The Emperor’s New Clothes

This week marks one year since the Australian people voted in a bunch of uninspiring pale, stale, male pollies who bow to a fiscal god and think balancing a budget is the only important quality in a politician. Maybe we needed to have this bunch of boorish, entitled white males and their lack of vision to remind us to be compassionate, to care for one another, to give the homeless, the sick, the unemployed and refugees some of our time and our kindness. We come from a land of plenty, so just maybe these greedy men have woken us up so that we remember to dream of a world we really wish to live in and start to fight for it. Or maybe they’re just a pack of spineless puppets. Come the revolution we know who will be first to the guillotine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk9C1mO-mgc


Double duty

Today is Father’s Day and I’m missing my long dead dad. Reading happy family messages on social media on a day like today is tough, especially when you’re doing double duty. I’m loving my strong male mates who are showing up and working hard and being great dads by making their children their main priority. I’m not loving the dads who show off their kids at public social functions but aren’t there for the hard graft of parenting. A part of me wishes that men in Western society would take the men who decide to be deadbeat and Disneyland dads to task. Tiger Woods can treat his wife and kids like shit but still be awarded player of the year awards. In our society it’s even easy to get away with not paying for your kids. I don’t know if it’s the role of government to chase up sperm donors who are not declaring income and crying poor then taking their new families out for dinner and getting on with a newly invented life as though the children they had first are a part of their past that they don’t need to revisit. The Child Support Agency doesn’t seem to be highly effective. I’m not advocating a return to the strict moral code of the 1950s but a few conversations along the lines of ‘mate lift your game’ and ‘real men pay child support,’ I think would help us ladies struggling with bearing the full load of child rearing. Yes we chose to have our kids, but in most cases, no we didn’t deliberately choose boys masquerading as men who have relinquished their responsibilities to their children. Real men man up.


Looking For Mike Brady

In three weeks I’m performing my second solo stand up comedy show at The Factory Theatre, and I’m hoping more than four people and a dog come to see me perform. My show is called Looking For Mike Brady. Hopefully my future husband will be an architect like Mike Brady, because architects earn enough money to support a wife, 6 kids, a live in housekeeper, holidays in Hawaii and a big house. But knowing my luck with men, my future husband will probably be sitting in the audience disguised as a happily married gay man. I’ve written some silly songs and a whole lot of new material and if I can remember all of it I think it will be a great night of laughs. You can buy tickets here: sydneyfringe.com

Bill & Boyd – Put Another Log On The Fire


Thank you Dr Montessori

Educational genius Maria Montessori was born on this day in 1870. A woman far ahead of her time, she went to medical school then began her quest to educate young minds. A single mother whose father was sceptical about her work, Montessori believed that, “The child is both a hope and a promise for mankind.” In a year when too many children have died in bloody wars started by male warmongers, her words have never felt more true: “Peace is a practical principle of human civilisation and social organisation that is based on the very nature of man. Peace does not enslave him; rather, it exalts him…. And because it is based on man’s nature, it a constant, a universal principle that applies to all human beings. This principle must be our guide in building a science of peace and educating men for peace.”


I’m sure this is legitimate

I’m so thrilled! I’ve just received an email from the lead singer of one of my favourite bands. I can’t believe Paul Weller sent me an email. I didn’t know he had a connection to The Abu Dhabi Families. Paul Weller is not usually a fan of the internet but he decided I was worth his time. This is the single mother get rich quick scheme I’ve been looking for

ABU DHABI INVESTMENT LLP
SANDERSON HOUSE STATION ROAD,
HORSFORTH, LEEDS,
LS18 5NT, UNITED KINGDOM

Good Day,

I am Paul Weller, Abu Dhabi Investment LLP; a business developer, stock broker and portfolio Manager. I went through your profile and will like to develop a business partnership with you; The Abu Dhabi Families are interested in investing seven to eight figure British currencies.

The reason why I have contacted you is because, we are specially interested to invest in your Country and after checking the world business directory, I decided to contact you, I will like to keep the details short for now. If you are interested and have a project worth investing on, kindly reply to this email. Do not forget to include your direct cell phone number and the best time to call you, in your reply. I will call you to discuss the modality and other details once I get a reply from you.

I am looking forward to your response and working with you on this Investment project.

Yours Faithfully

Paul Weller
BUSINESS DEVELOPER
ABU DHABI INVESTMENT LLP
Email: paulweller@abudhabiinvestmentllp.com


Modern families

As I am on the hunt for a brand new Mike Brady style husband, I wonder how I’ll adjust to living with Mr Stepfather and his children when they find me. I’ve been thinking about different parenting styles:

Apparently parenting in the 50s was: Wait ’til your father gets home. Then parenting in the 60s was: Go to bed or I’ll whack you on the bum. A popular 70s child rearing plan was: Go to a party, drink a lot, chuck the kids a bag of chips and a can of Fanta every few hours, end up at 3am kicking the dog into the neighbour’s pool. Wake up on the front lawn underneath the frangipani tree. Throw six sleepy kids you found on the front verandah in the back of the station wagon and give the car keys to the adult who appears most sober.

