High and low lights 2013
Posted: December 15, 2013 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, COMEDY, Self improvement | Tags: 2013 year in review, A life well lived, Andaman Sea Thailand, births and deaths, Ciel - stand up comic, crazy 2013 year of turmoil, Deborah Abela, everyday sexist remarks, family holidays where no one fights, feminism, Feminist role models, foal burgers, Frank Sinatra - My Way (Live in London 1971), great teachers, Highlights of 2013, horse meat scandal, I am Malala, lover not a fighter, Malala, MONA Hobart, NELSON MANDELA, North Shore Relay For Life, One Direction, One Direction world domination, Philippine disaster, rape culture, reading, Russian meteor shower, singing dancing and Clown Doctoring, Sydney Fringe Festival 2013, Tasmania, US fiscal cliff, visionary leaders, Wendy Davis feminist hero, wrecking ball, Writers 6 CommentsWhat an insane year this has been, challenging, difficult, fabulous at times. Lots of kooky things happened in 2013. Apparently astrologically this can be blamed on something up Uranus
In February I lost my lovely friend (my favourite mother in law) and my children lost their favourite grandma in a terrible accident. She was a feisty feminist warrior, an artist and activist and we miss her
I took my munchkins overseas for the first time all together on a family holiday to visit my big brother and we loved it. We had a magical time; boat rides, 1000s of fish, gigantic snails, night markets, turtles, puffer fish, swimming, strange smells, diving, making new friends, eating fabulous Thai food and meeting the marvellous Sister Joan at Presentation Slums Mission in Bangkok. Life is about being with the people you love and telling them how special they are to you
I swam with fish in the Andaman Sea
I kissed a boy and I liked it
When I was MC for North Shore Relay for Life in March I took a bunch of local school kids up to the RNS Hospital cancer ward to sing for the adult patients. So beautiful and so sad. The questions from the kids in the lift on the way down were heartbreaking
I spent the winter writing comedy and workshopping my stuff with the fabulous Ciel. Then in September I had a fantastic time performing in three shows for the Sydney Fringe Festival including a show with my daughters and my solo stand up comedy show
I visited Tasmania for the first time and made great new friends and had a fabulous visit with an old friend. And I went to MONA in Hobart, what an art collection
I spent four days of madness and laughter with my Clown Doctor sisters and brothers and we giggled, played, danced and cheered each other up muchly
Australians got distracted by Twitter and stupid reality TV shows and forgot to hold their political leaders to account on environmental policies. Oops, there goes the Great Barrier Reef and our pristine wilderness
The entertaining children’s author Deborah Abela came to my daughters’ school and ignited a passion for reading in my youngest child. Thank you Deborah
My girls marched closer to adulthood as I learned to let go
The music of One Direction invaded my house like a wrecking ball
In Australia we had a federal election campaign that went on for 50 years (actually seven months but it felt like a gazillion times that). Australians voted against a vain PM and we ended up with Mr Misogynist refugee hater as our new prime minister
A magazine editor thought that a campaign featuring ladies not wearing any make up would empower women
I learned how to play more than three chords on my ukulele and sang funny songs with the beautiful families of very sick children in hospital
Damn, I forgot to marry for money
Around the world lots of crazy shiz went down:
In Britain there was scandal when the horse meat of the apocalypse was declared the national dish. Foal burger anyone?
Russians took a meteor shower
Mansplaining became the word du jour for more than a day
More women said ‘enough is enough I can’t go on’ (in the words of Barbra Streisand), and joined the fight for equal pay as feminists the world over marched closer to the imaginary land of Equality
In the US everyone stood near the fiscal cliff and peered over. Except the billionaires who were too busy raping and pillaging the country
In the Philippines a huge storm killed thousands and wiped out entire villages. MSF and many other charities restored our faith in human nature
Saudi women got behind the wheel and showed that women can drive too
Wendy Davis filibustered her way into feminist history
A celebrity flashed her undies, bought new boobs, had a baby, married her best friend’s personal trainer after stealing him from his fiancee, they got divorced after two days, she adopted seven children from a yak herder in Mongolia and released a perfume line featuring photos of the children in various states of undress (I think). This received more media coverage than unimportant issues like the death of the great Nelson Mandela
Madiba passed away at the age of 95 and the whole world mourned because we have too few visionary leaders and too many greedy narcissists in positions of power
Malala Yousafzai celebrated her 16th birthday with an inspirational speech, “We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back”
All in all a wonderful year of chaos
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Karma
Posted: December 9, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement, Theme Songs | Tags: action, breathe, Buddhist teachings, Daisaku Ikeda, dirty deeds, driving the karma bus, forgiveness, I ask myself, Karma, Karma Police, like a detuned radio, love, mindfulness, mirrors, peace, Radiohead, reaction, sanskrit, single mother sanity, this is what you get, time is more powerful than you, universal laws, yoga Leave a commentAccording to recent traffic reports the karma bus is coming with it’s engine revved and I’m not in the driver’s seat.
