Dear Santa
Posted: December 24, 2016 Filed under: LOVE, Thought For the Day | Tags: care, Channukah, Christmas Eve, goodwill, John Lennon, joy to the world, Letter to Santa, love, please, Santa Claus, Santa wishes, single mother wish list, so this is Christmas, special events 4 CommentsG’day. Here’s my last minute Christmas list for you. I’ve been very busy this year, so as I haven’t really had time to be naughty I think I’m in with a chance of getting a few of these items. So this Christmas I wish you could:
- Please send really sick kids home from children’s hospitals with good health
- Please give their parents a restful break
- Please find homes for homeless people, especially those battling snow and bitter winds
- Please change the gun laws in the US
- Please outlaw the over-supply of greedy real estate agents who profit from people’s basic need for housing
- Please give the tectonic plates a rest for a while
- Please kick out politicians who put their own personal profits ahead of the health, harmony, safety and education of the nation they pretend to be serving
- Please send French champagne and chocolates to my loved ones while I have a lie down
- Please keep an eye on my eldest as she adventures through the wilds of South America
- Please tell whoever is in charge of choosing who dies (I don’t know where they are, maybe in the office next to yours at the North Pole?) not to take any more of our fabulous artists. Can this entity please choose despots, thugs and so-called success coaches in 2017 instead?
I’m trying not to be greedy but some peace, love, joy, giggles, goodwill, gratitude, patience, kisses, health, harmony, dark chocolate, extra light for Channukah, belly laughter, hugs, respect and no new Mariah Carey singles for a while would be ace too
Thanks mate, I’ve got beer waiting for you as long as your reindeer poo out the back of my garden
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Top of the morning
Posted: March 17, 2016 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Irish ancestors, Irish blood, limericks, limericks for single mothers, Luck of the Irish, Paddy's Day, Shane MacGowan singing, single mothers in Ireland, St Paddy's day parade, St patrick's Day, The Dubliners ft. The Pogues - The Irish Rover (Live, TOTP 1987) 2 CommentsI’ve written a limerick in honour of my Irish relatives on St Paddy’s Day. Throughout history single mothers have always been popular in Ireland.
There once was a mother who knew
That children ate more when they grew
So she stopped feeding dinner
Her children grew thinner
and she had more money for shoes
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Kiss A Ginger Day
Posted: January 12, 2016 Filed under: LOVE, Thought For the Day | Tags: CAROL BURNETT, carrot tops, Days of the year, Ed Sheeran - Photograph, famous redheads, flame red hair, January 12 celebrations, Kiss A Ginger Day, Lucille Ball, Nicole Kidman Australian princess, orange crayons, red hair, redheads, sending love to redheads 2 CommentsIn opposition to “Kick a Ginger Day” Derek Forgie created “Kiss A Ginger Day,” celebrated on the 12th of January every year.
Famous ginger tops include Carol Burnett, Vincent Van Gogh, Susan Sarandon, Tim Minchin, Ginger Spice, Australian princess Our Knickers, Shirley Maclaine, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Lucille Ball, Prince Harry and Ed Sheeran whose music is a bit cheesy but I still like him.
Celebrate Kiss a Ginger Day by smooching your favourite redhead, and mark January 12 on your calendar because it is far better to spread love than hate. I’ve always loved the orange crayons.
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Happy New Year I Think
Posted: January 6, 2016 Filed under: Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: 2015 year in review, 2016 a year of hope, EARTHA KITT - 1952 - Monotonous, New Year resolutions fail, New Year's resolutions will be televised, school holiday fun, single mother celebrations, single mother New Year's resolutions, single mother triumphs, turning over a new leaf 4 CommentsWeek one of my New Year’s Resolutions. So far I’m winning.
Christmas hamper bickies and choccies have enabled my kids to have delicious healthy breakfasts throughout the school holidays with all the major food groups: fat, salt, sugar and preservatives
Christmas wrapping paper carpeting the floor hides all the stains
I embarrassed my children a lot more in 2015 than I did in any other year, I’m hoping to top that in 2016, especially with my fashion choices
My children will learn the meaning of housework
None of them have been to hospital yet
Pieces of craft line the house
Can’t wait until my maid arrives after I’ve won the lottery
For the second year running I will give up washing my teenagers’ clothes, the smell is worth it
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Happy low budget Christmas
Posted: December 18, 2015 Filed under: Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: Christmas Songs, Christmas songs with piss and vinegar, Happy Christmas, RIP Kirsty MacColl, single mother Christmas traditions, single mother holiday traditions, single mother low budget Christmas, so this is Christmas, The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York live Leave a commentSingle mother Santa wish list
Peace in my house
No Reindeer poo to clean up in my garden
Santa changes all the light bulbs, mops, dusts, vacuums and repairs the leaky washing machine before he leaves
And my kids and I sing my favourite Christmas song
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RU OK?
