They don’t make ’em like they used to

I was listening to a classic hits station in the car as I drove my teenage daughter to a party, and she said she’d only just noticed how dodgy the lyrics were to a lot of the old songs, i.e. classic songs from the glory days of my youth (1970s and 80s). My list of feminist anthems from that time include:

Are You Old Enough? by Dragon – the lyrics include
I just wanted to kiss someone
I got the moondog blues
You just happened to be standing there
So won’t you tell me, won’t you tell me the truth?
Are you old enough? Are you old enough?

When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman by Dr Hook
When you’re in love with a beautiful woman
You watch her eyes
When you’re in love with a beautiful woman
You look for lies

And Mick Jagger, that champion of mothers with newborns, wrote these lyrics for Some Girls:

Some girls give me children
I never asked them for
Black girls just wanna get fucked all night
I just don’t have that much jam

Another classic, sung by Tom Jones, has the male lover stab his girlfriend to death because she cheated on him. He couldn’t help himself. Poor man.

Why, why, why, Delilah
I could see that girl was no good for me
But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
At break of day when that man drove away, I was waiting
I cross the street to her house and she opened the door
She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more
My, my, my Delilah
Why, why, why Delilah
So before they come to break down the door
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more

I’m sure there’s more


Unreal Estate

At 8.30pm tonight I’m performing my new show A Real State at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville, for three nights only. I’m hunting for a lovely new home and an audience to match. As a professional fool I wish I had a good job to pay for a mortgage, just like the well-known real estate guru Joe Hockey. I’m currently squashed into a scenic apartment with my three children overlooking the rent.

Fresh from my four-star reviewed Sydney Comedy Festival show Looking For Mike Brady, I’m performing in a tastefully renovated new show about home hunting away from the airport flight path in Sydney’s unreal estate market. This superbly crafted story is a moving show, in a call-the-removalists-the-lease-is-up-again kind of way.

Sophisticated solo parent seeks attractive audience positioned to ensure the perfect lifestyle experience. Bring yourself and any urban hipster double income professionals to this perfectly priced fun show about one woman’s quest to find a stunning family home. You’ll laugh your guts up as I enlist the audience in my hunt for a house, and maybe a husband too.

Buy Tickets for A Real State comedy show


Fool’s birthday

It’s my 29th birthday and I don’t look a day over 45. I’ve had lots of messages from 100 imaginary friends on social media, nothing from my family and my kids punched each other over breakfast.

It’s also International Talk like A Pirate Day and I want to scream, “ARRRRR, FORKEN, FORKEN, FORKEN, ARRRRRRRR.”

Tony Abbott may have gone (early birthday present), but it seems that a 1950s Catholic committee are still running the asylum that Australia has become. Anti single mothers, anti-women achieving anything other than housework, pro-coal mining, big business destroying the environment, I can’t wait to get rid of these philistines. This lot couldn’t run a piss-up in a brewery.

Malcolm Turnbull needs to appoint 10 single mothers to his cabinet, then he’ll achieve something. Single mothers work quickly to get everything done before we have to dash to pick up kids, then home to make dinner. If Joe Hockey needs to find money for the budget, hiring single mothers would mean a budget cut of about 40%, we work cheaply.

Really all I want for my birthday is a new order. Two years of the fascist boys club running our country and Australia has become the laughing stock of the world. Sigh.


Home is where the heartache is

I’ve written a new stand-up comedy show called A Real State for the Sydney Fringe Comedy Festival. My first performance of this incredibly funny tribute to the sorry state of real estate in Sydney is on Tuesday September 22 at the Factory Theatre in Marrickville.

I’m hoping to see more than my friends and five dogs in the audience as tickets are very cheap. I’ve written new songs and a lot of new material and if I remember to be funny it will be a great night of laughs.

You can buy tickets here: A Real State comedy show


RU OK?

Today is National RU OK? day. Please check on your friends, family, neighbours and loved ones and ask them: Are you OK? We are so busy and so disconnected but together we can prevent suicide. If you know someone who lives on their own, a smile and a chat could be what they need. I have rung Lifeline in my darkest hour and the woman who answered the phone was brilliant. May the legacy of Gavin Larkin live on and spread across the world.

If you need help call Lifeline in Australia: 131144

RU OK DAY about


Papa

I miss my dad every day so today I’ll go out of my way to avoid anyone celebrating with their fathers. My dad was cheeky, funny, lived life large, worked too hard and loved us fiercely. He didn’t have a father so he had a crash course in learning how to be a dad when my eldest brother was born. My dad had a great range of dad jokes, particularly about my fashion choices.
“You wearing that for a bet?” he’d say.

Thank you for your humour, your courage, your encouragement to read great books, your excesses, your fun and the twinkle in your eye. Love you my gorgeous Dad. I hope you’re not resting in peace, I hope you’re blazing a trail across the sky leaving all the stars in your wake.

Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads.


Free AJ staff

Last night I met Australian journalist Peter Greste at the Sydney launch of the book Prison Post at Berkelouw bookshop. Prison Post is a collection of letters of support for Peter Greste received while he was in prison in Egpyt. A few weeks ago, I received an email from the publisher saying that my letter to Peter may be published. When I arrived at the launch I ran into my writing teacher Patti Miller who told me that my email had indeed been included in the book.

Peter Greste is now a free man, despite being sentenced last weekend in absentia by an Egyptian court who conducted his trial with no evidence. Unfortunately his Al Jazeera colleagues Egyptian-Canadian producer Mohamed Fahmy and Egyptian producer Baher Mohamed are back in prison after a Cairo court sentenced the three journalists to three years in jail after finding them guilty of “aiding a terrorist organisation,” a reference to the Muslim Brotherhood, which was outlawed in Egypt after the army overthrew President Mohamed Morsi in 2013. The verdict sparked worldwide outrage.

Peter Greste’s family campaigned tirelessly for his release. They set up an email account for messages of support they could print out to take him on their visits. Last night, Editia publisher Charlotte Harper spoke warmly about how the book came about, and Australian comedian and writer Wendy Harmer read funny letters to Peter that he had received from around the world. Then it was Peter Greste’s turn to speak. He told us that our letters had kept him going on very bleak days in his 400 days in prison. He spoke about how he saved the letters to read and how his brothers had told Peter during their visits that thousands of people from around the world were behind him. The letters kept Peter connected to the outside world.

While I’m thrilled to be included in this publication and I want everyone to buy it because the proceeds go to supporting people in prison around the world, we need to work to get Mohamed Fahmy and Baher Mohamed released from jail. Peter Greste last night urged us all to keep tweeting, using the hashtag #FreeAJstaff and also to pressure our local MPs to raise the case with the Egyptian government. Peter Greste is now a fugitive for a crime he didn’t commit. And we need to let his wrongly imprisoned journalist colleagues know we haven’t forgotten them. We can send emails to this address: fahmyfoundation@gmail.com.

Journalists must be free to report on the world’s atrocities and joys. Living in Australia we take press freedom for granted. It is time we stood up and used our voices for good.