Man overboard
Posted: July 23, 2014 Filed under: COMEDY, Self improvement | Tags: 2014 Sydney Fringe Festival shows, Australian female comedians, Deborah Conway songs, Do Re Mi, female stand up comics, Looking For Mike Brady, Lou Pollard comedy, Lou Pollard is Looking For Mike Brady, Lou Pollard stand up comedian, love and marriage, Man Overboard, Marriage, picking a winner, stand up comedy, Sydney Fringe Festival shows 4 CommentsOn Wednesday September 24 and Friday September 26 I’m performing my new stand up comedy show Looking For Mike Brady at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville as part of the 2014 Sydney Fringe Festival. I’m hoping my huge number of fans will bring a car load of eligible males to each show so I can pick a new husband. Third time lucky. Don’t be shy fellas.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Very soon, perhaps next week, you can book tickets here: http://www.sydneyfringe.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSpn9dEXVc
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I know you had to go but…
Posted: July 16, 2014 Filed under: ART | Tags: a gift, Aboriginal artists, aboriginal culture, Australian artists, Dobie Gray - Drift Away, Fabulous female artists, favourite grandmothers, Favourite mother in laws, feminist, feminist role model, friend, generous friends, gratitude, Happy birthday Pam, mother, sister Leave a commentI had so many questions to ask you. When you think you’ve got all the time in the world with someone you probably don’t.
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Thank you for your smile
Posted: July 14, 2014 Filed under: LOVE | Tags: another angel, Barbra Streisand - The Way We Were (1975), friendship, fuck you cancer, fun, gone too soon, gratitude, it's the laughter we will remember, joy, Laughter, memories, old friends, school days Leave a commentGoodbye our sunny, lovely friend. Some people are sent into our lives to remind us to smile, give our love freely and take pleasure in the simple things. Thank you for the joy and the sunshine you brought us, we will miss your beautiful face
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-KPGh3wysw
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Aiming for my personal best
Posted: July 10, 2014 Filed under: Clown Doctors, COMEDY, exercise | Tags: charity and community work, charity fundraising, City to Surf 2014, Clown Doctors Australia, Clown Doctors on Guide To The Good LIfe, fundraising for a good cause, giving back, gratitude, Humour Therapy, The Humour Foundation Leave a commentOne month from today on Sunday August 10 I will be walking 14 kilometres from the city of Sydney to Bondi beach in my best Calvin Clown tracksuit to raise money for Clown Doctors Australia. The Clown Doctors treat sick children in hospital with smiles, fun and laughter when they need it most. We touch the lives of over 155,000 people a year, and ‘operate’ in partnership with 21 hospitals around Australia. The entire hospital community benefits – patients, family and staff. The Humour Foundation provides this service free of charge to hospitals. The work of the Clown Doctors is extremely important and the healing power of humour has been recognised in many studies. Everyone knows that “Laughter is the best medicine,” and research has found physiological and psychological benefits to patients. The outcome of making a child smile at a very difficult time is instant, but one that can have a long lasting effect for both the child and their family. Having an intervention which is able to provide humour and improve health can often be a strong coping technique for a sick kid. I love my job and I love talking and walking so I’d better start bulking up on my carbs (do donuts count?), I need to be ‘match fit’ in one month.
You can donate here: https://city2surf2014.everydayhero.com/au/drquack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmknXOpuhfE
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A plea for help
Posted: July 3, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: children are expensive, hacked and sent spam, love is like candy, love me some spam, single mother bills, single mother expenses, single mother has to pay the rent somehow, single mother travel, spam mail got me thinking, the very best in life is free, Tom Jones - Help Yourself (1969) Leave a commentI’m writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down to Manila, Philippines for a short vacation. Unfortunately,I was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed, all cash and credit card were stolen off me but luckily for me I still have passport with me.
I’ve been to the the police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my return flight leaves in few hours from now but I’m having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until I settle the bills. Well I really need your financial assistance.
Please let me know if you can help me out?
I’m freaked out at the moment
This came to me as spam when my friend’s email account was hacked, but I’m wondering with a little edit how you think my landlord will respond?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvHkWl8HfrI
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Going to the zoo
Posted: June 27, 2014 Filed under: COMEDY, exercise | Tags: Circus Solarus costumes, crazy costumes, crazy jobs, Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Mint Juleps "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", mamas going to the zoo, performing at Taronga Zoo Sydney, performing tales, single mother has to pay the rent somehow, single mother jobs, single mothers do anything to pay the rent, Stilt walking, stilt walking adventures 2 CommentsOut of hundreds if not a thousand stilt walking gigs in crazy costumes my favourite venue would have to be Taronga Zoo in Sydney. Not because of the humans cackling at our costumes but because of the reactions of the animals. One night, with another performer, I was dressed as a floaty fairy with giant wings (2-3 metre span) whilst on three foot stilts. We wandered from the dressing room down to where a corporate cocktail party was being held overlooking Sydney Harbour at the bird flight show amphitheatre. We mingled amongst the suited guests for about 15 minutes, then the organisers announced that the bird show would start soon. As we spun around in our costumes a bird keeper approached us.
