Ten Single Mother Commandments
Posted: June 10, 2015 Filed under: Single Motherhood | Tags: AC-DC - Highway to Hell (Live German TV with Bon Scott - 1979), self help for single moms, single mom rule book, Single Mother Commandments, single mother rule book, single mother rules, single mother self help, Smotherhood, Wisdom for single mothers 2 Comments1.Thou shalt buy ear plugs
2. Thou shalt covet the imaginary happy marriage of our happy couple friends
3. Thou shalt freak out the women who think you want to steal their husbands (usually the husbands that aren’t worth stealing)
4. Thou shalt play dead when kids try to wake you up on the weekend
5. Thou shalt bargain with your children like you are a hostage negotiator
6. Thou shalt not take fashion advice from a 13 year old
7. Thou shalt undertake due diligence with the father of your next child before you breed with him
8. Thou shalt be slothful on your birthday, Mother’s Day and Christmas
9. Thou shalt have a cunning plan to deal with toddlers and teenagers – divert, distract, dodge
10. Thou shalt wear pyjamas at school drop off at least once per term
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Move over, there’s a new supermodel
Posted: May 17, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, cover girls over 40, dressed for success, glamorous single motherhood, Lift magazine, magazines for single mothers, Right Said Fred - I`m Too Sexy, single mom magazines, single mother delusions, single mother fashion, Super model single mothers Leave a commentDon’t let anyone tell you that you’re too old to be a supermodel. At the ripe old age of 30 something (my maths is terrible) I have at last become a cover girl. Dressed in clothes that will definitely embarrass my teenager, I am featured in the May issue of Lift magazine, a fabulous new read for single mothers and their huge band of servants, personal trainers, private chefs and stylists.
Click on the link to read my story:
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Mama said knock you out
Posted: May 11, 2015 Filed under: Parents, Single Motherhood | Tags: champion mothers, great songwriters, Happy mothering day, lessons from Mothers' Day, MOTHER'S DAY, Mother's Day 2015, My mama loves me, Paul Simon & Stevie Wonder - Loves Me Like A Rock, storytelling through song Leave a commentAs my 87 year old mother’s brain drifts further away into dementia, I realise that I don’t have much time left with her.Yesterday my kids and I took her for a lovely beach walk in a place where I spent a lot of time misbehaving as a teenager. So today I’m celebrating some of the gifts my mama gave me. Thanks to my mum I spent my childhood listening to great singers and story tellers. My mum has a wonderful voice and she loved singing to me when I was small. When ‘Songs In The Key of Life’ came out we would sing along to Stevie Wonder together. Love you mumma, thanks for your sense of humour and your songs
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Thank you Siri
Posted: May 4, 2015 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Apple products, glamorous single mother life, iPhones, mental health of single mothers, single mother dreaming, single mother fantasies, Siri, The Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb (1966) Leave a commentMy fur child jumped on my iPhone this morning, causing Siri to ask “What can I help you with?”
Well Siri this morning you can help me with my poor taste in men, my lack of style, my mangy hair and my hangover. Then you can drive my kids to school, clean my flat, shop for food, disturb the mad voices in my head while I slumber and book me a holiday. Today I’d like to write, read, swim under a waterfall, sing, dance, do a yoga class, finish my tax return, laugh, have lunch with friends, eat lobster, watch a movie, drink expensive champagne, go sailing, walk on the beach, go to Bali and still have dinner on the table early
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My husband list has one name on it
Posted: April 29, 2015 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: Australian comedians, Australian female comedians, Australian stand up comedy, Kiss - I was made for lovin' you -official video clip (HD), Lou Pollard Sydney Comedy Festival show, single mother comedians, stand up comedians, Sydney Comedy Festival 2015, Sydney Comedy Festival shows 3 CommentsAnxiety, paranoia and sheer terror are all the right ingredients for a successful performance. Tonight I’m performing my solo stand up comedy show ‘Looking For Mike Brady’ for the 2015 Sydney Comedy Festival at the Enmore Theatre and I can’t wait to meet my audience, if not my future husband.
“The loveliest of faces are to be seen by moonlight, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy” Persian Proverb
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Stage fright night
Posted: April 22, 2015 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: comedy, Cypress Hill - Insane In The Brain (Official Video), Female comics, Funny females, funny women, single mother comedians, Sydney comedy, Sydney Comedy Festival 2015, Sydney Comedy Festival shows 2 CommentsWith one week to go before my Sydney Comedy Festival solo show opens I’ve started having my regular nightmares. In the latest one I am backstage at the Enmore Theatre (the venue for my current show), which then morphs into a Wembley Stadium size venue, and for the rest of the dream I embark on a Spinal Tap-esque hunt for the stage I am going to perform on. In the back corridors and bowels of this massive arena I meet footy players, rock stars, roadies, other comedians and officials and I ask every one of them if they know the way to my part of the venue as, “I’m on in five minutes.” Everyone ignores me or laughs in my face as I grow more and more anxious because I know I have an audience, I just don’t know where they are. Every time I wake up thinking that I am late for my show or that I’ve forgotten to get to the venue, I have to look at my phone to check the date and time. It is always around 2.30am.