“It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others. This perspective is at the heart of Buddhist teachings.”
― Daisaku Ikeda
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Thou shalt not steal from thy children
Posted: November 1, 2013 Filed under: Parenting, Self improvement, Single Motherhood | Tags: All hallows Eve, All Saints Day, beer o'clock, cheapskate mothering, Grandmaster Flash, halloween, halloween hangovers, healthy meals, substance abuse, sugar addiction, The Day of the Dead, Trick or treating with kids, White Lines 4 CommentsToday is the Day of the Dead and All Saints’ Day.
4.15am. I am woken by a Halloween sugar hangover from hell, my tummy is about to explode and in my head I can hear the echo of my children whingeing like reality show contestants. I would run around our house screaming like a lunatic if only I had the energy. Yesterday afternoon I ate too many red ones, blue ones, green ones, pink ones, yellow ones, orange ones, brown ones, purple ones, striped, spotted, dappled, multi coloured, mottled, dusted and sugar coated ones. There is a beautiful tree-lined street one block from my house and every Halloween the residents hold a street party/sugar orgy, handing out kilos of chocolate and lollies to all the kids. Word has gotten out in my part of the world that the costumes and decorations are fabulous and the hard stuff is freely available. People come from everywhere and the local clocks switch over to beer o’clock at about 3pm. Because I am a fabulous cheapskate mother, I painted my children’s faces green and sent them out to forage for their dinner. Keeping children off the sweet stuff is hard when you are a sugar substance abuser from way back. In order to keep my kids from developing a major addiction, I selflessly rationed their sweeties before tucking them in bed, then proceeded to scoff their lolly bags like a junkie at 8.30pm. I looked in the mirror at about midnight and my face resembled a Green M+M. So very attractive. Lucky for me it is the Day of the Dead today because I look like death warmed up. Single mother commandment no: 78: Thou shalt not skip lunch and dinner for dessert just because the neighbours are paying for the meal.
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Elegant laziness
Posted: October 8, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: botox, elegant laziness, frowning and smiling look the same, I can't move my face, I look like a startled possum, no expression, no wrinkles on me, plastic surgery envy, Right Said Fred - I`m Too Sexy, single mother dreaming, trashy magazines promoting envy 1 CommentNow my children are back at reform school I can relax and think about myself again. Today I filled my head with intellectual information from Women’s Monthly magazine (I think that’s what it is called). I want wrinkle-free botoxed skin like the smooth faced actresses who pretend not to have had plastic surgery. I am addicted to the lifestyle promoted by trash rag magazines; I want a life of elegant laziness, relying solely on my good looks. Unfortunately as I am almost 30 years old I think I may have left my run a bit late.
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Arr, arr, arr, ahoy me hearties
Posted: September 19, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: bucaneers, International Talk Like A Pirate Day, land lubbers, Nick Cave, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - The Ship Song, pirate birthdays, Pirate queens, pirate talk, pirates Leave a commentToday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. I grew up in Crows Nest and it’s my birthday today so I was born to be a bucaneer. Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum, hoist the mizzen
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RU OK?
Posted: September 12, 2013 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, Self improvement | Tags: ask your friends and neighbours RU OK?, Don Ritchie OAM, Gavin Larkin, Gavin Larkin legacy, great Australians making a difference, helping others, Mental health, national day of action, National RU OK day, RU OK, start a conversation, suicide prevention Leave a commentRU OK Day is a national day of action in Australia which aims to reduce suicide by encouraging people to connect with each other and ask “RU OK?” I have dear friends whose lives have been deeply affected by family suicide and I have seen the pain left behind.
R U OK? Day was inspired by the death of Barry Larkin (1940 – 1995). Barry was a fascinating and successful business management consultant who took his own life. His son Gavin Larkin (1968-2011) partnered with television producer Janina Nearn in 2008 to develop a campaign that would inspire Australians to stay connected and support people doing it tough.
R U OK?Day was launched in 2009 in Canberra. R U OK? is dedicated to Barry and all people who have died through suicide, and to the family and friends who love them. Please visit: www.ruokday.com
Reach out and try to help, a conversation could save a life. Who will you ask?
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You want me to buy what?
Posted: September 2, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement, Single | Tags: Facebook bots are watching me, Facebook consultants, Facebook robots, finding a mate through social media, ignite the flames of love, Mad World - Gary Jules, melt unwanted fat, Michel Gondry, old, single, single mother fears, social media sales pitches, social media weight loss ads, somebody's trying to tell me something, targeted marketing campaigns, Tears For Fears songs, Tedious advertising campaigns, twitter trolls, wrinkly 4 CommentsDear Facebook I may not be old, single and wrinkly.
