Single mother Christmas wish list version 1.1
Posted: December 7, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: cheap single mother Christmas presents, Christmas dread, Christmas is over rated, Christmas wish list, I'm dreaming of skipping Christmas, My Chemical Romance - "All I Want For Christmas Is You", Santa bring me cool stuff or else, single mother Christmas wish list Leave a commentAll I want for Christmas is:
Intelligent people with vision to govern us
Sleep
A live in maid
A cure for brain cancer
Sanity
Toys that won’t be broken by Boxing Day or as they call it in children’s hospitals emergency departments ‘superhero day.’
Merry Bah Humbug festival of over spending to you and your loved ones
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Zen wisdom
Posted: November 29, 2014 Filed under: LOVE, Single Motherhood | Tags: Bob Marley - Three Little Birds (Original), funny kids, happy single mothering, I love being your mum, love, monkey children, mothering, ninja grandmas, spoilt single mothers, youngest child Leave a commentThe funnest bestest girl in the world was born 10 years ago today. This kid makes me laugh and laugh. Late one night we were catching a bus home and as we sat on the front seat she said,
“Mummy, if an old person gets on the bus we have to move. But it’s dark so all of the grandpas and the grandmas are at home except for the ninja ones. So if you see any old ladies or old mans get on the bus they’re ninjas.” At the next stop an old lady got on the bus and sat behind us.
“Mum,” she whispered, “the old lady behind us, she’s a ninja.”
“How do you know?”
“I’m a ninja.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGYAAsHT4QE
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Creepy
Posted: October 31, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: All hallows Eve, All Saints Day, David Bowie - Scary monsters (And Super Creeps) - Live NPA 97, Day of the Dead, Dia de los Muertos, ghosts, ghouls, halloween, Halloween sugar hangover, Halloween traditions, Happy Halloween, pagan traditions, Samhain, Single mothers, spirit world 2 CommentsSome people say that Halloween is too American and shouldn’t be celebrated in Australia, but Halloween is a great day for single mothers. Our kids get spoilt with kilos of sugar and other people pay for it. On October 31, kids of single mothers are also being trained to beg in the streets. In the past week I’ve encouraged my youngest to stop brushing her hair so she’s perfected her poor urchin look.
I really wanted my teenager to have a happy costume for Halloween, so I dressed her in a white shift dress and painted a big red line down the middle of her face. Most people don’t guess that her costume is a negative pregnancy test.
Then I decided to scare my ex when he turned up to pick up the kids on Halloween evening so I’m wearing a t-shirt saying Real Men Pay Child Support.
Happy Halloween, bring on the treats.
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Uplifting quotes for single mothers
Posted: September 20, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: cheap single mother meals, cheap single mothering, happy birthday to me, I like pie, inspirational single mothers, Lou Pollard is a motivational speaker, moving quotes, single mother proverbs, single mother self help, single mother truths, single motherhood quotes, Waylon Jennings - Mamas Don`t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys 2 CommentsI woke up the day after my birthday in a reflective mood, and I am deeply moved by the home made cards my children created on a very low budget. So very inspired that I have created some quotes that I think may help other single mothers cope with the day-to-day madness of parenting on our own.
“A single mother is a person who, seeing there are only three pieces of pie left for her and her three kids, hides the pie from the kids so she can eat it while they’re visiting their father in jail.”
“The child standing in front of the microwave gets the most baked beans.”
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to pay their mother.”
“Nothing I’ve ever done has given me as much pain and heartburn as parenting teenagers.”
“It doesn’t matter who my mother is, it matters that she doesn’t turn up at the school gate looking like a tramp.”
“Being a good mother is the most important role I’ll ever play and if I don’t do it well, my kids won’t be able to pay for my champagne when they’re older.”
I love these quotes (some of my best work), they’re so beautiful and so true. I think Louise Hay may include them in her next book.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP5irLCDB4Q
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Double duty
Posted: September 7, 2014 Filed under: FEMINISM, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: casual fathering, Child Support Agency Australia, child support agency failings, deadbeat dads, disneyland dads, Father's Day, fathering when he feels like it, happy families, Julie London - Daddy, man up, mental health of single mothers, real men pay child support, responsible parenting, single mother sanity savers, single mother struggles, single mother truths, single mothering 2 CommentsToday is Father’s Day and I’m missing my long dead dad. Reading happy family messages on social media on a day like today is tough, especially when you’re doing double duty. I’m loving my strong male mates who are showing up and working hard and being great dads by making their children their main priority. I’m not loving the dads who show off their kids at public social functions but aren’t there for the hard graft of parenting. A part of me wishes that men in Western society would take the men who decide to be deadbeat and Disneyland dads to task. Tiger Woods can treat his wife and kids like shit but still be awarded player of the year awards. In our society it’s even easy to get away with not paying for your kids. I don’t know if it’s the role of government to chase up sperm donors who are not declaring income and crying poor then taking their new families out for dinner and getting on with a newly invented life as though the children they had first are a part of their past that they don’t need to revisit. The Child Support Agency doesn’t seem to be highly effective. I’m not advocating a return to the strict moral code of the 1950s but a few conversations along the lines of ‘mate lift your game’ and ‘real men pay child support,’ I think would help us ladies struggling with bearing the full load of child rearing. Yes we chose to have our kids, but in most cases, no we didn’t deliberately choose boys masquerading as men who have relinquished their responsibilities to their children. Real men man up.
