Happy Single Mother’s Day
Posted: May 8, 2016 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: budget 2016, fiscally challenged, love, money management, MOTHER'S DAY, mothering, Mothering Sunday, paying the bills, Simply Red - Money's Too Tight (To Mention), Single mother financial stress, Single mothers, single mothers have vast reserves of wealth, superannuation gap for women Leave a commentDear money management expert
Thanks for contacting me on the weekend, especially on the eve of Mother’s Day, so kind of you to point out how little superannuation I have in my account. I know I’ve told you many times that I’d chat to you about investing my massive amounts of leftover money, but my kids like to eat and I really like paying my bills. I am working, I mean just take a look at my CV:
I’ve done infomercials for washing machines
I’ve got a draw full of great articles featuring me from really (well, they were once) prestigious newspapers, I’ve actually been in the papers since I was 18 months old
In 1999, the Sydney Morning Herald said I was an upcoming new comic
I made the choice to work in the arts not in finance, but it’s OK, Joe Foot In Mouth Hockey convinced me to get a good job, instead of working in lowly positions in the artistic world. And big Mal Turnbull has made me realise I should just ask my mother to buy me a house, so my money problems are solved.
Happy Mother’s Day to all financially challenged single mothers
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Delusions
Posted: May 1, 2016 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, dead beat dads, deluded parents, hands off the wheel, NFI, no clue, Pulp - A Little Soul, remote parenting, single mother delusions, single mother problems Leave a commentDeluded Parenting Syndrome also known as DPS, can strike males and females. DPS occurs when a parent believes they’ve done more parenting than they actually have.
DPS symptoms include:
Remote parenting via text message
Chatting up your teenage daughter’s friends
Borrowing your children’s clothes to wear
Bringing home every boyfriend or girlfriend for your kids to meet
Turning up for school events your child is involved in and staying for 5 minutes
Telling your child you’ll teach them how to play guitar, fly a kite or build a cubby but never actually getting around to it
Telling your child all about your sexual partners thinking you’re teaching them sex education. Eww.
DPS – keeping therapists in business since Jung was a boy
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Papa
Posted: September 6, 2015 Filed under: Parenting | Tags: dad jokes are the best, daddy's little girl, Father's Day, fathering, fathers who show up, great dads, Happy Father's Day, in praise of great dads, kids need good dads, miss my dad, Papa was a Rolling stone (Long version) / Soul train line dance 4 CommentsI miss my dad every day so today I’ll go out of my way to avoid anyone celebrating with their fathers. My dad was cheeky, funny, lived life large, worked too hard and loved us fiercely. He didn’t have a father so he had a crash course in learning how to be a dad when my eldest brother was born. My dad had a great range of dad jokes, particularly about my fashion choices.
“You wearing that for a bet?” he’d say.
Thank you for your humour, your courage, your encouragement to read great books, your excesses, your fun and the twinkle in your eye. Love you my gorgeous Dad. I hope you’re not resting in peace, I hope you’re blazing a trail across the sky leaving all the stars in your wake.
Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads.
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Single Mother Handy Hints for the School Holidays
Posted: June 28, 2015 Filed under: FOOD, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, cheap single mother holidays, just one day out of life, Madonna - Holiday, mental health of single mothers, single mother cuisine, single mothering by text, single mothers need a holiday, winter school holidays Leave a commentSuggested school holiday menu:
1. Take it or leave it
2. Any food item that can be left in the oven and baked within an inch of its life is worth feeding to a child
3. Now is a good time for your kids to learn to cook
4. Like it or lump it
5. Tell your kids your family has been invited to appear on a reality TV show and vote yourself out of the kitchen. Run
6. Vegemite sandwiches are fashionable this week on Instagram
Suggested body armour to protect mothers from harm during long winter school holidays:
Helmet
Kneepads
Medication
Nanny
Eye Candy
Au pair
Shin pads
Babysitter
Chardonnay/Shiraz therapy
Pyjamas look great at 4 o’clock in the afternoon
Wear a onesie or matching tracksuit if you have teenagers, they’ll leave you alone in public
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The fortysomething parents are not alright
Posted: June 13, 2015 Filed under: Parenting, Parents | Tags: 40 something parents, ageing parents, Gen X financial crisis, generation X, mothering in our 40s, parenting, Quartz articles, small children and big debts Leave a commentGen X are overwhelmed, no wonder the divorce rate is so high
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Seven styles of single mothering
Posted: April 15, 2015 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, parenting tips from an expert, single mother inspiration, single mother role models, single mother self help, Single motherhood, single mothers with attitude, single parenting advice, styles of parenting, The Rolling Stones - Live 1966 - 19Th NERVOUS BREAKDOWN Leave a commentThere are so many parenting books telling us confused time-poor parents how to raise our rugrats that mothers like me get lost in the blur of DIY parenting manuals. As a shortcut, here’s a few parenting strategies I’ve picked up in my 18 year journey through smotherhood:
Bribery
Coercion
Sarcasm
Sycophantic soft soaping
Hovercraft parenting
Bubble wrap parenting
Freestyle/slacker parenting
Single mothers take a portion of each one and back off. If we don’t let our children raise themselves we will end up mummy-fied
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Step on a crack, break your mother’s back
