Tickets for A Real State comedy show
The Sound of Silence Book
Posted: October 7, 2011 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, LOVE, WRITERS | Tags: Book launch Melbourne, grief, Irma Gold Editor, Lou Pollard writer, miscarriage, Mostly for Mothers Publishing, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Australia, Pregnancy Loss, The Sound of Silence Book Launch Canberra, Wombat Books Leave a commentMiscarriage is not spoken about, parents often suffer in silence. Until I suffered two miscarriages I had no idea how many women I knew had endured the sadness of losing a baby as well. I wrote a story for this book which is available to buy now. If you have suffered or love someone who has suffered pregnancy loss this book may provide comfort.
Buy online at http://www.mostlyformothers.com/miscarriage.html or at your favourite bookstore.
The Sound of Silence