When I was at acting school 20 years ago, my regular recurring dream was being back stage and other actors coming up to me and laughing in my face because I’d put the wrong make up on for the play we were in. Then one grotesque looking actor would snatch the script from my hand so I had no idea which play we were performing.
I guess the recurring anxiety about my show means I give a rats about the outcome. So please come to my show, I promise to turn down the volume on my neurotic brain
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Seven styles of single mothering
Posted: April 15, 2015 Filed under: Parenting, Single Motherhood | Tags: Advice for single mothers, parenting tips from an expert, single mother inspiration, single mother role models, single mother self help, Single motherhood, single mothers with attitude, single parenting advice, styles of parenting, The Rolling Stones - Live 1966 - 19Th NERVOUS BREAKDOWN Leave a commentThere are so many parenting books telling us confused time-poor parents how to raise our rugrats that mothers like me get lost in the blur of DIY parenting manuals. As a shortcut, here’s a few parenting strategies I’ve picked up in my 18 year journey through smotherhood:
Bribery
Coercion
Sarcasm
Sycophantic soft soaping
Hovercraft parenting
Bubble wrap parenting
Freestyle/slacker parenting
Single mothers take a portion of each one and back off. If we don’t let our children raise themselves we will end up mummy-fied
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Funny
Posted: April 8, 2015 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: 70s comedy, Benny HIll, Benny Hill theme song, comedy and tragedy, English comedians, funny humans, funny people, Funny TV shows, tears of a clown, Yakety Sax Leave a commentIn the lead up to my Sydney Comedy Festival show ‘Looking For Mike Brady’, I’ve been thinking about my comedy because people see me doing stand up and say, “oh I love that trashy single mother character,” and I think I’m just being me, the me I see myself as. So I don’t think I’m playing a character (she and I are very close) but some audience members who don’t know me think I’m exaggerating my behaviour. Now I get why comedy people are private, often reclusive so they can pour all their energy into their work. When I lived in London I used to walk past Benny Hill’s place and when I looked in his front windows he was always sitting very quietly by the fire, looking a little sad. To give out that much mayhem and happy I think you need to have quiet time to balance the fun and madness coming out of your head. Life is funny but not every day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9nr27rOrL0
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Official Day of the Fools
Posted: April 1, 2015 Filed under: Clown Doctors, Self improvement | Tags: April Fools' Day, Clown Doctors Australia, gospel choirs, happy clappers, Humour Therapy, Laughter Medicine, Pharrell Williams Performs "Happy" on The Queen Latifah Show, singing dancing and Clown Doctoring, Smile Day, smiles for sick kids Leave a commentI’m very lucky to be a professional fool. Wherever you are in the world, I’d like you to take a silly selfie, post it online and you can help the Clown Doctors bring smiles to sick kids in hospitals across Australia. Until April 2 (yes, less than 24 hours away), for every silly selfie that you post on Instagram or Twitter (or a public post on Facebook) with the hash tag #ClowningForKids, the Commonwealth Bank will donate $10 to Clown Doctors Australia. You don’t have to use your own money. Make a funny face, post the photo, tag it and the bank pays. So simple a fool could do it.
Share this post with your friends. My day job makes me so joyful I could almost turn into a happy clapper.
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Still Looking For Mike Brady
Posted: March 29, 2015 Filed under: COMEDY | Tags: Australian female comedians, lady comedians, Looking For Mike Brady, Lou Pollard comedy shows, single mother comedians, stand up comedy, Sydney Comedy Festival 2015, Sydney Comedy Festival shows Leave a commentOne month today I’ll be performing at the Enmore Theatre for Sydney Comedy Festival in my solo comedy show ‘Looking For Mike Brady.’ My show is all about what a hot catch I am for a wealthy architect (not really). Without an audience I’m not that funny (ask my children), so please come and see my show, it is yet another of my finely researched single mother get rich quick schemes.
Bring your best friends, good looking architects and Sam the Butcher, I’ll be at The Enmore Theatre for two nights, Wednesday April 29 and Friday May 1 at 9.30pm
Come along and see me act like a silly person on stage.
You can book tickets at: http://www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au/
loupollard 