Love Missile F1-11
Posted: March 26, 2013 Filed under: COMEDY, SONGS | Tags: 80s fashion victims, Billy Gaff, english country parties, glam punk bands, sartorial negligence, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, slapstick, spike heels in the lawn, The Marquee Club London in the 80s Leave a commentIn the late 80s I was a naive teenager from Sydney on my first solo trip to London. One weekend I was invited to a party in the English countryside at the plush home of Rod Stewart’s manager Billy Gaff, who had just bought London’s famous Marquee Club. Billy Gaff’s neighbours including Michael Caine were meant to be attending the party. My friends who worked for TV guru Molly Meldrum at the time had bagged us the invitation. When we arrived we were driven from the main gate in a Range Rover up to the party, which was held in a marquee decorated with Marquee signs on the lawn next to the house. Molly was there with an entourage and various English TV celebrities. After the drive from London I was busting for a pee so I walked through a side door into the house. As I waited to get into a bathroom, I spotted a tin of Campbell’s Soup signed by Andy Warhol in a glass cabinet beside pit passes from Formula One races. I noticed there were more Warhols on the walls as I walked outside to grab a drink. Then I joined my friends to people watch on the lawn. Five minutes later as the Range Rover arrived with a new batch of guests, the members of Sigue Sigue Sputnik climbed out of the car wearing fishnet gloves, towering heels and skin tight vinyl outfits. Even with my big 80s hair, ripped jeans and teenage fuck you attitude I remember thinking how ridiculous they looked as the band posed for a moment by the car, then proceeded to walk over the grass to the party. One by one their spiked stiletto heels stuck in the lawn and they began falling over. One of the funniest pieces of slapstick I’ve ever seen was watching these men with mesh covered faces try to pull their feet out of the newly laid lawn. I can’t remember meeting any uber-famous film stars at the Marquee party but the drive from London was worth it watch a few 80s fashion victims fall on their arses. Does anyone remember any of their songs?
Light A Candle
Posted: March 23, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: David Bowie, Earth Hour, LIfe On Mars, power off, switch off electricity 2 CommentsSwitch off the idiot box, turn off the lights, get naked, have a boogie, sing and have an Earth Hour party tonight
To be sure
Posted: March 17, 2013 Filed under: ART | Tags: Irish heritage, Irish humour, Irish jews, leprechauns, Sinead O'connor - Queen of Denmark live, St patrick's Day 1 CommentToday is a celebration of all things Irish. I adore Irish accents, rainy weather, Irish writers, their melancholy, their songs, their fiery spirit and most of all their wit. Irish artists have given me joy and solace in dark times; I love Oscar Wilde, Sinead O’Connor, James Joyce, Bram Stoker, Yeats, Sheridan, George Bernard Shaw and The Pogues to name a few. I am descended from Irish Jews (my great grandmother) so I like to think I got a double helping of humour in my DNA.
Happy St Paddy’s Day
Naughty Forty
Posted: March 15, 2013 Filed under: LOVE, Self improvement | Tags: 40 years old, dancing with friends, friendship, grey hairs, growing up, naughty at 40, reading with friends, The Ides of March, wisdom, you gotta have friends 8 CommentsI love being in my 40s, there’s a wisdom and a new found I don’t give a fuck what you think of me attitude to how I live my life, which wasn’t there in my 20s (and certainly not in my teens). I’m still young and fit enough to enjoy life even though wrinkles have started their long march across my face. But forty is also when you realise you’re not immortal and the friends you’ve had for 20 or even 30 years don’t last forever. That parents get sick and die, and being a grown up is really responsible. I’ve realised I’m now the same age that my parents were when I first made beautiful friendships that I thought would last forever. Some of those precious friends have vanished. And I thought I’d find other friends who shared their humour and energy and spirit, but those people are rare. And my darlings have gone forever. Sometimes I hear a piece of music and I think of lovelies I shared my life with. I think of my friend whose name is now on the AIDS quilt, he died so young. And I think of the times we spent lying in his bed reading to each other, sharing authors we thought were fantastic. And listening to music that we loved. And sending postcards to each other from far away places because the internet wasn’t invented. And I realise that when you’re 40 you really do understand that life can be a bloody bitch and that is why we must laugh and dance and joke and sing and be as mad as cut snakes and tell each other again and again that we love each other before it is too late. Because love can’t wait.
I am woman, hear me roar
Posted: March 8, 2013 Filed under: FEMINISM | Tags: feminism, I am Malala, International Women's Day, Lesley Gore, Malala, March 8, You Don't Own Me 1 CommentToday is International Women’s Day. Today we celebrate women like brave, bold Malala, the 15 year old Pakistani schoolgirl who took on the Taliban to ensure that all girls in her country have the right to an education. She is the youngest nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize in history and the same age as my eldest daughter. One day my daughters won’t need a day reserved for them because women will have equal rights all over the world.
