Don’t Dream It, Be It

When I was 15 I used to sneak out late at night with my girlfriends to watch the midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We dressed up in tutus and high heels, we sang, we sweated, we laughed and we danced. And my mother never did find out. Until now. Years later I was working in London and the phone rang and I instantly recognised the voice on the other end of the phone. It was Tim Curry. I couldn’t speak so I passed the phone to a colleague who laughed when she realised who I should have been talking to. Thank you Mr Curry for the joy you brought to my teenage years. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from the trouble and pain.


There is more than one Britney Spears

Unlike Britney, I was a child star who didn’t live up to my initial promise. I did my first ad when I was six months old, a big fat roly poly baby lying nude in an underwear model’s arms. We were advertising ‘nursing’ bras and my job was to look cute and adorable (it was a stretch for me). Allegedly I peed all over her, I don’t think that is true, I can’t remember doing it. My mother swears it happened, but as she was once a young Liberal I’m not sure her testimony can be trusted.

One of my earliest and most favourite-est memories, (probably because my mum took a photo of me sitting on our lawn roller in our front garden) is of me singing Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head. My singing career started a couple of years after my modelling debut. I was wearing a cowboy hat that didn’t match my tutu. I used to sit on the grass roller looking fabulous between my shows. I preferred to play to intimate audiences rather than at larger venues. Singing was my thang, especially entertaining my mother’s friends as I stood on our dining room table in patent leather shoes, or warbling on our front fence. I also gave impromptu performances riding side saddle on my rocking horse on our front verandah, just to show my versatility as a ‘triple threat’ as they say in acting parlance. In the days before Autotune I was a magnificent singer. Who said all child stars grow up to become problem adults? Not me.

Yes this is child star Shirley Temple, she was WAY before my time but I didn’t copy her once in my stellar career appearing on book covers, in newspapers and magazines and live for a limited season on our front lawn.


Love Missile F1-11

In the late 80s I was a naive teenager from Sydney on my first solo trip to London. One weekend I was invited to a party in the English countryside at the plush home of Rod Stewart’s manager Billy Gaff, who had just bought London’s famous Marquee Club. Billy Gaff’s neighbours including Michael Caine were meant to be attending the party. My friends who worked for TV guru Molly Meldrum at the time had bagged us the invitation. When we arrived we were driven from the main gate in a Range Rover up to the party, which was held in a marquee decorated with Marquee signs on the lawn next to the house. Molly was there with an entourage and various English TV celebrities. After the drive from London I was busting for a pee so I walked through a side door into the house. As I waited to get into a bathroom, I spotted a tin of Campbell’s Soup signed by Andy Warhol in a glass cabinet beside pit passes from Formula One races. I noticed there were more Warhols on the walls as I walked outside to grab a drink. Then I joined my friends to people watch on the lawn. Five minutes later as the Range Rover arrived with a new batch of guests, the members of Sigue Sigue Sputnik climbed out of the car wearing fishnet gloves, towering heels and skin tight vinyl outfits. Even with my big 80s hair, ripped jeans and teenage fuck you attitude I remember thinking how ridiculous they looked as the band posed for a moment by the car, then proceeded to walk over the grass to the party. One by one their spiked stiletto heels stuck in the lawn and they began falling over. One of the funniest pieces of slapstick I’ve ever seen was watching these men with mesh covered faces try to pull their feet out of the newly laid lawn. I can’t remember meeting any uber-famous film stars at the Marquee party but the drive from London was worth it watch a few 80s fashion victims fall on their arses. Does anyone remember any of their songs?


We got married in a fever

Being the true romantic single lady that I am, it came to my attention that February 14 was a really bad day for a lot of mature people who are only five cats away from a sad and lonely life. The last time I gave a Valentine’s card was back in the late 70s when I ran to the house of a beautiful blonde boy I had a crush on to deliver my card featuring my carefully disguised handwriting. After I dropped my love note in his letterbox I set a personal best time running home from his house so he wouldn’t know it was me who’d sent him a declaration of undying love (that lasted about 3 weeks).

Apparently condom manufacturers love Valentine’s Day but for those of us who would like to forget this commercial celebration of romance, please remember that some highly successful marriages commenced today, including Elton John and Renate Blauel, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid and Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.


Ripper bewdy mate

Happy Aussie Invasion Day

 


Hooray for Dollywood

Today is Dolly Parton’s birthday. I have loved her since I could sing. I love her wardrobe, her lyrics, her accent, her hair and her au naturale feminine charm. One day I will go to her theme park Dollywood in Tennessee. Right after I visit Elvis in Memphis.


Just for one day

Happy Birthday David Jones


Let Your Heart Be Light

The silly season is upon us. Hello Santa, Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah. This has been an exhausting, challenging, mad year for many of my loved ones. Peace to all.


Don’t Give Up

I am blessed to have many beautiful friends in this life. Today two brave friends went through a terrible ordeal and will need to find the strength to overcome vast pain. I am thankful for my beautiful friends and all they have endured. I will be there when you need me


Everything is disposable except people

A beautiful soul just left the earth too soon. I see too many sweet young souls die in my work life. I hope she is in the arms of the angels. One day cancer will be a bad memory.