Happy Next Year
Posted: December 31, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Happy New Year, happy single mothering, I say a little prayer for you, NYE 2018, single mothers with attitude, single mum celebrations Leave a commentHappy New Year. Hope you have fun tonight. I want a smallish glass of good champagne. At one point in my life I would have drunk tequila made from wombat wee if the bar ran dry and now I’m a one glass screamer. Mummies getting smashed is so last year.
In 2019 we will have:
More hopes
More dreams
Fewer emails, more laughter
More kisses, less complaining
Zero idiot rich white male politicians, more wise women from diverse backgrounds
Less coconut milk, more chocolate
Fewer inspirational quotes, more doing
More policies, less political slogans
More teenage dirtbags, less sanitised posers
More sleep, less stress
More grunge, less photoshop
More fun, fewer rules
More rebellion
More open hearts
We can learn to love again
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2018 – The Year of the Plonker
Posted: December 23, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement, Uncategorized | Tags: 2018 year in revieew, auspol, Politics, single mother advice, single mother musings, single mother struggles, single mothering, to Pollard 2 Comments2018, the year that cannot end quickly enough for me. What a clusterfuck.
This truly was the year of the tools coming out from under their rocks.
Trump
Israel Folau spreading hate
Julie Asbestos Bishop behaving like the hypocrite of the century, acting like a martyr when she let Bernie Banton die in agony waiting for compensation
Barnaby Joyce
Lleyonhelm
Lindsay Lohan and her “women look weak” bollocks
Malcolm Gunning from the real estate agents group who thought that people should get a second job to buy a home
Steve Smith and David Warner
The Wallabies
Potato Dutton thinking he had a chance at the top job. The man has a head like a dropped pie
The guy who wanted to ask me out on a date but then mansplained the term ‘mansplaining’ to me
Too many women and children murdered by men they knew, including beautiful Olga and her kids
Scott Morrison’s embarrassing moments happening almost daily from October
Extreme weather conditions worsened across the globe and still moron politicians deny climate science
There have been 94 school shootings in the US this year
The year when the two most powerful comedy shows weren’t funny; Nanette by- Hannah Gadsby and Sascha Baron Cohen’s documentary on America
We lost beautiful artists this year, too many to suicide
Aretha Franklin, Neil Simon, Tom Wolfe, Mirka Mora, Dolores O’Riordan, Richard Gill, Stephen Hawking, Charles Blackman, Judy Blame,, Anthony Bourdain, Kofi Annan, Penny Marshall, Penny Cook, Liz Jackson
Eurydice Dixon was taken from us
Heroes
Robert Mueller
Emma Gonzalez and her classmates
Jameela Jamil
Tham Luang cave divers
Chrissie Foster
Christine Balsey Ford
Saxon Mullins
Sisto Malaspina
The year I learnt to say no more than yes
I was ghosted by a friend
This year a school bully told my child that she should kill her self, my two other kids suffered health problems and I went to hospital twice, but we are blessed to have our health system and we have held onto our sanity (just)
Shakespeare wrote about Donald Trump in All’s Well That Ends Well:
“A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.”
May 2019 bring wisdom and a strong wall to keep the idiots at bay
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Christ Kringle
Posted: December 16, 2018 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Christmas fantasies, Kris Kringle, Merry Christmas, Santa Baby, single mother Christmas wishes, single mother delusions, Xmas Leave a commentDear Santa
Can we please have an inspiring prime minister like Jacinta Ardern or Justin Trudeau for Christmas?
All I want for Christmas is my dad, Stella Young, David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, my friends Claire, Ant, Veljko and Marc to come back. I’ll swap you Trump, Barnaby Joyce, Tony Abbott, Rupert Murdoch, the cast of any of the Bachie shows, the Sunrise panel and that dolt Dutton.
And let’s close the gap, give indigenous kids back to their communities to heal, and also get kids out of detention ploise, they don’t belong there and neither do their parents
K?
All I really want for Christmas is a cocker spaniel and a house to put him in
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Miss Piggy Says No
Posted: December 2, 2018 Filed under: Politics, Self improvement | Tags: brexit, fools in power, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, I hope that somethings better comes along., Kermit, Miss Piggy, parliament, Rowlf The Dog, Shakespearean insults, Statler and Waldorf, The Muppet Show Leave a commentDear world of media, social and serious,
I understand that the current crop of American, British and Australian politicians are spectacularly unskilled, treacherous, dangerous to children and the general health of our nations, but can we please stop calling them Muppets? Muppets are cute. Most of our pollies are neither entertaining, warm or wise, so stop labelling them as friendly puppets that have given pleasure to millions. When writing about these huge parliamentary pension seekers, using the term muppets conveys that they possess some wit. This is not the case.
