Giddy Up
Posted: November 4, 2014 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Australia's richest horse race, bringing home the bacon, childhood memories, my little ponies, Rolling Stones / Wild Horses, single mother jobs, single mother slavery, The Melbourne Cup, the race that stops a nation, thoroughbred horse races, work Leave a commentHere I am on the day of the race that stops a nation, dressed in jodhpurs and a top hat, hamming it up for drunk people, most of whom don’t realise this how I earn my living (they just think I’m some kind of kooky lady), as they slam down their drinks. We humans are very strange, we tame wild creatures, then watch them going round and round a track. When I was a young warthog, I went to the races most weekends with my grandpa Aubrey, who was nuts about betting on the gee gees. He would place small bets for me and I always picked the grey horses, probably because of Gunsynd, the Goondiwindi grey, a famous racehorse from the 1970s. Now I’m getting paid to act like a goose on a horse, my grandpa would be so proud.
Creepy
Posted: October 31, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: All hallows Eve, All Saints Day, David Bowie - Scary monsters (And Super Creeps) - Live NPA 97, Day of the Dead, Dia de los Muertos, ghosts, ghouls, halloween, Halloween sugar hangover, Halloween traditions, Happy Halloween, pagan traditions, Samhain, Single mothers, spirit world 2 CommentsSome people say that Halloween is too American and shouldn’t be celebrated in Australia, but Halloween is a great day for single mothers. Our kids get spoilt with kilos of sugar and other people pay for it. On October 31, kids of single mothers are also being trained to beg in the streets. In the past week I’ve encouraged my youngest to stop brushing her hair so she’s perfected her poor urchin look.
I really wanted my teenager to have a happy costume for Halloween, so I dressed her in a white shift dress and painted a big red line down the middle of her face. Most people don’t guess that her costume is a negative pregnancy test.
Then I decided to scare my ex when he turned up to pick up the kids on Halloween evening so I’m wearing a t-shirt saying Real Men Pay Child Support.
Happy Halloween, bring on the treats.
A moment so rare
Posted: October 28, 2014 Filed under: LOVE | Tags: friendship, friendship is one of the great joys of life, fun friends, Gilbert O'Sullivan - Clair (1972), joy, karaoke partner in vocal crimes, life changing friendships, love, philanthropists, proud single mothers, single mother sanity, single mothers with attitude Leave a commentThree short years ago we were dressing up and celebrating your 40th birthday. You were the Queen of the ball that night and now you’ve already left us. And the only way I can contact you is to turn on Smooth FM and wait until a really corny tune comes on and sing my heart out like we used to do together when we were in your car or trying to outdo each other at karaoke. We miss you so, precious sunshine, funny witty friend, devoted mother. I see you when the sun lights up the evening sky across the sea and your songs come on the radio. Shine on beautiful friend, thank you for inspiring me to do good work in the world
Never smile at a crocodile
Posted: October 21, 2014 Filed under: D.I.V.O.R.C.E | Tags: cold heart, dragon ladies, kissing toads before you find the handsome prince, Never Smile at a Crocodile - Peter Pan, oedipal relationships, Reptile Awareness Day, reptiles masquerading as humans, sneaky reptiles Leave a commentApparently today is Reptile Awareness Day. I didn’t know there was a day held especially to recognise ex mother in laws and some of the toads I’ve been out with. One of the best things about divorce is shedding the asps attached to exes, it’s very ssss-satisfying when you no longer have to spend your time with ssss-snakes. Some species of reptile need to be threatened with extinction. Where are my crocodile skin shoes?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMaPTZdwjPE
Bewdy school dropout
Posted: September 28, 2014 Filed under: FEMINISM, Self improvement | Tags: 80s youth, a face cream didn't change my life, Beauty industry, beauty myths, love the skin you're in, pretty young, products designed to make women feel inadequate, Shirley Bassey - Yesterday When I Was Young, young and pretty and stupid, youth is wasted on the young Leave a commentI used this tube of cream and suddenly my youth was activated. I put it on my face and started hunting guys with bad 80s hair, I was dancing to New Order in a fluoro tube skirt and laughing my guts up with my girlfriends late at night on street corners. Amazing result until I looked in the mirror and realised that my skin resembled an ageing goanna. Thanks Lancôme for taking me back to my younger daze, your product activated my already over-active imagination.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbv50eBhO2Q
Tonight’s the night
Posted: September 24, 2014 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: 2014 Sydney Fringe Festival shows, feminist anthems, Fringe Comedy Festival Sydney 2014, funny ladies, Looking For Mike Brady Lou Pollard comedy shows, second solo show, single mother comedians, single mother comedy, stand up comedy show, Sydney female comics, Sydney Fringe Festival, Tammy Wynette-I Don't Wanna Play House 2 CommentsMy second solo stand up comedy show Looking For Mike Brady starts tonight at 9.30pm at the Factory Theatre in Marrickville for Fringe Comedy Festival and the Sydney Fringe. Come along and see me act like a goose on stage.
You can book at sydneyfringe.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXu9QDLL4Bo
Uplifting quotes for single mothers
Posted: September 20, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: cheap single mother meals, cheap single mothering, happy birthday to me, I like pie, inspirational single mothers, Lou Pollard is a motivational speaker, moving quotes, single mother proverbs, single mother self help, single mother truths, single motherhood quotes, Waylon Jennings - Mamas Don`t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys 2 CommentsI woke up the day after my birthday in a reflective mood, and I am deeply moved by the home made cards my children created on a very low budget. So very inspired that I have created some quotes that I think may help other single mothers cope with the day-to-day madness of parenting on our own.
“A single mother is a person who, seeing there are only three pieces of pie left for her and her three kids, hides the pie from the kids so she can eat it while they’re visiting their father in jail.”
“The child standing in front of the microwave gets the most baked beans.”
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to pay their mother.”
“Nothing I’ve ever done has given me as much pain and heartburn as parenting teenagers.”
“It doesn’t matter who my mother is, it matters that she doesn’t turn up at the school gate looking like a tramp.”
“Being a good mother is the most important role I’ll ever play and if I don’t do it well, my kids won’t be able to pay for my champagne when they’re older.”
I love these quotes (some of my best work), they’re so beautiful and so true. I think Louise Hay may include them in her next book.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP5irLCDB4Q


