Pavlov’s dog
Posted: September 26, 2013 Filed under: Birthdays | Tags: Bobby Darin - Splish Splash, conditioned reflex, famous Russians, Ivan Pavlov, Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine in 1904, Nobel prize winnners, Pavlov's Dog, Pavlovian conditioning, September 26 birthdays, soap causes weeping in children 1 CommentToday is the birth day of Ivan Pavlov, the renowned Nobel prize winning Russian physiologist who discovered that dogs like salivating when humans ring bells (or something). Coincidentally, today I discovered the ‘child as Pavlov’s dog’ phenomenon as I put my youngest daughter in the shower. To make her cry, I just say the word ‘soap.’ If there is dirt her body will find it, then she will share it with the walls of our house. She is generous like that, my baby gurl could be the grottiest little monster on the planet.
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Smells like a one off disco hit
Posted: September 25, 2013 Filed under: ART, SONGS, Theme Songs | Tags: Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West), brilliant songs, disco, Eye of the Tiger - Survivor, Farewell Aunty Jack, favourite songs, funk, Jimmy & The Boys - They Wont Let My Girlfriend (1981), love songs, lovelorn radio songs, My Sharona - The Knack, One Hit Wonder Day, one hit wonders, Racey, Right Said Fred, Running Man, Shaddap You Face - Joe Dolce, tragic 70s and 80s music, tragic music Leave a commentI have tragic taste in music, if a song smells like a bad 70s or 80s hit I will be up on the dance floor from the opening bars. And I don’t mind a ballad that I can murder all alone in the car late at night singing along to a gut-wrenching radio station playing hits for the lovelorn either. In honour of One Hit Wonder Day I present you with my favourites (in no particular order):
The Knack – My Sharona
I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor
Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
99 Luftballons – Nena (the German version)
You Get What You Give – The New Radicals
Only For Sheep – The Bureau
Black Betty – Ram Jam
Feelings – Morris Albert
All By Myself – Eric Carmen
Farewell Aunty Jack – Graeme Bond
Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice – thank you for bringing ‘Running Man’ to the masses
Video Killed The Radio Star – The Buggles
Play That Funky Music – Wild Cherry
Benny Hill – Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)
It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls
Because I Got High – Afroman
Teenage Dirtbag – Wheatus
Rose Garden – Lynn Anderson
Young Hearts Run Free – Candi Staton
Baby Got Back – Sir Mix A Lot
They Wont Let My Girlfriend Talk To Me – Jimmy and The Boys
Lay Your Love On Me – Racey
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Arr, arr, arr, ahoy me hearties
Posted: September 19, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: bucaneers, International Talk Like A Pirate Day, land lubbers, Nick Cave, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - The Ship Song, pirate birthdays, Pirate queens, pirate talk, pirates Leave a commentToday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. I grew up in Crows Nest and it’s my birthday today so I was born to be a bucaneer. Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum, hoist the mizzen
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I am a teenage dirtbag, aren’t I?
Posted: September 19, 2013 Filed under: Birthdays, Single, Single Motherhood, Thought For the Day | Tags: George Cadbury birthday, happy birthday to me, I'm just a teenage dirtbag, International Talk Like A Pirate Day, Lou Pollard birthday, Mama Cass birthday, September 19 birthdays, Twiggy birthday, Virgo, Wheatus 4 CommentsHappy birthday to me. Kooky single mother clown comedy writer. Please give generously or small children may go without food, and my poor, long-suffering teenager may grow up deprived of designer clothes and shoes. Apparently I’m supposed to starve to pay for everything.
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Tears dry on their own
Posted: September 14, 2013 Filed under: ART, Birthdays, SONGS | Tags: Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse - Wake Up Alone, English singers, great female singers, September 14 birthdays 2 CommentsAmy Winehouse would have been 30 today.
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RU OK?
Posted: September 12, 2013 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, Self improvement | Tags: ask your friends and neighbours RU OK?, Don Ritchie OAM, Gavin Larkin, Gavin Larkin legacy, great Australians making a difference, helping others, Mental health, national day of action, National RU OK day, RU OK, start a conversation, suicide prevention Leave a commentRU OK Day is a national day of action in Australia which aims to reduce suicide by encouraging people to connect with each other and ask “RU OK?” I have dear friends whose lives have been deeply affected by family suicide and I have seen the pain left behind.
R U OK? Day was inspired by the death of Barry Larkin (1940 – 1995). Barry was a fascinating and successful business management consultant who took his own life. His son Gavin Larkin (1968-2011) partnered with television producer Janina Nearn in 2008 to develop a campaign that would inspire Australians to stay connected and support people doing it tough.
R U OK?Day was launched in 2009 in Canberra. R U OK? is dedicated to Barry and all people who have died through suicide, and to the family and friends who love them. Please visit: www.ruokday.com
Reach out and try to help, a conversation could save a life. Who will you ask?