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This goes with this or that
Posted: July 30, 2014 Filed under: FOOD, Single Motherhood | Tags: cheap single mother meals, cheap single mothering, culinary negligence, I don't wanna be a Masterchef, I love Nigella, I love to eat I don't love to cook, single mother chef, single mother cuisine, single mother lack of cooking, The Muppet Show The Swedish Chef - Banana Split Leave a commentI seem to be the only person in the western world who doesn’t want to become a brilliant chef. Cooking is a chore. I don’t want to become a better cook, I want to find someone who’ll do it all for me. Don’t tell me about your red wine jus, your incredible sorbet or your herbed fish, serve it up for me and shut up. Meanwhile I make the same boring old dishes for my kids. I’m a monster of the mash, a demon of the Deb, a shaman of the sauce bottle, a goddess of the grilled chop, a soothsayer of stir fry, a magician with mince. The only thing I have in common with Nigella is that my ex husband tried to choke me too. Where’s a good looking chef when you need one?
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A plea for help
Posted: July 3, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: children are expensive, hacked and sent spam, love is like candy, love me some spam, single mother bills, single mother expenses, single mother has to pay the rent somehow, single mother travel, spam mail got me thinking, the very best in life is free, Tom Jones - Help Yourself (1969) Leave a commentI’m writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down to Manila, Philippines for a short vacation. Unfortunately,I was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed, all cash and credit card were stolen off me but luckily for me I still have passport with me.
I’ve been to the the police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my return flight leaves in few hours from now but I’m having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until I settle the bills. Well I really need your financial assistance.
Please let me know if you can help me out?
I’m freaked out at the moment
This came to me as spam when my friend’s email account was hacked, but I’m wondering with a little edit how you think my landlord will respond?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvHkWl8HfrI
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Parenting Failures
Posted: June 20, 2014 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, bad mothering, bad parenting, Johnny Cash - I Won't Back Down, parenting fails, single mother fantasies, single mothering with determination, talent schools should be outlawed, Wisdom for single mothers, you know you're a bad mother if your kids... 6 CommentsCall me judgemental (go on, I love it), but I am trying to raise my children to be able to function in society when they are adults. To be reasonably polite and kind and treat other people well, be they garbos or barristers, I believe you have failed as a parent if your kids:
Are enrolled in a ‘talent’ school. Go for it kids, learn singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, line dancing (maybe) whatever, but please don’t let children near anyone who claims to be able to teach your kids how to become famous
Cannot say please and thank you
Can’t look another human being in the eye when having an intelligent conversation
Listen to Justin Bieber beyond the age of 9
Use ‘verse’ as a verb
Believe that going to a shopping mall is a ‘can’t live without’ life experience
Feel the need to upload their entire life on Tumblr
Are still living at home beyond the age of 25
Think that ‘director of beauty’ is a job description
Know how to operate a firearm under the age of 10
Dear readers feel free to add to this list
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Totes awks single mother moments
Posted: June 13, 2014 Filed under: Raising Hell, Single Motherhood | Tags: Buck Owens & His Buckaroos - Act Naturally [Live] - 1966, proud single mothers, shining single mothers, single mother ethical dilemmas, single mother role models, single mothers with attitude, Too much information Leave a commentMy eight year old’s teacher asked her where she would like to go on a class excursion. My daughter replied, “Dan Murphy’s*, that’s where Mummy would like to go.”
I was planning my 16 year old’s birthday party. She said, “Mum I don’t want any drugs at my party.” She could tell I was very disappointed, I didn’t know how to tell my friends they can’t come to her party.
I went to pick up my youngest child from a craft workshop. The teacher said, “We worked with coloured paper this afternoon and your daughter coloured in a piece of white paper with a bright green texta, cut it up into little pieces, put it in a bowl, then rolled the pieces into a long tube of white paper and pretended to smoke it. Where did she learn to do that?”
Later that night she said to me, “What’s a ghetto Mama?” Before I had a chance to answer she said, “Is a ghetto somewhere mamas go when dads have hurt their babies?”
*A well known bottle shop/off license chain in Australia
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Single Mother Bucket List
Posted: June 6, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, bucket list for single mothers, get me a bucket, happy single mothering, just happy, more than a bucketful, Shirley Bassey "This Is My Life", single mother bucket list, single mother delusions, single mother dreams, single mother truths, single mothering with attitude Leave a commentFinding a single 97 year old billionaire outside a Las Vegas wedding chapel
Enough grocery money for cask wine, Prozac, Phenergan and two minute noodles
Finishing a sentence without being interrupted by a child
Stripping without anyone grimacing
A full bucket of French champagne bottles
Doing a poo in peace
Getting ex to pay for kids
Drafting legislation to outlaw the word ‘panties’
Having a holiday that doesn’t involve child friendly parks
A bucket full of money
Children shoplifting without getting caught
Lying on a beach for 2 weeks while servants cater to every whim
Silence
Smiling because I’m not worrying about bills I can’t pay
Outlawing bucket lists
loupollard 