“You guys have to leave now! We can’t get the birds to come out to put on a show with you two around. The owl is terrified, she thinks you’re gigantic birds of prey.” So we walked away from the function as the sun set over the zoo, and as we made our way back to our dressing room we passed the lower part of the zebra and giraffe enclosure. Realising what a rare opportunity this was to observe the African animals at dusk with no crowds around as they ate, I turned to look at the animals. I saw a bongo frozen in terror at the sight of us. I will never forget the look of fear on the animal’s face as he gaped at us, open mouthed. His look said, “WTF is that?” Then I noticed that the giraffes and the zebra had all stopped eating, they were all staring at us with eyes as big as saucers, the expression on all their faces said, “Is that something that is going to eat me?” We walked away as fast as we could, not wanting to completely freak out these beautiful members of the animal kingdom.
The following year we were invited back for the opening of the newly built zoo entrance, with VIPs and politicians in attendance. This time we were dressed in different animal costumes. I was dressed as an emu on stilts and we mingled amongst the kids and families lined up to go in. I looked up as a keeper in khaki shorts approached us. “You guys will have to go. Mika the seal can’t shake the hand of the premier until the weirdo stilt walkers move away. Her keeper can’t get her to come out.”
There is an old Creole saying: The goat that climbs up the rocks must climb down again.
Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Mint Juleps – “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
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Parenting Failures
Posted: June 20, 2014 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, bad mothering, bad parenting, Johnny Cash - I Won't Back Down, parenting fails, single mother fantasies, single mothering with determination, talent schools should be outlawed, Wisdom for single mothers, you know you're a bad mother if your kids... 6 CommentsCall me judgemental (go on, I love it), but I am trying to raise my children to be able to function in society when they are adults. To be reasonably polite and kind and treat other people well, be they garbos or barristers, I believe you have failed as a parent if your kids:
Are enrolled in a ‘talent’ school. Go for it kids, learn singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, line dancing (maybe) whatever, but please don’t let children near anyone who claims to be able to teach your kids how to become famous
Cannot say please and thank you
Can’t look another human being in the eye when having an intelligent conversation
Listen to Justin Bieber beyond the age of 9
Use ‘verse’ as a verb
Believe that going to a shopping mall is a ‘can’t live without’ life experience
Feel the need to upload their entire life on Tumblr
Are still living at home beyond the age of 25
Think that ‘director of beauty’ is a job description
Know how to operate a firearm under the age of 10
Dear readers feel free to add to this list
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Totes awks single mother moments
Posted: June 13, 2014 Filed under: Raising Hell, Single Motherhood | Tags: Buck Owens & His Buckaroos - Act Naturally [Live] - 1966, proud single mothers, shining single mothers, single mother ethical dilemmas, single mother role models, single mothers with attitude, Too much information Leave a commentMy eight year old’s teacher asked her where she would like to go on a class excursion. My daughter replied, “Dan Murphy’s*, that’s where Mummy would like to go.”
I was planning my 16 year old’s birthday party. She said, “Mum I don’t want any drugs at my party.” She could tell I was very disappointed, I didn’t know how to tell my friends they can’t come to her party.
I went to pick up my youngest child from a craft workshop. The teacher said, “We worked with coloured paper this afternoon and your daughter coloured in a piece of white paper with a bright green texta, cut it up into little pieces, put it in a bowl, then rolled the pieces into a long tube of white paper and pretended to smoke it. Where did she learn to do that?”
Later that night she said to me, “What’s a ghetto Mama?” Before I had a chance to answer she said, “Is a ghetto somewhere mamas go when dads have hurt their babies?”
*A well known bottle shop/off license chain in Australia
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Hey kids
Posted: June 10, 2014 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: 80s TV shows - The Young Ones, a comedy prince, Blackadder, Bottom, British comedy legends, Cliff Richard & Comic Relief The Young Ones Living Doll 1986, comedy genius, comic writers, Drop Dead Fred, gone too soon, Rik Mayall brilliant comedian and writer, RIP RIk Mayall, thank you for the laughter Leave a commentIn 1983 I watched the Young Ones on TV with a group of friends and when one of our mates said, “This isn’t funny,” I looked at her like she was an alien with two heads. In my world of uptight rules and private school uniforms watching Rik and Vyv helped me find my tribe. Mr Mayall you were too young to go, you will be so missed, thank you for providing the laughs and the anarchy and your glorious comic stupidity to my youth. You were a brilliant comedian and writer and an inspiration to me. Hope you and Mel Smith are laughing like drains in the afterlife.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FCRVR4YHzg
We haven’t told our parents what time we’ll be back
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Single Mother Bucket List
Posted: June 6, 2014 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, bucket list for single mothers, get me a bucket, happy single mothering, just happy, more than a bucketful, Shirley Bassey "This Is My Life", single mother bucket list, single mother delusions, single mother dreams, single mother truths, single mothering with attitude Leave a commentFinding a single 97 year old billionaire outside a Las Vegas wedding chapel
Enough grocery money for cask wine, Prozac, Phenergan and two minute noodles
Finishing a sentence without being interrupted by a child
Stripping without anyone grimacing
A full bucket of French champagne bottles
Doing a poo in peace
Getting ex to pay for kids
Drafting legislation to outlaw the word ‘panties’
Having a holiday that doesn’t involve child friendly parks
A bucket full of money
Children shoplifting without getting caught
Lying on a beach for 2 weeks while servants cater to every whim
Silence
Smiling because I’m not worrying about bills I can’t pay
Outlawing bucket lists
loupollard 