As a single mother busting my butt to promote my gigs I’ve recently become a social media whore bag. And Facebook has responded by stalking me with two kinds of ads. Ignite the flame of love again and lose some weight ye old fatty boom bah. Is Facebook trying to give me a hint? Facebook keeps filling my news feed with lots of ads that read something like this:
Try the trick that worked for this 470-year-old wrinkle free woman. Chopping off her head. Want more tips for wrinkle free skin?
Mums aged 90+ are losing all their flabby bits with this simple trick:
Amputation
Melt unwanted belly fat, extra bosoms and your large arse with a fat melting tool called an iron. Ladies you can get rid of 67% of wrinkles by ironing your face. And shave off 10 years of wrinkles by shaving off your craggy old facial skin because wrinkle free is all you want as a woman.
Mums who are 75 but look 7 are losing weight and losing their brain cells and muscle tone by the minute. Maybe I can add to my single mother’s pension by selling these attractive supplements?
Can you drop six dress sizes in a week? I can drop four dresses of different sizes at Vinnie’s in about five minutes.
Maybe I’ve already lost 47kg in six weeks. Maybe I’m really toned, tanned and terrific. Did you even think about that Facebook robot people? Maybe I’ve already found the secrets to a hot bod.
When I’m not being told I’m old and ugly Facebook are helping me to find my soul mate or trying to help me keep my one true love.
How to make your guy really love you, you can become hopeless and irresistible around Alpha males reads their latest ad.
I’m so excited. I will find a Facebook consultant (yes they exist) to help me and very soon I’ll be pretty and skinny and wrinkle free with the love of my life.
All this at the same time as emails proclaiming FREE ACCESS TO LOCAL SLUTS arrive in my inbox every day. I read one of these emails and as a very single mother I was disappointed to see that my name was not on their list of local slappers.
Hopefully my next social media highlight will be some nasty Twitter trolls calling me a filthy old tart.
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The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief
Posted: August 31, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Carole Bayer Sager - You're Moving Out Today (1977), freedom, Hope, moving on from people with NPD, my life and I can do what I like with it, Othello Act I Scene III, overcoming DV, resilience, single ladies, singledom, survival, William Shakespeare quotes Leave a commentToday I’m celebrating four years of freedom.
Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance - Oscar Wilde
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Madiba
Posted: July 17, 2013 Filed under: Birthdays, LOVE, Self improvement | Tags: 46664 charity, 67 minutes, 67 years of service, African leaders, ANC, charity and community work, free Nelson Mandela, JULY 18 BIRTHDAYS, Madiba, Mandela Day, NELSON MANDELA, Nobel Peace prize winners, peace, President of South Africa, The Specials AKA 2 CommentsIn May 1986 I stood singing outside the South African embassy in London for a few weeks with a bunch of other ratbag protestors hoping that our combined voices could help free Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela. I only knew about him because of the song by The Specials AKA. He was freed in 1990. I don’t think it was because of our singing. Nelson Mandela was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993. Madiba’s health may be ailing but we can look to him for inspiration.
Tomorrow is Mandela Day. All you have to do on July 18 is donate 67 minutes of your day to doing something good in any way you can. Nelson Mandela gave 67 years of his life to the struggle for social justice. Can you spare 67 minutes of yours to support a charity or serve your local community? Make every day a Mandela Day.
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Startled possum
Posted: June 30, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: ageing, ageing gracefully, charitable causes, crowdfunding, fake boobs, fake plastic face, harried mothers with worried faces, looking your best, plastic surgery, The Waitresses I Know What Boys Like 2 CommentsPlastic surgery? Yes please. I want to look like a Siamese cat in a wind tunnel and kid myself that I have the skin I had when I was nineteen. I don’t want anyone to see my forehead move, I want my teeth to glow in the dark and a double helping of trout pout please. Mr Surgeon I want the Nicole Kidman I haven’t had surgery look. I want rocks on my chest, I don’t want my boobs to move when I jog out of the water at the beach. When you have the mental age of a 15 year old it sucks to have the skin of a 40 something harried mumma. Years of smoking, sun damage, partying and parental sleep deprivation have not been kind to my face. I’ve had a fabulous full life but does every crevice on my forehead have to show that? Banking institutions aren’t that keen to give me a loan to fund my new cougar on heat face so I’ll have to start a crowdfunding, donate to me I’m a worthwhile charitable cause website to procure funds for my new face. Just need to think up a name for my new charity. How about Face it, I’m fabulous?
loupollard 