The current Australian prime minister (for this week) is not life-like, clever nor an original thinker, nor able to relate to humans with humour and compassion, so for the sake of my fond childhood memories please refrain from comparing him to Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the Dog or Kermit.
I have heard the term, you lying fucking muppet used many times when relating to Brexit, can we please instead call these career con artists twats, twatwaffles or plonkers? If you don’t like these terms, consider using the phrases of the Bard. Shakespeare was brilliant at describing human stupidity. We could yell out in Question Time:
“More of your conversation would infect my brain. Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.”
The only Muppets we need in politics are Statler and Waldorf to heckle and cajole incompetent public servants in parliament buildings around the world.
I hope that something better comes along…
-
a puppet worked by strings.“the bird bobs up and down like a marionette”
-
a person who is easily manipulated or controlled.“many officers dismissed him as the mayor’s marionette”
-
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Black hole Friday
Posted: November 26, 2018 Filed under: exercise, FEMINISM, Self improvement, Thought For the Day | Tags: bargains, Black Friday, don't believe the hype, marketing, online sales, sales, single, single mother advice, single mother bargains Leave a commentThe family with an obsession with K’s will also tell you repeatedly that using a credit card is a talent. It isn’t. We don’t need new pots, we buy crap to fill the gaping hole in our feelings. Finding a bargain won’t make us happy. We need to make mindless consumerism as popular as Dolce and Gabbana in Shanghai. Supermarkets don’t have a happiness aisle selling unicorns. I’ve checked.
Getting into debt is not the way to fulfillment. When we are rich in shopping bags, we become poor in mental acuity. Like a Hillsong church, rich consumerism has only lead to poor spiritualism. Your mindless purchases may include all natural, non-toxic, free shipping. But happiness is sold separately.
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When this ruddy war is over
Posted: November 11, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: arms dealers, history, Lest we Forget, November 11, Remembrance Day, the future is female, war is stupid, war what is it good for, weapons manufacturers Leave a commentDuring the First World War, one-tenth of the Australian male population enlisted. Everyone in this country knew someone who had gone to war. Many never returned.
Gathered from the hillsides in bright summer colors
And the brown earth bleached white
At the edge of his gravestone
He’s gone
The man, barely twenty, did answer the calling
Proud of the trust
That he placed in our nation
He’s gone
And it knows what we’ve done
On the leaves of the flowers
Leaving brown, muddy clay
Where the earth had been dry
He waited for hours
As he held to his rifle
And prayed not to die
Was shattered by fire
As the guns and grenades
Blasted sharp through the air
His comrades were slaughtered
In the morgue of marines
Alone, standing there
Ever lower, with fear
They can’t let me die
They can’t let me die here
With the mud and the earth
I’ll cover myself
I know I’m not brave
The earth is my grave
Gathered from the hillsides in bright summer colors
And the brown earth bleached white
At the edge of his gravestone
He’s gone
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Meaningless slogans in fancy fonts
Posted: November 4, 2018 Filed under: WRITING | Tags: advice for business gurus, business speak, buzz words, help for businesses, jargon, marketing advice, plain English, plain speaking, single mother advice Leave a commentAs the world falls apart, women are murdered, idiots are in power and politics seems like a bad reality TV show, I’ve developed effective new coping strategies. Mindless midnight social media browsing is great for self-esteem, time wasting and spying on my teenage children. Online advertising, however, can sometimes interrupt my bliss. This week I saw an ad on Instagram with a picture of two men dressed like accountants sitting at a computer below the words:
Revenue modelling with accurate customer journey alignment.
Fork me. I’m not up on the current marketing vernacular, but can the business world please learn to speak English? If they want to flog their dubious schemes with very little cash flow it may help if their unsuspecting customers could actually understand what is being flogged.
Here are some tips for those of us who would like to get ahead in the online world of peddling the latest get rich quick schemes:
Using lots of jargon will definitely break your customer’s spirit
Just because you have the technology to make a selfie video doesn’t mean you should. Now that everyone has a camera people are unfortunately living with the delusion that what they have to say is interesting. If your video bores me to tears, I’m definitely not looking at your website. The world doesn’t need more mindless advice, more banal lectures, more monotonous podcasts, how to vlogs and more wearying webinars.
Philanthropy must be encouraged; as I try to be community-minded, I’m proposing mandatory jail sentences be introduced for companies using the following words and phrases in their promotional materials:
Drill down
Growth hacking
Resonate
Robust
Disruptor
In and of itself
Growing your brand
Upskilling
A culture of tedium and being annoying is not an effective marketing tool. As I age, I’m growing nostalgic. Remember when we just went to work and didn’t have to read inspiring online stories of personal development?
Advertising can be simple
