New Year’s resolutions

Parents don’t really need to make resolutions, we’ve already given up everything, our sanity, our sleep and secure employment. But I have decided to make a few resolutions for 2012:

1. I will give up late night drunk dialling and adding provocative comments on the Facebook pages of spunky men in the New Year. I don’t think it’s helping my dating prospects.

2. I will eat green vegetables and chocolate will not be the only food group I consume when my kids aren’t with me.

3. I will wean myself off reading star sign/astrological forecasting/personal analysis websites (mostly).

4. I will exercise daily (including chocolate eating competitions)

5. I will become a sophisticated urban professional, find a nanny for my children and secure a high-powered executive position. Will work 15-hour days armed with lots of gadgets to make me look successful and I will act terribly important while nanny feeds and clothes my babies. Nanny will rescue me from the quagmire of my life. Damn, why can’t I invent something simple in my kitchen that makes me a million bucks?

6. I will abandon all resolutions by 6th January and carry on with my usual debauchery.


Happy Christmas

This is my favourite Christmas song ever. I have Irish blood, so I love the Pogues.

“I built my dreams around you…”


I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus

I hope Santa is hot when he comes down my chimney this year. It’s a long shot, but worth wishing for. Merry Christmas. Ho, Ho, Ho


Christmas with Dean Martin

I’m dreaming of a sunny summer, but I love this song


I am an animal

A party animal?

I am a sucker for dogs, apes and seals. Actually anything cute, furry and cuddly with a sense of humour. Including Animal from the Muppets but not including my hairy ex boyfriend. Ma na ma na. I try not to discriminate, I do have a beauteous blue tongue lizard in my garden who warms my heart while she is warming her lizardy skin in the midday sun. And Frozen Planet…sigh. When I was a kid I wanted to be Doctor Dolittle, but my best friend got there first, he now works at Taronga Zoo and I now work with children, not animals.


I love my day job

Honk Your Nose if you Love Clowns


December 18 birthdays

Keith Richards and Christina Aguilera were born today. And so was my dream husband Brad Pitt. Keith is too haggard from smack, and Christina too shrill, so it’s Brad for me.

Today also marks the start of long summer school holidays. To stave off boredom while watching my children trash the house, I imagine I am a lithe sprite running down a Caribbean beach chased by Brad Pitt. In the midst of my reverie, my youngest hits me in the face with a nude Ken doll. After I threaten to send Ken and his girlfriends to the local op shop she runs away to her giggling sister. Back on the couch it is no longer a daydream, it has become my reality. Brad Pitt is still chasing me, but Jen is chasing him as Angelina aims a shotgun at all of us. Brad wants me bad. He’s only human…