The popular parenting style in the 80s was, “Julie’s dad is not too pissed to drive, I’ll get him to pick up you and Vicky from the Blue Light Disco.” No wonder we learnt to get hammered at every opportunity.

According to social researchers parents began to spend a lot more time with their kids after 1995, so parenting in the 90s became, “Sit down and watch the Simpsons with me while I have a drink.” In the 21st century parenting has become: I share custody with her and her, so I’d better find a new childless girlfriend to help me when my kids come back from their mothers’ houses.

Dolly Parton & Tom Jones – Green Grass of Home on Dolly’s Show


Farewell Doctor Fruit-Loop

Today the Australian Clown Doctor community say farewell to our beloved leader, ever-smiling, humble, generous, warm hearted Peter Spitzer, the son of Czech Holocaust survivors who became a doctor then started The Humour Foundation charity in Australia. In 1996 I remember sitting in the gym of a sweaty police boys club in Erskineville with a handful of other fools while Peter explained what a Clown Doctor program could look like. Peter’s vision made our work a reality. Over the years I had the privilege of working with Peter at Sydney Children’s Hospital, The Children’s Hospital at Westmead and Royal North Shore Hospital, as well as sharing meals at our conferences and hours doing workshops and training where he taught us more ways to help those suffering. We were always inspired by his love for all the fabulous families we are lucky enough to meet in our hospital Clown rounds. Peter Spitzer approached all human life forms with an open heart, eager to learn their stories, connecting with everyone, young and old, whether the head of the hospital or a small kid in need of some distraction. He had the sharp mind of an eager scientist, always enthusiastically sharing his findings with us, always looking for ways to better our work.

My years as a Clown Doctor were punctuated by visits to Peter’s house after the Bowral Ball, where he worked his magic and made people laugh, while the lovely locals raised money to continue our programs. I treasure the memories of staying over at Peter’s house afterwards, and grand breakfasts with Peter and his darling wife Judy as we discussed our work and new ways to fundraise with his beautiful band of supporters. Later I was lucky enough to work with Peter on the pilot Elder Clown program, where Peter shared his passion for making life better for adults living with dementia.

Dear Doctor Fruit-Loop (see I didn’t forget the hyphen) you gave us a purpose for our work. You never grew tired of seeing the joy on a sick child’s face. You gave our performing lives so much meaning, we weren’t there to show off, we were there to empower sick children and frail elderly people. It is always about them, not us. Clown Doctoring is not a job, it is a calling, and you showed us the way. We are so sad you have left us but we vow to continue your work, we want you to be proud of us. Adios Doctor Fruit-Loop, I will think of you and the twinkle in your eyes when I carry far too many props in my coat, whenever I see a rubber chicken, or see a child’s face change from fear to laughter. I’m so glad I told you how much we all loved you the last time i saw you. I have a job and a life of meaning thanks to you. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us, you have left a magnificent legacy.

The Humour Foundation Elder Clowns

The Humour Foundation Elder Clowns


We’re not laughing at you – we’re laughing near you

When my colleagues and I tell people we are Clown Doctors people usually say, “Oh like Robin Williams in that movie? What was the name of that film?” Patch Adams, and he’s a real doctor and a funny person. Thank you Robin Williams for bringing the idea of taking humour therapy into hospitals into the mainstream.

I first fell in love with Robin Williams when he starred in Mork and Mindy. Then I saw him live at the State Theatre in Sydney in the late 80s and I couldn’t believe his talent. To be in the room with this rapid fire stand up comedy genius was incredible. Then he starred in movies.

They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – – Carpe – – hear it? – – Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

Robin Williams as John Keating in Dead Poet’s Society.

Thank you Robin Williams for sharing your gift with us, for your wonderful films and all the laughter and tears you gave us. I hope you realised how much you were loved. I’m sad that your demons became too much for you to bear. In these dark days, the world needs laughter more than ever. Nanu Nanu


Here I go again

I’m putting on another solo comedy show for Sydney Fringe Festival in September. My show is called Looking For Mike Brady and it’s all about what a hot catch I am for a wealthy architect (not really). At this time of year I usually look at my script and say to myself, ‘I hate it, it’s not funny, what a load of bollocks, what am I going to be when I grow up?’ But I’ve decided to do my show anyway because it gets me out of the house to hang out with a few friends and drink champers. Please come and see my show, it is yet another of my fabulous single mother get rich quick schemes.

Bring your best laughs to the Factory Theatre in Marrickville (the home of Fringe Comedy) for 2 nights, Wednesday September 24 and Friday September 26

fringecomedy.com.au

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcm4rwpF5cw


This goes with this or that

I seem to be the only person in the western world who doesn’t want to become a brilliant chef. Cooking is a chore. I don’t want to become a better cook, I want to find someone who’ll do it all for me. Don’t tell me about your red wine jus, your incredible sorbet or your herbed fish, serve it up for me and shut up. Meanwhile I make the same boring old dishes for my kids. I’m a monster of the mash, a demon of the Deb, a shaman of the sauce bottle, a goddess of the grilled chop, a soothsayer of stir fry, a magician with mince. The only thing I have in common with Nigella is that my ex husband tried to choke me too. Where’s a good looking chef when you need one?