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Maybe we’ll grow
Posted: September 12, 2013 Filed under: Birthdays, Thought For the Day | Tags: best friends for life, Bonne Anniversaire, John Legend - Ordinary People Leave a commentJoyeux anniversaire a mon cher ami
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50 and shifty
Posted: September 9, 2013 Filed under: LOVE, MARRIAGE | Tags: 50th birthday, aging disgracefully, Dusty Springfield, Elvis impersonators, hold him and kiss him and love him, Las Vegas, Marriage, milestones, no regrets, pink haired old ladies, sports cars for the desperate and dateless, Wishin' an' hopin' Leave a commentI dreamed a dream in time gone by…. As my birthday nears I am thinking of what I want to do with the rest of my life. When I turn 50 (in about 20 years) I will dye my hair pink, drive a sports car and be married by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas. I just have to catch me a husband who will behave himself. I will sing my own song and never, ever eat celery again.
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Seriously
Posted: September 5, 2013 Filed under: ART, COMEDY, Parenting | Tags: celebrating kids with learning difficulties, comedy shows with kids, Lou Pollard comedy shows, Lou Pollard in Parental Guidance., mother and daughter comedy shows, Parental Guidance from children, performing monkeys, silly shows for kids, silly shows with kids, Sydney Fringe Festival 2013, Sydney Fringe Festival shows, Tap Gallery Sydney Leave a commentW.C. Fields was a wise man. He said that one should never work with children or animals. Next week I’m performing two comedy shows with my youngest daughter who is 8 years old, with the energy of a mad monkey. The rehearsal process was going so, ahem, well, that now my 11 year old daughter has stepped in to help us. You can see our show on Saturday September 14 2013 at Tap Gallery theatre (upstairs) in Darlinghurst (at 2pm and 4pm). Two years ago, I performed with my youngest at Woodford Folk Festival when she was only six, and she stole the show. At one point she threw stuff at the audience, she was hilarious. I must be a sucker for punishment, because when she suggested we do more shows together I said yes. I’ve written, rehearsed and am about to perform the show with someone who is bonkers, and not on Ritalin. And her big sister has turned into the stage control freak, thank God. Anyone got a wild pig we can borrow for our show?
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You want me to buy what?
Posted: September 2, 2013 Filed under: Self improvement, Single | Tags: Facebook bots are watching me, Facebook consultants, Facebook robots, finding a mate through social media, ignite the flames of love, Mad World - Gary Jules, melt unwanted fat, Michel Gondry, old, single, single mother fears, social media sales pitches, social media weight loss ads, somebody's trying to tell me something, targeted marketing campaigns, Tears For Fears songs, Tedious advertising campaigns, twitter trolls, wrinkly 4 CommentsDear Facebook I may not be old, single and wrinkly.
As a single mother busting my butt to promote my gigs I’ve recently become a social media whore bag. And Facebook has responded by stalking me with two kinds of ads. Ignite the flame of love again and lose some weight ye old fatty boom bah. Is Facebook trying to give me a hint? Facebook keeps filling my news feed with lots of ads that read something like this:
Try the trick that worked for this 470-year-old wrinkle free woman. Chopping off her head. Want more tips for wrinkle free skin?
Mums aged 90+ are losing all their flabby bits with this simple trick:
Amputation
Melt unwanted belly fat, extra bosoms and your large arse with a fat melting tool called an iron. Ladies you can get rid of 67% of wrinkles by ironing your face. And shave off 10 years of wrinkles by shaving off your craggy old facial skin because wrinkle free is all you want as a woman.
Mums who are 75 but look 7 are losing weight and losing their brain cells and muscle tone by the minute. Maybe I can add to my single mother’s pension by selling these attractive supplements?
Can you drop six dress sizes in a week? I can drop four dresses of different sizes at Vinnie’s in about five minutes.
Maybe I’ve already lost 47kg in six weeks. Maybe I’m really toned, tanned and terrific. Did you even think about that Facebook robot people? Maybe I’ve already found the secrets to a hot bod.
When I’m not being told I’m old and ugly Facebook are helping me to find my soul mate or trying to help me keep my one true love.
How to make your guy really love you, you can become hopeless and irresistible around Alpha males reads their latest ad.
I’m so excited. I will find a Facebook consultant (yes they exist) to help me and very soon I’ll be pretty and skinny and wrinkle free with the love of my life.
All this at the same time as emails proclaiming FREE ACCESS TO LOCAL SLUTS arrive in my inbox every day. I read one of these emails and as a very single mother I was disappointed to see that my name was not on their list of local slappers.
Hopefully my next social media highlight will be some nasty Twitter trolls calling me a filthy old tart.
loupollard 