Posted: September 10, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: ask your friends and neighbours RU OK?, Gavin Larkin, Gavin Larkin legacy, Lifeline Australia, National RU OK day, RU OK day Australia 2015, start a conversation, suicide prevention 2 CommentsToday is National RU OK? day. Please check on your friends, family, neighbours and loved ones and ask them: Are you OK? We are so busy and so disconnected but together we can prevent suicide. If you know someone who lives on their own, a smile and a chat could be what they need. I have rung Lifeline in my darkest hour and the woman who answered the phone was brilliant. May the legacy of Gavin Larkin live on and spread across the world.
If you need help call Lifeline in Australia: 131144
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You know you’re a single mother on Boxing Day when
Posted: December 26, 2014 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: all I want for Christmas is a lie down, Boxing Day, cheap single mother Christmas presents, Christmas hangovers, christmas is so yesterday, festive season madness, happy single mothering, it's beginning to look a lot like debauchery, last Christmas I gave you some bargains, lazy single mothering, Monty Python - Christmas In Heaven, Mummy kissing Santa Claus, single mother bargains, Single mother bludging, single mother celebrations 2 CommentsYou let your kids watch cute cats doing stupid stuff on the internet all day
You open a beer at 9.30am
You can’t see the living room floor and the presents were opened nearly 2 days ago
You think left over, dried out potato salad is all kids need to eat all day
The sun is shining but the couch and TV have reserved a place for your fat bum
The brandy custard in the fridge has your name and ‘do not touch or I will send you to boarding school’ written on the label
Your drunk redneck neighbours call your name and you think climbing over their fence for a drink at 10pm is a wise decision
Your youngest child complains about a stomach ache and you pour her a shandy
You steal your children’s Christmas presents so you can regift to the neighbours’ kids because you forgot to buy them anything
Your children are still eating Christmas candy canes at 8.30pm
You let your kids play with sparklers unsupervised in the street so you can watch endless hours of cats doing mindless funny stuff on the net
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Santa’s checking his list
Posted: December 24, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: Bing Crosby Christmas songs, Christmas cheer, Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby Christmas Special 1957, happy single mothering, Merry Christmas, no Christmas beer, presents for single mothers, sanity clause, Santa Claus is coming to town lyrics, Santa has two lists and I'm on the wrong one, Santa knows and sees all, single mother celebrations, single mother delusions, who is naughty, who is nice 4 Commentsand I’m checking my single mama Christmas list. Mine looks a bit different to Santa’s version:
Last minute, hope this will do presents for my kids – tick
Chocolates bought at service station for relatives – tick
Happy face on when kids buy you same cheap present as last year – tick
Fight with siblings – tick
Feeling abnormal – tick
Dysfunctional family – tick
Underwhelmed by lack of French champagne and luxury goods – tick
Forgot my own present – tick
Can’t drink alcohol because I’m driving all over town – tick
Smile for my mother even though I really hate eating ham – tick
Not feeling very relaxed because I’m holding the fort – tick
Dream bubble above my head of me with a hottie on a Caribbean beach instead of being stuck in a hot house – tick
Sending cards to all the family and friends I forgot about on Boxing Day – tick
What’s on your Christmas wish list?
Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby Christmas Special 1957
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Giddy Up
Posted: November 4, 2014 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Australia's richest horse race, bringing home the bacon, childhood memories, my little ponies, Rolling Stones / Wild Horses, single mother jobs, single mother slavery, The Melbourne Cup, the race that stops a nation, thoroughbred horse races, work Leave a commentHere I am on the day of the race that stops a nation, dressed in jodhpurs and a top hat, hamming it up for drunk people, most of whom don’t realise this how I earn my living (they just think I’m some kind of kooky lady), as they slam down their drinks. We humans are very strange, we tame wild creatures, then watch them going round and round a track. When I was a young warthog, I went to the races most weekends with my grandpa Aubrey, who was nuts about betting on the gee gees. He would place small bets for me and I always picked the grey horses, probably because of Gunsynd, the Goondiwindi grey, a famous racehorse from the 1970s. Now I’m getting paid to act like a goose on a horse, my grandpa would be so proud.
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Creepy
Posted: October 31, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: All hallows Eve, All Saints Day, David Bowie - Scary monsters (And Super Creeps) - Live NPA 97, Day of the Dead, Dia de los Muertos, ghosts, ghouls, halloween, Halloween sugar hangover, Halloween traditions, Happy Halloween, pagan traditions, Samhain, Single mothers, spirit world 2 CommentsSome people say that Halloween is too American and shouldn’t be celebrated in Australia, but Halloween is a great day for single mothers. Our kids get spoilt with kilos of sugar and other people pay for it. On October 31, kids of single mothers are also being trained to beg in the streets. In the past week I’ve encouraged my youngest to stop brushing her hair so she’s perfected her poor urchin look.
I really wanted my teenager to have a happy costume for Halloween, so I dressed her in a white shift dress and painted a big red line down the middle of her face. Most people don’t guess that her costume is a negative pregnancy test.
Then I decided to scare my ex when he turned up to pick up the kids on Halloween evening so I’m wearing a t-shirt saying Real Men Pay Child Support.
Happy Halloween, bring on the treats.
loupollard 