This goes with this or that

I seem to be the only person in the western world who doesn’t want to become a brilliant chef. Cooking is a chore. I don’t want to become a better cook, I want to find someone who’ll do it all for me. Don’t tell me about your red wine jus, your incredible sorbet or your herbed fish, serve it up for me and shut up. Meanwhile I make the same boring old dishes for my kids. I’m a monster of the mash, a demon of the Deb, a shaman of the sauce bottle, a goddess of the grilled chop, a soothsayer of stir fry, a magician with mince. The only thing I have in common with Nigella is that my ex husband tried to choke me too. Where’s a good looking chef when you need one?


Man overboard

On Wednesday September 24 and Friday September 26 I’m performing my new stand up comedy show Looking For Mike Brady at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville as part of the 2014 Sydney Fringe Festival. I’m hoping my huge number of fans will bring a car load of eligible males to each show so I can pick a new husband. Third time lucky. Don’t be shy fellas.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Very soon, perhaps next week, you can book tickets here: http://www.sydneyfringe.com


I know you had to go but…

I had so many questions to ask you. When you think you’ve got all the time in the world with someone you probably don’t.

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Thank you for your smile

Goodbye our sunny, lovely friend. Some people are sent into our lives to remind us to smile, give our love freely and take pleasure in the simple things. Thank you for the joy and the sunshine you brought us, we will miss your beautiful face


Aiming for my personal best

One month from today on Sunday August 10 I will be walking 14 kilometres from the city of Sydney to Bondi beach in my best Calvin Clown tracksuit to raise money for Clown Doctors Australia. The Clown Doctors treat sick children in hospital with smiles, fun and laughter when they need it most. We touch the lives of over 155,000 people a year, and ‘operate’ in partnership with 21 hospitals around Australia. The entire hospital community benefits – patients, family and staff. The Humour Foundation provides this service free of charge to hospitals. The work of the Clown Doctors is extremely important and the healing power of humour has been recognised in many studies. Everyone knows that “Laughter is the best medicine,” and research has found physiological and psychological benefits to patients. The outcome of making a child smile at a very difficult time is instant, but one that can have a long lasting effect for both the child and their family. Having an intervention which is able to provide humour and improve health can often be a strong coping technique for a sick kid. I love my job and I love talking and walking so I’d better start bulking up on my carbs (do donuts count?), I need to be ‘match fit’ in one month.

You can donate here: https://city2surf2014.everydayhero.com/au/drquack


A plea for help

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down to Manila, Philippines for a short vacation. Unfortunately,I was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed, all cash and credit card were stolen off me but luckily for me I still have passport with me.

I’ve been to the the police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my return flight leaves in few hours from now but I’m having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until I settle the bills. Well I really need your financial assistance.

Please let me know if you can help me out?

I’m freaked out at the moment

This came to me as spam when my friend’s email account was hacked, but I’m wondering with a little edit how you think my landlord will respond?