Comedy On Tap
Posted: March 1, 2013 Filed under: ART, COMEDY, FEMINISM | Tags: Australian stand up comedy, Brenda Trolloppe, Ciel Comedian, Comedy On Tap, Comedy On Tap Stand up comedy night, Fabulous female artists, female comedians, female painters, Lou Pollard comedian, Tap Gallery 2 CommentsI started doing stand up comedy 15 years ago, back when I only had one children. I supported Arj Barker, went to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, had loads of fun and got away with perving at a lot of good looking men from the stage. Then I embarked on a more extensive breeding program so I gave up stand up for a few years because I was so sleep deprived nothing was funny. Back when I was performing comedy regularly, a fabulous, strong, feminist lady artist called Pam constantly baby sat for me and ensured that my daughter had a magical time at Pam’s house drawing and painting and visiting art galleries. My teenaged daughter is now an artist because of the love and care and help Pam gave her when she was very small. I’m back doing stand up and I’m putting on a comedy night once a month with good friends at a gallery in Sydney. Pam died this week in a terrible accident and our first comedy night is the night before her funeral. I don’t know how I’m going to be funny in the face of losing my friend. I’ll be looking out into the audience and hoping she’ll be there because she really helped me to follow my dream. Thank you Pammy.
Allan S-s-s-Seale
Posted: February 25, 2013 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: Allan Seale, Australian TV heroes, Blackie the dog, famous Australian gardeners, gardening, gardening 'personalities', near brush with fame, teenage idiots, village idiots 14 CommentsIn the 1980s there was a well-known gardener on Australian television called Allan Seale. He had an almost imperceptible whistling lisp so his ‘S’s’ sounded like sslippery ssuckers. Allan’s dog sometimes made guest appearances on his show (that was my favourite part). My mother liked to watch gardening shows (and grass growing) so I practised my Allan Seale lisp after dinner to avoid doing any homework. One weekend in about 1984 I was a bored, dim-witted teenager visiting friends who happened to live in the same neighbourhood as this gentle man. As soon as I heard my friend say, “He lives about two streets away,” I was off to meet Allan, with my friends following behind me. I ran through his garden, which was filled with native plants before that was fashionable.
“Issh Blackie here?” I whistled when his lovely wife came to answer their front door bell. My friends stood giggling behind a tree.
“No, he’s not,” she said, failing to open the heavy chocolate brown imitation metallic lace screen door (they were de rigeur in the 80s). My confidence faded at this point.
“Oh, how about Allan?” I said realising I couldn’t show off my impressive Allan Seale impersonation with that sentence. She sighed as she shook her head to one side. We stood in silence staring at each other. I hadn’t prepared for this. Allan was out and Blackie hadn’t even bothered to come out of the house to bark at me. I felt like such a moron, I stood on her front door mat grinning like a village idiot for what seemed like half an hour before she shut the door in my face. Then I walked slowly to the corner shop to find comfort in a bag of 20 cent lollies. When Allan got home from work that night his wife probably didn’t bother telling him that some fool stood on their front doorstep impersonating his voice a few hours earlier. Looking back, I really should have tried harder to meet Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, she is my true TV hero.
We got married in a fever
Posted: February 14, 2013 Filed under: LOVE, MARRIAGE, SONGS | Tags: 14 February successful marriages, Carol Brady, Florence Henderson birthday, Jackson, Lee Hazlewood, Nancy Sinatra, On this day, Valentine's Day 3 CommentsBeing the true romantic single lady that I am, it came to my attention that February 14 was a really bad day for a lot of mature people who are only five cats away from a sad and lonely life. The last time I gave a Valentine’s card was back in the late 70s when I ran to the house of a beautiful blonde boy I had a crush on to deliver my card featuring my carefully disguised handwriting. After I dropped my love note in his letterbox I set a personal best time running home from his house so he wouldn’t know it was me who’d sent him a declaration of undying love (that lasted about 3 weeks).
Apparently condom manufacturers love Valentine’s Day but for those of us who would like to forget this commercial celebration of romance, please remember that some highly successful marriages commenced today, including Elton John and Renate Blauel, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid and Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.
Five years ago today
Posted: February 13, 2013 Filed under: AUSTRALIA | Tags: aboriginal culture, aboriginal history, Australian Aboriginal history, healing of our nation, KEVIN RUDD SPEECH, shameful Australian history, sorry, Sorry Day, SORRY SPEECH, Stolen generations, the day we said sorry 2 CommentsI don’t think I really understood the term ‘Stolen Generations’ until I became a mother. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that someone could walk into your house and steal your children because they believed their way of life and thinking was better than the one your people had followed for thousands of years. Five years ago our then Prime Minister gave this speech as an apology to the original owners of our country. I remember crying as I watched the faces of the elders as they listened to him speaking, the pain of their history etched into their DNA.
“Today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.
We reflect on their past mistreatment.
We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were Stolen Generations – this blemished chapter in our nation’s history.
The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.
We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.
We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.
For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.
To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.
And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.
We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.
For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.
We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians.
A future where this Parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.
A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, Indigenous and non-Indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.
A future where we embrace the possibility of new solutions to enduring problems where old approaches have failed.
A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.
A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia.”