Posted: March 13, 2015 Filed under: FEMINISM, Parenting, Raising Hell, Single Motherhood | Tags: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk, Advice for single mothers, bad luck, black cats, breaking mirrors, Daft Punk - Get Lucky ft. Pharrell Williams First Live Performance HD @ HTC live, Friday the 13th, lucky, lucky mothers, single mother ethical dilemmas, single mothers getting lucky, spill salt, superstitions, walk under ladders, we're up all night to get lucky Leave a commentAs it is Friday the 13th, please children don’t let your single mothers
Catch a bus
Feed a black pussy cat
Climb a tree
Open the fridge
Break a mirror
Cook dinner
Spill salt
Make a bed
Log out of Tinder
Wash clothes
Leave the couch
Walk under a ladder
Or stop dancing
Because it is very, very unlucky
#childrenmusthelptheirmothers
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Double duty
Posted: September 7, 2014 Filed under: FEMINISM, Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: casual fathering, Child Support Agency Australia, child support agency failings, deadbeat dads, disneyland dads, Father's Day, fathering when he feels like it, happy families, Julie London - Daddy, man up, mental health of single mothers, real men pay child support, responsible parenting, single mother sanity savers, single mother struggles, single mother truths, single mothering 2 CommentsToday is Father’s Day and I’m missing my long dead dad. Reading happy family messages on social media on a day like today is tough, especially when you’re doing double duty. I’m loving my strong male mates who are showing up and working hard and being great dads by making their children their main priority. I’m not loving the dads who show off their kids at public social functions but aren’t there for the hard graft of parenting. A part of me wishes that men in Western society would take the men who decide to be deadbeat and Disneyland dads to task. Tiger Woods can treat his wife and kids like shit but still be awarded player of the year awards. In our society it’s even easy to get away with not paying for your kids. I don’t know if it’s the role of government to chase up sperm donors who are not declaring income and crying poor then taking their new families out for dinner and getting on with a newly invented life as though the children they had first are a part of their past that they don’t need to revisit. The Child Support Agency doesn’t seem to be highly effective. I’m not advocating a return to the strict moral code of the 1950s but a few conversations along the lines of ‘mate lift your game’ and ‘real men pay child support,’ I think would help us ladies struggling with bearing the full load of child rearing. Yes we chose to have our kids, but in most cases, no we didn’t deliberately choose boys masquerading as men who have relinquished their responsibilities to their children. Real men man up.
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Modern families
Posted: August 20, 2014 Filed under: Parenting | Tags: 20th century parenting techniques, 21st century parenting, Advice for single mothers, blended families, Dolly Parton & Tom Jones - Green Grass of Home on Dolly's Show, families in a blender, Lou Pollard is Looking For Mike Brady, old fashioned parenting, parenting advice, parenting before single motherhood became fashionable, parenting in the 50s, parenting in the 60s, parenting in the 70s, parenting in the 80s, parenting in the 90s, parenting in the new millenium, shared custody Leave a commentAs I am on the hunt for a brand new Mike Brady style husband, I wonder how I’ll adjust to living with Mr Stepfather and his children when they find me. I’ve been thinking about different parenting styles:
Apparently parenting in the 50s was: Wait ’til your father gets home. Then parenting in the 60s was: Go to bed or I’ll whack you on the bum. A popular 70s child rearing plan was: Go to a party, drink a lot, chuck the kids a bag of chips and a can of Fanta every few hours, end up at 3am kicking the dog into the neighbour’s pool. Wake up on the front lawn underneath the frangipani tree. Throw six sleepy kids you found on the front verandah in the back of the station wagon and give the car keys to the adult who appears most sober.
The popular parenting style in the 80s was, “Julie’s dad is not too pissed to drive, I’ll get him to pick up you and Vicky from the Blue Light Disco.” No wonder we learnt to get hammered at every opportunity.
According to social researchers parents began to spend a lot more time with their kids after 1995, so parenting in the 90s became, “Sit down and watch the Simpsons with me while I have a drink.” In the 21st century parenting has become: I share custody with her and her, so I’d better find a new childless girlfriend to help me when my kids come back from their mothers’ houses.
Dolly Parton & Tom Jones – Green Grass of Home on Dolly’s Show
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Parenting Failures
Posted: June 20, 2014 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, bad mothering, bad parenting, Johnny Cash - I Won't Back Down, parenting fails, single mother fantasies, single mothering with determination, talent schools should be outlawed, Wisdom for single mothers, you know you're a bad mother if your kids... 6 CommentsCall me judgemental (go on, I love it), but I am trying to raise my children to be able to function in society when they are adults. To be reasonably polite and kind and treat other people well, be they garbos or barristers, I believe you have failed as a parent if your kids:
Are enrolled in a ‘talent’ school. Go for it kids, learn singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, line dancing (maybe) whatever, but please don’t let children near anyone who claims to be able to teach your kids how to become famous
Cannot say please and thank you
Can’t look another human being in the eye when having an intelligent conversation
Listen to Justin Bieber beyond the age of 9
Use ‘verse’ as a verb
Believe that going to a shopping mall is a ‘can’t live without’ life experience
Feel the need to upload their entire life on Tumblr
Are still living at home beyond the age of 25
Think that ‘director of beauty’ is a job description
Know how to operate a firearm under the age of 10
Dear readers feel free to add to this list
loupollard 